Suffolk

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In the 4th dimension, a place that looks and smells exactly like Suffolk is the capital of the known world, opressing the hearts and minds of the billions of residents living in the heat and squallor of its largest city, Paris. In our dimension, its a pretty boring county visible only between the hours of 5am and 7pm with feeding times at 11am and 6pm.

[edit] History

Suffolk doesn't have much history. In fact, its widely believed it never actually existed before 1508, when Sir Reginald Crumbly Biscuit Barrel, on the run from the law for littering offences committed in Gurnsey, established the town of Ipswich in the deepest, darkest, most remote area of England he could find. Sir Reginald's 5 sons formed the other towns in Suffolk when they married Sir Reginald's 5 daughters and established inbreeding plantations around the country to foster their spawn.

[edit] Suffolk Today

Suffolk is still a popular hub for criminals in hiding today due to its minuscule and lazy police force.

[edit] Bird Flu

For reasons known only to the axis of evil, Suffolk's birds are renown the country over for catching bird flu. A swan in Scotland also died of the disease, but this was not considered by news reporters to be as fun as the gorey, mercyless slaughter of HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS of healthy chickens. As recently as today, birds are being incinerated in droves to distract the media while Gordon Brown vandalises the Blue Peter garden (prevoius attempts to distract people using adorable kittens, dead kittens and a French mime proved unsuccessful).

[edit] Prostitution In Suffolk

A traditional past time in Suffolk is prostitution, also known as "riding the town bike(s)" or "clubbing". Recently, a crazed Jack-the-ripper style villan killed some prostitutes in the Ipswich area. The man was captured after a month and turned out to be a harmless dock worker with a fetish for strangulation. Since the media spotlight focused on the Suffolk, its sex industry has been greatly bolstered and many experts believe names such as Sudbury's Friars Street and Ipswich's London Road could over take Amsterdam's red light district in both popularity and notoriety the world over.

[edit] Towns In Suffolk

• Ipswich - Biggest town in Suffolk undergoing much regeneration. Is still a shite hole.
• Bury St Edmunds - The prettiest town a.k.a shithole in Suffolk. Has a cathderal.
• Lowestoft - The most eastern point in England. Apparantly.
• Newmarket - The home of bestiality, made famous for the 1897 XXX rated zoetrope 'Debbie does Shergar'
• Stowmarket - Truck stop for those travelling from Ipswich to Bury. Government registered lepar colony #148-Class A
• Sudbury - 50% of residents here claim to take drugs on a regular basis. This says all that needs to be said about Sudbury.
• Polstead - "Dude, wheres my village?"
• Long Melford - "inbreeding capital of the world"