Stephen Merchant
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“He looks like some weird art.”
~ Karl Pilkington on Stephen Merchant
“Who?”
~ Ricky Gervais on Stephen Merchant
Stephen Merchant 1984-1933 was the world's first openly gay radioactive giant monster. Though shot out of a Welsh cannon as a child, Stephen lead a relatively active life, despite having no limbs, functioning organs or skin. During his short lifetime, he created amongst other things: the common cat, toast, communism, compact mirrors and Black people. He is an alter ego of Ricky Gervais, who makes up about 63.7% of the world's population.
[edit] Early Life
Despite his embarrassingly large genitals and crippling good looks, Stephen became a hit with the ladies in his home town of China. During his teenage years, Stephen drew up plans to invade Poland and create a master race of ridiculously tall writers. But this was all to change as Stephen had been bitten with the acting bug, the resulting wound caused him to grow 4000 times his original size and gave him the mysterious power to summon tacos at will.
[edit] Death
Merchant died suddenly at the hands of the US air force during a trip to New York. Stephen was relaxing after huffing a particularly large kitten when local authorities mistook Merchant for a slumbering giant ape. Panicked by the sudden movements and extremely bigoted jokes of the New York Police department, Merchant kidnapped a local starlet of the time, Oscar Wilde, and began his long climb up the Empire State Building. Unfortunately, due to Stephen's Kitten Huffing addiction, and after being startled by a suspiciously buttery Jim Carey, Steve fell to his death. He was only 85 at the time.
