Strictly Come Dancing
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“Man, that guy is old!”
~ 50 Cent on Bruce Forsyth.
“Fiddy's only saying that because he's a playa hata.”
~ Bruce Forsyth on 50 Cent
Strictly Come Dancing is a ballroom dancing show made by the BBC. In 2007 it was voted the 'Worst Programme Ever Made' by its presenter Bruce Forsyth.
Contents |
[edit] Format
The show is based around the premise that all celebrities are idiots, but some can dance. No one proves this more than Tony Blair - winner of the 2005 series. The first half of the show takes the form of a ritual dance and sacrifice to the god of war George W Bush, and many feel this was Blair's strongest performance of the entire series. The second part of the show sees senile chemist Bruce Forsyth tap dance in order to hypnotize the contestants, whom he then proceeds to ejaculate over. In the final section of the show, the contestants are, at last, asked to perform a ballroom dance of their choice.
Each series continues for what seems like 3 years but in fact is substantially less. At the end a winner is announced and is proclaimed 'Ballroom Dancer of the Year', an accolade revered by academics.
[edit] Judges
After each dance, the contestants are subjected to beatings from the four most prominent ballroom experts: Michael Jackson, Winston Churchill, Tom Cruise and the letter B. The judges are asked to give a score on different elements of the dances. The most common score is 0.
[edit] Voting
As well as the judges' scores, the viewing public are asked to phone in and nominate who they believe is the most retarded of all the celebrities. The winner is the person who gains the highest combined score. The phone number for voting is 0800C@227# and this has caused problems since many viewers do not have th '@' sign on their phone.
[edit] Series
[edit] Series 1
The first series aired in 1932 when only 42 people had access to a television. Understandably, voting for this series was minimal however the drama the show created was for some viewers extremely exciting. Expert dancer Anton du Beke appeared in the series and shot to fame as a result. This fame was short-lived, though, as he was killed by Bill Oddie on his way to the BBC studios for the Grand Final. No one really understands Oddie's motive but he claims he was simply shooting material for his latest series 'Oddie Gone Wild'.
[edit] Series ∞
There have so far been infinity series and BBC bosses plan to continue this trend into the near future. It is not clear whether Bruce Forsyth will continue in his role of Presenter/Hypnotist/Prune but it is clear the audience loves him as he receives over 3 fan mails a week.
[edit] Strictly Cum
- Main article: Strictly Cum
In 2001 the BBC made the unusual decision to commission a semen themed spin-off, the show was widely condemned for being much too graphic for family viewing, despite this the BBC has declared it will not cancel the show in the near future.
[edit] Contestants
So far celebrities that have taken part in the series include:
- Petra Schmeichel
- Leo Tolstoy
- Satan
- Nelson Mandela
- Princess Diana
- Keith Wood (a close friend of Bruno)
- Bob Citnatas (a close friend of Bruce Forsyth and winner of 4 series so far)
among others.
[edit] Ratings
Since 1932 ratings for the show have increased by roughly ∞% and this is largely due to the marketing skills of PR Manager David Beckham who is responsible for advertising the series but also due to the nature of infinity. By contrast the salaries of the four judges have decreased by ∞% so that now they must pay the BBC to continue in their roles.
[edit] Criticism
[edit] Michael Jackson
Many viewers have written in to the BBC complaining about the choice of Michael Jackson as a judge. Most refer to the fact that he touches little boys and a few query his ballroom dancing credentials. One incident in which Jackson complained on-camera that "there simply aren't enough male contestants under the age of fifteen in hotpants doin' that thing if you know what I mean." drew dozens of complaints. The BBC's official method for dealing with complaints is to "ignore them" and therefore nothing has been done about the issue, however BBC bosses stress that his kiddy-fiddling days are over.
[edit] Rigging
In 2001 The Sun claimed Strictly Come Dancing had been fixed and that the winner had been chosen before the series had begun. Eventual winner The Queen denied she had paid Tom Cruise to let her win. Viewers ransacked her home in London and reportedly wedgied her in front of an astonished flunky.
