Sugarglider
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The Sugar Glider (Lethalis supercuta) is a deadly monster native to the lowest level of Hell.
Contents |
[edit] Physical description
The Sugar Glider is around 16 to 20 meters (54 to 66 feet) in length, with a tail almost as long as the body and almost as thick as a tree. It weighs between 30 and 50 tons. The fur is generally stained dark red with blood, but a clean sugar glider would be gray in color.
The most distinctive features of its anatomy, however, are the twin skin membranes called "mudflaps" which allow it to glide, swooping down onto the heads of unsuspecting humans: when fully extended they form an aerodynamic surface the size of a tennis court.
The gliding membranes are primarily used as an efficient way to capture screaming human prey. They may also, as a secondary function, help the Sugar Glider escape predators like Godzillas.
[edit] Habitat
In the wilds of its native habitat, the Sugar Glider is a mountain dwelling creature. It is active by night when it hunts for humans. The Sugar Glider is so named for its incredible cuteness, which it uses to lure prey.
The Sugar Glider can occupy any area where there are abundant humans to eat. It is difficult to see in the wild, since it will usually kill a human before it can be spotted, but a sure sign of its presence is the accumulation of gnawed bones.
A female sugar glider has thousands of small, squirming young. These form a piranha-like horde for the first two decades of their life, until they become large enough to hunt alone. Sugar gliders kept as pets are always very young, and almost always die before growing to significant size. A sugar glider takes at least a century to attain full growth.
[edit] Conservation status
Unlike many native animals, particularly smaller ones, the Sugar Glider is not endangered because it is too dangerous to kill.
[edit] Sugar Gliders as pets
The Sugar Glider is a popular pet because of its incredible cuteness. However, most owners do not realize that a Sugar Glider's adult form is a dinosaur-sized, hyper-aggressive carnivore.
Sugar Gliders, if they must be kept, should be handled with extreme precautions, including full-body armor, heavily armed backup, and tamed grues if available.
Unleasing hordes of xenomorphs is also considered to be an acceptable method of killing these fuckers, although you will be left with one massive stinking corpse and a whole bunch of xenomorphs to deal with.
[edit] Powers
Once a sugar glider reaches adult size, it has full control of its supernatural powers. These include:
- Eye beams
- Invulnerability to all man-made weapons except for sword-chucks.
- Extreme cuteness
- Shape changing. Sugar gliders can take the form of kittens.
| | This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia. |
.


