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HOLY FATASS LUMBERJACK!!! This page is BAT SHIT INSANE and probably suffers from ADHD!.

A typical substitute teacher.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

All right, class, take your seats. Hey, you! You with the face! My desk is not a chair! Sit in a chair now! All right. All settled? Good. Now, as you may have noticed, your normal teacher, Mr. Bates--

He doesn't like to be called "Mr.", he likes the term "Master" instead!

Well, all right. Your normal teacher, Master Bates--

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

CLASS! QUIET DOWN, NOW! Now, I was a child once, too, and I played my share of pranks on the substitute teachers, but there is no excuse for such behavior. Now, as I was saying, your teacher is out today due to a freak... health accident, and he will be in the hospital until further notice. Until then, I will be your substitute teacher. My name is Mrs. Missus--

*snickers from the class*

And I *snickers quiet down* will remain with you until he returns. Right, now, on the schedule your teacher left me, it says that you are learning today about Substitute Teachers. Well, how convenient. Let's begin today's lesson.

[edit] What are substitute teachers?

Substitute teachers, such as myself, are necessary when a school has a sudden lack of regular teachers due to a number of causes, such as accidents, death of a friend or family member, or even if a teacher just needs time off. Without substitutes, the school lacking a teacher would find themselves with a rowdy class full of misbehaving students. Thus, substitute teachers like me are called in. Now, there are several things to know about substitutes:

[edit] They Lack Knowledge of Normal Class Structure

If a teacher leaves, he or she will normally leave a list of Lesson Plans for the substitute. This is always promptly destroyed, unless the students can't find it, in which case they use their willpower to make it spontaneously combust. So the substitute teacher now tries to pick up where the class left off. This meets some problems.

[edit] Stage One

The substitute teacher, in stage one, will assume that it has been accidentally misplaced and has nothing to do with the students. So he or she will innocently ask what they had been studying, receiving answers such as Sex, Dissection, and Sarcasm.

[edit] Stage Two

The teacher realizes that the students are not going to be very helpful, so they turn to the student teacher for assistance, only to herald the answer "This is my first day here." Sooner or later, the class elects a spokesperson, usually a timid-looking girl in the back row, to say something random, like The Capital of Uganda. The sub will usually believe this person, due to their decieving appearance, and so will attempt to teach this subject.

[edit] Stage Three

As (obviously) nobody knows anything about the capital of Uganda, the substitute teacher becomes frustrated and increasingly convinced that this class is full of idiots. The student teacher texts his girlfriend from the back of the room.

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