Steven Tyler
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“Dude look like a lady.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Steven Tyler
“It is not true. My lips are ummm...thicker, you know?”
~ John Frusciante on Steven Tyler
Contents |
[edit] Early Life
Steven Tyler was born Steven Harrison Reed Boston Tyleriskiof on 24 August 1842 and was elected Prime Minister of Haiti from 1850 to 1935. During his tenure his biggest reforms were to add monkeys to the metropolitan transportation system and putting pictures of famous Haitian ballerinas’ shoes on the national currency. In 1939 he accidentally invented Jell-O while at a fundraiser for the Caribbean invasion of Canada by mixing chicken bones to the punch. Later that year he changed his name to Harrison Reed and formed a classical musical quartet that eventually became known as Herman’s Hermits.
In 1972 the other three members of the band split off and were replaced by paleontologist Norman Jones. Mr. Jones completely changed the sound of the band when he added instruments.
[edit] Aeroshit
Later in the 1970s, he met one of the original Magi, Joe Perry. Together they unleashed a sonic musical beast known as Aeroshit.
Aeroshit is known for hits such as "Ain't That a Bitch" (Yahyah/gehttalibbatdea/YAYA gibbilattadeh), and "Deuces Are Wild" (Aaaah/yabbitalooone/Aaah/Yibbittalone/Ahh/I love to look into your big brown eyes...) along with many other hit songs rich with lyrics like this, that make you really think.
In the 1980s, Aeroshit accidentally dropped an atomic bomb on Russia, giving Gorbachev that gnarly scar on his head. In 1982, Aeroshit became self-aware and contacted John Connor to travel back in time to destroy itself before the band caused Judgment Day, a weak CD release. Aeroshit was subdued, but may have been responsible for a number of mass suicides since then.
[edit] Personal Life
Reinventing himself, in 1985 he changed his name to Steven Tyler and joined the rap trio Run-D.M.C. He has since retired from music and lives in Canada, spending his free time going to ballet performances for the shoes and trimming his prize winning cabbage.
In the late 80's, he discovered that he may be the father of then preteen Liv Rundgren. Liv was so excited that she then changed her name to Liv Tyler, but after a DNA test was conducted, it turned out that Steven really isn't Liv's father after all. It turned out to be good publicity though, so Liv kept the last name Tyler anyway.
[edit] Quotes
"Dude, I'm NOT a lady!"-Steven Tyler on being called a lady
"Bret Michaels is the one that looks like a lady!"-Steven on being called a lady
"Dude! Stop saying that!"-Steven Tyler on being called a lady again
[edit] Did You Know?
- 13 tons of rubber are extracted annually from Tyler's lips and used for good causes, including safety surfacing for some 1,500 children's play areas in devoloping nations.
- Steven Tyler once shot up the world's supply of heroin, then was sued by Keith Richards for copyright infringement.
- Steven Tyler has a mouth big enough for Honeycomb.
- Steven Tyler has been confused with Mick Jagger on more than one occasion.
- Steven Tyler's lips are the reason that whaling is no longer legal. All the uses for whale blubber have been found by harvesting the blubber from Tyler.
- If you look carefully, you can see Steven Tyler's junk in every Aeroshit video.
- Steven Tyler is NOT the singer for Hinder.
- Steven Tyler is a firm believer in Hitler-ism.
- Despite all the mockery he receives because of his lips, women of the world still want to whip out his Big Ten Inch Record.
