Suburbia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: "My six-figure salary entitles me to bitch." | |||||
| Anthem: "Shiny Happy People" by R.E.M. | |||||
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| Capital | West Oak Park Field, U.S.A. | ||||
| Largest city | North Oak Park Field, U.S.A. | ||||
| Official languages | texting | ||||
| Government | Feudal Capitalism | ||||
| -President | Mike Brady | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Dr. Phil, Oprah, Kelly Ripa, Jesus Of Suburbia | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | A.D. 1967 | ||||
| Currency | credit | ||||
| Religion | Protestant Consumerism | ||||
“Yeah, like, this place totally sucks.”
~ Your daughter on Suburbia
“Where the hell am I? Why do all these God damn houses look the same? Why the hell did they move out here, anyway? Wait . . . is that? . . . Not another f***ing cul-de-sac!”
~ Your dad on trying to find your family's home in Suburbia
Suburbia is a mythical land which, according to most middle-American legends, is filled with fairies, enchantment, and sport utility vehicles. Certain Native American trickster tales suggest that it was founded by Paul Bunyan and June Cleaver as a safe haven from two anthropomorphic, urban-dwelling rats who continually plagued the couple with world domination plots and poorly funded public schools. To save themselves and their future Harvard-bound progeny, Bunyan and Cleaver bought a plot of unspoiled meadowland 40 minutes from the nearest urban center and tore the shit out of it, creating a labyrinthine maze of tan, off-tan, and off-off-tan structures inhabited by Suburbanites, a chai and latte-sipping tribe that feasts on the shattered dreams of urban people and the backward naivete of rural folk. In Australia, a girl called Philippa Rasmussen believes her house to be part of suburbia. This is not true, do not believe her lies.
[edit] Inhabitants
Sixty-five percent of Suburban teenagers are named Katie, regardless of their gender, while the remaining 35 percent are named Jacob, Taylor, and Josh. Forty-one percent now classify themselves as emo, thirty-eight percent label themselves as jocks, twenty-five percent are pot heads, nineteen percent are nerds, and one hundred thirty-nine percent are unable to understand that percentages should add up to one hundred.
