Super Jebus

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Warning, rejection of Jesus may lead to eternal damnation and loads of earthly fun!

Part of a series of articles on

Christianity

History of Christianity Jesus The Apostles Ecumenical councils Great Schism The Crusades Reformation

The Trinity God the Father The Son (Jesus Christ) The Holy Spirit

The Bible Old Testament New Testament Apocrypha The Gospels Ten Commandments Sermon on the Mount

Christian theology Fall of Man · Grace Salvation · Justification Christian worship

Christian Church Roman Catholicism Eastern Orthodoxy Protestantism Christian erudition Christian denominations Christian movements Christian ecumenism Christian scholastica Christian discourses

Important Figures Apostle Paul Church Fathers Augustine · Aquinas Wycliffe · Luther Calvin · Trammell Carver · Wesley Seaborg

Super Jebus, younger sibling of Jebus, is one of the lesser known Jesii. He calls himself Super Jebus to make himself feel better and somehow superior to his older and more popular brother, Jebus.

Contents 1 Background 2 Social life 3 Education 4 Crucified 5 Jebus...The Truth 6 Miracles performed 7 Super Jebus' ride 8 Alternative form 9 External links

[edit] Background

Super Jebus was the only Jesii to be born and raised in mainland Australia. Born on December 25, 1982, Super Jebus conceived in Brisbane, South-East Queensland, Australia. He was the last child of his parents, who are now both dead. His mother passed away in labour, when giving birth to Super Jebus. His father was left to raise Super Jebus on his own as a single parent, but killed himself in disgust when Super Jebus showed interest in buying Pokémon trading cards at age 11.

There's some information that during this period he did some "things" involving old Ford trucks and buckets of whale sperm, but historical facts are very sketchy regarding this time period.

Fortunately for Super Jebus, not long after his father's death the local priest took great interest in raising such a young and vulnerable boy, so offered to adopt him because the rest of Super Jebus' family lived in Israel. Super Jebus took great interest in the idea of moving to Israel to live with his rich family, but decided to give in to the priest when he came down with a severe case of cbfism which came about once he discovered how hard it was to learn Hebrew and Arabic.

Super Jebus went to live with the priest until he was 17. The priest tought him all about the bible and this is when Super Jebus decided to convert from crack to Christianity. Super Jebus found that with Christianity, he didn't have to be off his face to believe silly things.

Later on in his life, toward the end of high school just before he was kicked out of home, Super Jebus was the 'Official Band Pimp' in honky tonk band The Contortionists. During rehearsal, his friend Pauline Hanson - the band's drummer's girlfriend - gave Super Jebus some beer to drink, which is when Super Jebus discovered he had magical powers (other Jesii call these 'miracles').

[edit] Social life

Super Jebus gets his income from Centrelink in the form of student allowances. He is an avid bass player for a local death metal band, and gets shitfaced every Friday night at the local RSL. Super Jebus enjoys fixing up his ride, and is a well-known pimp. Super Jebus gave up on crack many years ago and thus doesn't deal it anymore. He now preaches Christianity instead, as it is far more lethal than any crack could be.

[edit] Education

Super Jebus currently attends the finest adult education centre in the southern hemisphere, TAFE WSI (Western Sydney Institute). It is mainly so he can get student benefits from Centrelink. Super Jebus is currently enrolled as an apprentice breakdancer.

[edit] Crucified

While at schoolies in queensland "by this time he was a tooly" his mates nailed him up on a light post as a bit of a gag. But he soon died. The next day while on acid his friends claim he came back to life before assending to heaven.

[edit] Jebus...The Truth

Jebus is really a 40 year old man who masturbates to pictures of young children and is a good friend of Jimbo Wales. Jebus also enjoys the taste of horse shit and eats it often. Some redeemer.

[edit] Miracles performed

Some of the known miracles Super Jebus has performed include:

- Getting Pauline Hanson to become the leader of One Nation

- Selling a stolen Nokia 6610i for the outrageous price of $275

- Receiving more than one student allowance payment from Centrelink at the same time

- Turning hops and water into beer

- Failing a module at TAFE WSI (previously thought to be impossible)

[edit] Super Jebus' ride

Super Jebus owns a 1985 Commodore VK SS 5.0L V8. It is pictured below.

Super Jebus is considering whether he should pimp up his ride with shiny plastic hubcaps and clip-on exhaust so people know he's the real deal when he drives past.

[edit] Alternative form

Super Jebus can also become the dreaded Hulk-Jesus; as shown in picture.

[edit] External links

TAFE NSW

Centrelink

Fact: Super-Jebsus caught the emo and died in 1066 in a gay bar not too far from the battle of hastings.