Culture of Lithuania
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[edit] Kuliukas
The word Kuliukas loosely translates into "creeping out your grandchildren", a favourite Lithuanian pasttime, and is most effective when done by a Lithuanian grandparent to a child which is not familiar with the disturbing customs of Lithuania.
Grandparents always look at children with a serious, scornful glare often bordering on malicious contempt and disgust, even during supposedly happy times such as birthdays and harvest moon festivals.
Children, when visiting their Lithuanian grandparents, are often given random objects and have to quickly decide whether it is intended as a gift or a punishment.
Examples of ambiguous items include:
- Amber - Tree sap with dead insects inside
- Bottles of bitter alcoholic syrup
- Dolls made of brittle hay
- Lithuanian "chocolate"
- Child-size ploughs
- Strange smelling dust
- Chicken feet
They are also known to enjoy motioning for children to sit down, then angrily running up to them and shouting at them in Lithuanian the moment they have, and brushing the chair clean once the child has jumped out of it. They will often repeat this with different chairs in the room as many times as possible.
If the child stops sitting down too quickly the grandparent will take a seat, and pat on the chair next to him to indicate that the child should sit there. Once the child is seated they angrily jump up and shout at them in Lithuanian again. Often they will smile at the child to try and regain the child's trust, just before tricking the child again, and as this is the only time Lithuanian grandparents smile it led to the commonly used phrase "Beware a smiling Lithuanian." They will often have a tender, loving look on their face until the moment the child is full seated, at which point they instantly contort their face into an expression of pure rage and malice.
[edit] Entertainment
[edit] Surskis & Mauzeris
Surskis & Mauzeris are national Lithuanian heroes. They fight crime and other forces of evil. If you're in trouble, just call 118 and our heroes will help you!
[edit] Music
[edit] Heavy Metal Plough Music
The most popular Traditional Heavy Metal Folk Music band in Lithuania is Juodoji Subata (translated as Black Sabbath where "sabbath" means "saturday"). The leader of Juodoji Subata is Pupu Dede, according to his own lyrics, "lietuviu karo deive" (the Lithuanian Goddess of War).
Other lyrics of Juodoji Subata describe the favourite Lithuanian weapon of war:
Kaip dejau is rozanciaus, net kibirkstys paspyle!
...and also the favourite idol still worshiped in rural areas:
Vajeeeeezau! Vajeeeeezau!
[edit] Musicians
[edit] Minedas
Minedas best singer at west Europe
[edit] Rytis Cicinas
The one and only but not least hermaphrodite performer in Lithuania, but better switch off the sound before watching him/her move on stage or TV whatsoever.
[edit] Valdas Karklelis
No comments needed. Just visit his official site.
[edit] Budulis
Lives in Baltish, a planet created by Lithuania. Sleeps with a 60-something in his bathtub.
[edit] Suopis and Rambynas Ramonai
http://whatson.delfi.lt/archive/article.php?id=10961815 A famous Lithuanian professional travelling circus. Their show is an education by itself. After seeing their true professional geeky corny lame-ass song and dance, you'll never want to laugh at amateurs like Rytis Cicinas and Valdas Karklelis ever again.
They made themselves famous by publishing their videos on the Internet. It was a real scream, but their live show beats all. Even the hardest cynics get tears in their eyes watching this duo perform. The latest rumor is that they are going to perform in in the world charity concerts with famous music groups such as U2 and Linkin Park. They even started to save money.According to the latest news the saved $ 0.99. And thats really good news!
[edit] Edmundas Kucinskas
Freddie Krueger, stepped out of lithianian music producers' nightmares.
[edit] Aivaras Stepukonis
Absolute winner of Eurovision of all times. Gay. Very smart in various jobs: hand job, foot job, and blow job.
[edit] Funky Style Crew
The national breakdancing team of Lithuania, the group is currently in a publicity scam to sell records a pathetic attempt to boost their "street cred" violent feud with south coast rivals Light Step Crew in hip hop battles throughout the country.
[edit] Writers
[edit] Kristijonas Donelaitis (that means: Christian Bread (he must be Tanoka's brother or something))
Funs of Spring by Kristijonas Donelaitis (we found out there's not much fun)
"...Sun climbed wakin up the world
And all winters boxers pulled down laughting
Cold industry with ice cought death
And snow froth everywhere disapeard
With that bad wheather smoothed fields
And different grass called from death
Bush with hoods woke up
And fields mounts with valleys lost their jumpers
That who in Autum dead crying
That who in lake spend Winter
Or under his magic through the winter slept
Everyone came congrate Summer..."
[edit] Žemaitė
The most unfamous lithuanian writer was Žemaitė (Lowerhead in english) who wrote such drastic novels like Marti (Robocop in english) or For Whom The Bell Tolls (about Žalgiris Battle). She is also known as cheapest woman in Lithuania and for that reason her portrait was placed on 1/3 lt bill. The story, why she felt so low, that she was the only girl in 21 children family. She has always thougth that she is a boy. This is really serious.
See Žemaitė.
