Street lights
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“I once bumped into a street light, it was very tall and bright!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Street Lights
“Their manifeto is what makes us suck! ”
~ Catch 22 on Street Lights
Originally invented by Pharaoh Wankenhamen II to allow his Israelite slaves to work long hours into the night, street lights today have taken on other functions and only coincidentally provide after-dark visibility.
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[edit] Power
In the village of London, where a small single bedroom flat can cost four hundred times the lifetime wage of most workers, accountants, stockbrokers, merchant bankers and members of parliament will often be found with a length of electrical flex running from their luxury cardboard boxes to nearby streetlights, thus drawing power to run their laptop computers, plasma televisions and Breville toasted sandwich makers.
[edit] Road Traffic Accidents
In the United States it is a proven phenomenon that all automotive accidents where no other party is involved are based around a car crashing into a fire hydrant, resulting in a jet of water 20 feet high.
In the United Kingdom and other countries where fire hydrants are buried in the surface of the road, it is obviously impossible for an accident to involve a fire hydrant (unless the car in question was really tiny or something) and street lights have to suffice. Such an accident should ideally involve a suitable amount of steam escaping from the front of the stricken vehicle and the street light taking on a sufficiently impressive lean to one side. The Police accident investigators will usually award bonus style points if the street light illuminates briefly, with a crackling noise following the accident.
[edit] Decoration
Before the advent of artificial lighting, Earth at night was a dull and unattractive sight for interstellar passers-by. Only since the cheerful gleam of streetlights started flooding the world's surface has the galactic tourism industry taken notice of our planet, making it one of the Milky Way's number one spots for cattle mutilation, crop circles, and abduction of humanoids.
[edit] Lighting
It has been proven to be a myth that street lights are there to light the streets, seeing as the sodding things never work, not around here anyway. I pay my taxes, and I still have to walk the streets in the dark. Bastards.
