Super Mario Bros. 3

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You control Mario, who on occasion gets special powers when he dresses as a furry, who wants to rescue Princess Peach from the evil Bowser. But in doing so, he has to work his way through more than 2 uniquely themed worlds, making this the longest game in history of mankind, even longer than the 200 level epic Donkey Kong. This time though, Bowser has enlisted help from his 10 kids, but 3 were eaten by Bowser.

[edit] Controls

Originally, the controls for Super Mario Bros. 3 were so complex that only highly trained specialists such as Robert Downey Jr. and Quinton Flynn were able to understand them; however, after several years of playtesting and three separate virgin sacrifices the following streamlined control scheme was implemented:

A Button -- Jump

B Button -- Don't Jump

Kris Kross Button -- Jump Jump

House of Pain Button -- Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! (et al.)

X Button -- This one didn't come along until Super Nintendo.

Y Button -- Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?

Z Button -- Forget it.

Start Button -- Starts something.

Select Button (a.k.a. Scroll Lock) -- Best button in the universe; does absolutely nothing

Print Screen -- Saves screen image to clipboard

Control Pad -- used to change direction and run the other way to die by something else.

Mariachi Band Button -- used to summon a Mariachi Band. If you press it too much, they kill a random person.

[edit] Worlds

Below is a list of worlds you must work through (along with brief descriptions):

1) Pleasantville Land -- surroundings are rendered in black and white, until Mario discovers the joys of masturbation

2) Oz Land-- surroundings are rendered in black and white, until Mario discovers the joys of masturbation and crushing witches with houses

3) Sin City Land-- surroundings are rendered in black and white, even after Mario discovers the joys of masturbation

4)American History X Land-- surroundings are rendered in black and white, until Mario convinces a group of neo-nazis to stop hatred and racism by discovering the joys of masturbation.

5) It's a Wonderful Land -- surroundings are rendered in black and white, so an angel comes down to tell Mario what life would have been like if he had never discovered the joys of masturbation

6) Schindler's Land -- surroundings are rendered in black and white and Mario is trapped in a concentration camp, he can only escape by discovering the joys of masturbation.

7) Clerks Land -- Mario hangs around in a convenience store rendered in black and white while two deadbeats discuss and discover the joys of masturbation

8)Pie Land -- Why wouldn't Mario come here? After all, everybody loves pie!

9)Nietzsche Land -- Mario hangs around in a bleak and meaningless landscape, where an insane little voice tells him that God is dead

To this day, although (by conservative estimates) about 37 trillion people have played this game, no one has made it through Nietzsche Land, so the hypothetical levels "Clown Land" and "Luigi's Snuff Porn Factory" will not be discussed.

10)hooter land -- go to the land of all mens best dreams wher the bad guy have saggy titties

[edit] Trivia

• Ernest Hemingway is reported to have said, "If I can't beat this game I'm going to shoot myself."
• The Beatles composed the original soundtrack for this game, which was never actually released to the public, including such songs as "Why Are The Insides Of These Pipes Not Covered With Shit?" and "I Ate These Funny Mushrooms And Now The Plants Are Shooting Fireballs At Me!" and "Macarthur Park," the last of which was later optioned to Richard Harris as part of the Missouri Compromise.
• This is Dom DeLuise's all-time favourite game.
• Over 3 billion Canadian dollars ($2.16 AM$) were spent to select "that perfect, ineffably bluish kind of blue color" for the water levels, as well as the part of Mario's overalls that shielded a defenseless female populace from his turgid virility.
• Ever since this game was made, plumbers worldwide have reported a 5% increase in their overall standard of living, as well as an incredible 37% jump in their self-esteem.
• Piers Anthony, Darth Vader, and Punky Brewster all auditioned for the part of Bowser. However, it was Michael J. Fox who ultimately got the role.
• This game has been banned in Uzbekistan, Wisconsin, and the 15th story of the Sears Tower.
• It is estimated that 76% of all the statuary in ancient Greece is a result of amputees trying to use defective Tanooki suits.
• A bug is present is the third level of Sin City, wherein Mario's image is replaced by pornographic images. This is because Shigeru Miyamoto (director of the game) forgot to remove his pornographic collection and accidentally mixed it with the game's code.