Stoned
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Satan has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
“Me, I'm so damn high.....”
~ Jesus Christ on State of High
“Flrgbrglllzz...”
~ Stoner on Stoned
Stoned is a drug induced state with any, or a combination, of the following symptoms:
- A momentary lapse of reason
- Memory loss, and repeating previous statements
- Glazed eyes
- "Wut? Man... I have no idea what's goin' on"
- Enlarged asshole
- Shrunk pupils
- Total absence of light in the stoningroom (a private retreat where stonees like to get stoned) with stonee wearing dark glasses to protect his body from harmful UV radiation.
- Memory loss, and repeating previous statements
- Memory loss, and repeating previous statements
- Pungent, blinding smoke that sometimes triggers the smoke-alarm, located above stonee's line of vision, resulting in water wetness, immediate bot revert to the last mental state prior to edit, and hallucinations mimicking those experienced by addicts high on psychedelic sobriety.
- Extreme hallucinations in which the stonee hears pictures, sees taste and senses caviar in frozen leftovers.
- Extreme paranoia (stonee feels overwhelmed by the thought that someone's out to get him who is different from the someone who was out to get him earlier - his mom)
- Memory loss, and repeating previous statements
- A craving for subjecting one's taste buds to everything that sounds edible (the subject's - the stonee's - metaphors are all mixed up; see "aberrations in sensory input/outputs" in the list above)
- A desire to have heated relations with mr. shelley and mrs grover
- A rise in temperature
- Vertigo
- Excessive urination
- Repeated respiration
- Feeling of existence,
- A subdued exhalation, phew! followed by exhilaration at the thought that the above symptom has finally attacked the stonee. A feeling of relaxation 'cos after much perseverance the stonee is high and feeling existence or highness as described in the textbook down to the T, and the money spent, after all, has been worth it.
- "M4n, y m i readin' this article? I know perfectly what 'stoned' means! im ston'd right now... Wow, i'm hearing colors and seein' sounds!.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. * guy's head falling onto the keyboard with his nose knocked in the 'dot' button *
- Etc.
[edit] History
Getting stoned is an old tradition that has historically been found to be so widely spread among humans - across races, across cultures and across continents - that an entire era (an era is like 200 years in the life of a moth -- a moth's lifespan is like 4 weeks) of ancient human history, that which dealt with the creative use of stones to perpetuate a special prehistoric wisdom in the human brain that humans would never forget, has been named after it - The Stone Age.
[edit] Proof that the "Stone Age" corresponded to psychedelic mushrooms
Disclaimer: This study is of interest only to those who wish to legitimize stoning, or the act of getting stoned - and is of little interest to the rest of the world's population (about 99.99% of it) who dread getting high or the act of getting stoned and view those who indulge in getting high or stoned with contempt, indignation and mercy killing.
To Continue: Megalithic burials discovered in continents as disparate as India and Great Britain demonstrate that the Stone Age man revered and worshipped mushrooms and paid homage to the fungus by doing the unspeakable - commemorating burial spots of their revered dead by giant blocks of stone - or menhirs as the stoned Gauls would bespeak - resembling the shape of mushrooms. And oh how they danced.
Stone Age was quickly followed by Iron Age and ultimately by Modern Age. However, the obvious association between stone and being high persisted in human pre-historic memory and, thus, whenever man saw a stone he wanted to be like it, viz. catatonic, silent and glazed (and afflicted with any or all of the symptoms listed above). It is not a coincidence that a synonym for "stone" is Opium in Chinese language, Charas (black stone) in Hindi, Poppy in Pashto (an Afghan language), Wine in Greek, Beer in German, and Coca Cola in Colombian.
Overdose is impossible. thats right, go fucking smoke a bowl man.
[edit] Contraindications
All stones that cause stoning in the stonees are contraindicated in all subjects that have a brain infecting their body, half a brain infecting their body, or an IQ higher than –273.15 °C. Because of this, everyone at Mairehau High loves smokin up an doing homework on the computer but actually going on Uncyclopedia. Im stoned as a MOFO!
 | States of Existence |
| Alive | Awake | Asleep | Semi-Conscious | Half Dead | Dead | Being Dead | Dreaming | Dead but dreaming | Bored | |
| Drunk | Stoned | Handicapped | Comatose | Undead | Born again |
