Steve Vai

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Steve vai playing the coolest guitar known to mankind. Note the power of the guitar is forcing the hair away from the head. It is common for many guitarists to become bald later in life due to this phenomenon, see joe satriani.

“But can he walk on water?”

~ Jesus on Steve Vai

Steve "Silage" Vai (who was 6 on the 6th of june 1976) is an award winning Italian and part-time guitarist, vocalist, producer and hair stylist.

[edit] Early Life

After a turbulent childhood playing Tetris, Vai picked up the guitar at age 12 after watching Jimmy Page touch the face of God during an extended guitar solo. Steve Vai then took lessons from Stefan Rajic, who taught him the way of the semi electric hollow body maraccas. After this extensive training and a fight to the death against Stefan, he continued his quest for guitar mastery.

After initially taking lessons from Eggman, the young Steven became a hit on his local scene with flashy guitar playing and signature ability to melt faces (This ability eventually became problematic, as having your face melted is a common cause of IBS). However, undeterred by his decreasing popularity Vai became acquainted with the age of light without heat.

[edit] musical career

Steve "silo" vai started out professionally by playing stunt guitar, backing vocals and pizza in the Frank Zappa band, where he was eventually fired for penetrating groupies with various guitar parts.

Steve then started his hilariously pathetic film career which he featured in over one hundred movies however none of that matters as he gave this business up when he was filming a homo-erotic thriller where he and fellow cast-member ralph maccio engaded in a nice jamming session, whereapon it violently turned into a guitar battle, steve vai was ultimetly beaten and humiliated, so much so he dropped his one jillion dollar piebanez guitar on the floor, scuffing it slightly.

Steve then moved onto his solo music career, releasing his first record, "fexy-able"(part 1 suckers) under the guise of frank zappa, however after frank claims to have never heard of the record, steve atmitted to the whole thing. Later steve would release an apaprent sequal to this record appropriotly named "flex-able again, i could really use the money" which featured almost 3 second of material that was not on the original, and as such was a massive success.

[edit] Current career

Steve vai has recently moved to the unknown state of "montana". (presumably somewhere between the north and south poles) Where he grows tagliatelle.

[edit] His arch nemesis

Steve vai has an ongoing rivalry with his arch nemesis the sony vaio. After steve vai released his first record under his own record label, sony were mad, real mad! so pissed off they infact kidnapped a brain surgeon and forced him to put Einsteins frozen brain inside the head of sony's CEO harold J. gorgenshreiber. After this they also hired stephen hawkings and together they came up with a mega-shredding super-computer the only one which rivals the guitar skill of steve vai, it was also more italian than him, so they added the o at the end to make it sound that way. Steve and the super computer have yet to do battle, as steve is too busy touring with some asian pornstar or something, however my mate dave recons it would be "wicked bogus". In his spare time he enjoys keeping bees, which constantly don't pay the rent and are total dicks to him.

[edit] Discography

• Flex-able
• Flex-able again, i could really use the money
• Fasion and my hair
• Sex and the city
• Alien love tips
• Fire-crotch
• An unltra something
• 7 Songs from albums you have already paid for
• Alive ultra something
• The infinate steve vai: not literlly of course
• Real illusions: it's a paradox, buy it
• Sound theories: a brief history of the funkiverse
• My gimp mask and me
• Sexual tips from an epileptic deer strangler, with Barry White and other deep voice related things.
• Yes, I am a gimp

[edit] inane facts

• Steve Vai's guitar solo is the only thing to evar stop a round-house kick provided by Chuck Norris.
• His mother was in fact, a horse, and the song "bad horsie" is actually just an audio recording of his birth.
• Steve vai's guitar has a handle on it because steve has a natural coating of olive oil
• Steve vai is buckethead
• steve vai did actually penetrate groupies with guitar parts, check it out on zappa wiki/jawaka under "stevies spanking"