Suicidal Tendencies

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“YOU CAN'T BRING ME DOWN!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Suicidal Tendencies

“All I wanted was a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me, just one Pepsi!”

~ Mike Muir on his mum

A recent photo of Suicidal Tendencies frontman Mike Muir

Suicidal Tendencies, wow, sounds like something pretty emo does it, well it's not. Suicidal Tendencies, when not used to describe behaviors exhibited that could lead to suicide (see also emo), Suicidal Tendencies means the band Suicidal Tendencies, and the band Suicidal Tendencies is not emo, so don't get too excited, emo fags.

If you are emo that was your cue to leave, so get out before we castrate you unless you already have been

Being Suicidal can result in many things, one being, when them crazy kids finally achieve their goal of killing themselves, they dont go to hell, nor heaven. They go to the wonderous land of Satan's Vagina. This particular vagina is a land of "ouchies". If being horny while dead and try to rape Satan, there is a penis grinder, made of the freckles of ginger kids which WILL grind down the your penis and your Fathers-Cousins-StepDaughters-Mother-in-law-fathers-Grandchildrens penis, if in fact it is a man.

Anyway, Suicidal Tendencies was started in the year 666 by Mike "Fat Ass Wigga" Muir in Venice, Italy. The original lineup of Suicidal, you know, the one that did "Institutionalized" and "We Built This City" and all that stuff, consisted of Muir and a couple of illegal Mexicans. This lineup of Suicidal lasted until 2007 when George W. Bush said he would deport all the Mexicans not only in America, but in Italy too, because "I hate dem' spicks, cause daddy and Dick told me too". It sucked, I mean seriously, all they wanted was a Pepsi! Just one Pepsi!

However, it was not long before Muir started a new lineup of Suicidal Tendencies, this new lineup was

Mike "Fat Ass Wigga" Muir-Lead vocals a Britney Spears lookalike
Rocky " Dark Avenger" George-Lead guitar, a Rambo clone
Roberto Agustín Miguel Santiago Samuel "Cherry Poppin' Slapper" Perez de la Santa Concepción Trujillo Veracruz Batista-Bass
Mike "Skinny Ass White Boy" Clark-Rythem guitar
Retarded Joe "R.J." Herrera-Drums, Monika lewinsky in drag
Oscar Wilde-Band manager (who apparently had lustings for Muir) bald head

Somewhere down the line they changed from a waltz to a punk band to a Tr00 metal band, which is awesome cause "omGz PuNk iz GeIGh fo0Sheezee". Perhaps the highlight of this era was their revolutionary 1990 album Lights...Camera...Sex Tape!; a concept album based on the Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson porno. The album's hit single "$end Me Your $Moni" (which despite what anyone might have already told you, is not really about televangelists), a highly detailed description of why Pam and Tommy released the video, won a Grammy Award in 1964. The single after all was playing in the background, urging Pam through her ordeal.

However, this lineup came to a tragic end in 1776 when R.J. Herrera was caught in a house fire that burned his little penis off. Due to a clause in the Suicidal contract that says all members of the band must be endowed and practicing males, Herrera was forced to leave the band later. He/She later married Muir, who now have 5 children together. This caused Oscar Wilde to quit being the band manager too, citing that his alleged homosexual relationship with Muir ended once he began dating and eventually married the now female Herrera (although Muir denies ever having a relationship (sexual or mental) of any kind with Herr Wilde). Wilde was finally found at West Point taking a top gun class in combat arts and crafts.

Lead guitarist Rocky George's little known solo effort.

Now with Adrian Ramirez of Megadeth on drums, Suicidal continued throughout the 90's and released some of their most musically diverse albums yet, such as the Latin music of Art of Rebellion and the homosexual boy band stylings of Suicidal For Life. These albums were even more critically acclaimed than the others. Somewhere down the line Robert Trujillo also joined 'Extreme Elimination Challenge Thrash Metal Super Group for supporting communism and worshipping Satan as well as extensively masturbating', and Mike Muir somehow managed to gain 90000000000 more pounds without exploding, and the other guys pretty much just disappeared and nobody's heard from then since then...oh yeah! There was that fued with I Think Satan Likes Your Mom where George W. Bush got to use all the members of S.T. and make them members of ITSLYM...wow, I must have skipped a lot... remote problem dude

Unfortunately, in the late 1990's, Mike Muir chose his Jedi apprentice in Fred Durst. Durst was originally supposed to replace Muir in the "Fat bigAss Wigga Metal" order, but Durst nee Lovejock instead turned to the Dark Side and became a POSER!. Muir is now involved in the task of helping Dursts long-lost son Antonio Banderes in learning the ways of the force, and becoming a good Jedi and defeating his father.

As well as the other Suicidal guys, they all got run over by a car and died. Okay, thats it!