Stockholm

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Official flag of Stockholm, the "None-star IKEA Banner".

Storkolm or Stockholm, as most people cluelessly refer to it, is probably a city, probably in Sweden, but nobody really knows, the Swedes least of all - they're too busy licking its creamy banana flavour off the city's bountiful and prosperous walls, as it is reported to be the second-tastiest city in Scandinavia - apparently great with gravy and instant mash. Over the years, it has garnered a reputation for its edibility, and the kebab district has recently been constructed out of dead Turkish corpses, skewered, roasted, compacted, and served with with garlic butter.

The Danes took over the city during the Very Dark Ages. The Swedish nobleman Gustaf Vasa drunkenly challenged Danish King Kristian II to a ski race that would determine the ruler of Sweden. Vasa won the race, still drunk, promptly devoured the king, and ushered in an era of wealth, prosperity, and peace for Sweden and Stockholm. Just kidding. Stockholm is a shithole. Gothenburg is the biggest shithole in the universe according to Stockholm. But it's not true.

[edit] Tourist information

Main Street (Meeeen Stroot) in Stockholm.

A warning to tourists: All locals of Stockholm are equipped with firearms to protect themselves and fish from the polar bears roaming the streets. Please keep in mind that nobody cares, so you better stay out of their way. The city also floods from january to september. Rubber boots, clothes and strap-ons are recommended but can be bought on spot - unless the polar bears have raided the shops. Please take heed to the following warnings:

Avoid wearing white.
Beware of bears in leather.
Bring a gun
If attacked by a polar bear, please take photos
Do Not Wear black and yellow colours at the same time,people associate these colours with the wannabe-stockholm suburb solna where people are mentally unstable in kind words.
Don't wear the coulors green and white! People will judge you as a drug- or alcoholic.
However, the most important colours not to wear is blue, yellow and red. If you wear these, people will think you escaped from the local zoo, Skansen, since these are Skansens colours.
If bored, please, call nobody cares-hotline

If Stockholm bores you, you can consider Norrland, the mysterious part of Sweden, located only a thousand meters(?) north of Stockholm or Göteborg, the second biggest ~~dump~~ city in Sweden.

After the success with rebranding a small part of Södermalm as SoFo (South of Folkungagatan) city officials have now announced that they have created a new hip and trendy Stockholm area SoSö (South of Södertälje). SoSö is, according to rumours, filled with interesting sights for tourists such as the Göta Kanal, the Brandenburger Tor, the pyramides of Giza and practically anything geographiclly south of Södertälje.

If you are looking for sex, try Kungsängen (King's Bed), a local neighborhood specialized at giving you what you seek, or Tyresö - A location for all retards. Sheepest sex in whole Sweden!

[edit] Language

In ancient times (Read: A few weeks ago), the people of Stockholm and Sweden in general used to speak a language of their own called Swedish, consisting of somewhat intelligible sentences and words making communication possible. It was a beautiful language with catchy phrases such as "Hur mår ni?" (How are you?). Since then, the Swedish language has deteriorated into nonsencial, idle, and slack muffing.

Like most Nordic languages of today, the New Swedish language is incomprehensible to all non-Scandanavians.
The original Swedish used letters such as å, ä and ö. In New Swedish they were deemed too hard to pronounce, in likings with the rest of the world.
Some speculate that the godless Danes, whose own language is also known as "the scrouge of God", caused Swedish to slide into disrepair.
The New Swedish language is also known to be horribly retarded.
90% of the Swedish people speaks arabic.
And the remaining 10% don't speak at all, they only lick bananas.