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Swansea (Derived from the Latin Swan: Town and Sea:Emence) is the second biggest city in Wales. The name "Swansea" has nothing to do with Swans, or vikings called "Swaine".

[edit] History

Much like Australia, Swansea was founded in 1706 for the sole reason of housing expelled convicts from Cardiff. This new settlement was declared Cardiff, Jr. in 1708.

The present name derives from 1872, when an Englishman was visiting Wales, and asked a Swansea man what the big noise he could hear was. Being a kind Welshman, old Taff showed him Swansea football team playing. "It's Swans, see?" (hence Swansea).

Swansea went missing in 1945. Did anyone care? - Yes Jesus did.

Unfamiliar with the dialect, the name "Swansea" stuck ever to this day. Swansea Football Club have recently moved across Swansea into the new Liberty Stadium nearer to the slums where the majority of there supporters live,as many supporter were unhappy at the number of rats there were to consume in dust bins in and around the vetch feild.

Swansea was made famous in 1997 by the film Twin Town, a misleading title as no other city would ever be stupid enough to be a "twin town" of this shit hole.

[edit] Local Delicacy=

The most popular drink in Swansea is "Brains", which is better than any english beer.

As a special precaution a network of tunnels were built so that in the event of a natural disaster such as World Peace or the moon falling out of orbit around Texas onto Swansea the population can move through the maze-like tunnels to gather at any of the many pubs to avoid destruction. As a result, it is impossible to invade Swansea.

[edit] The people

People from Swansea are often called "Swansea Jacks" The famous poet, Dylan Thomas, hails from the town. Everybody has heard of him. He quoted Swansea as a "Suberb Town". He'd sell his soul to be alive now.

[edit] Famous People

Not contrary to popular belief, Swansea has no famous people. Catherine Zeta Jones lived in Mayals, and Bonnie Tyler near Neath. If anyone wants to make it in the world, it is advised to mention you are from Swansea. All hail Swansea.

The most loved and worshipped citizen of Swansea was Jack the Dog, who rose to fame and goddom in 1864 when he noticed a sinking boat off the coast of the Swansea Bay (a great beach), which had been sinking for several hours and gone entirely unnoticed. Misunderstanding the dog's attempts at communication as messages from God, the people of Swansea began worshipping the dog as a deity while the ship continued to sink. Frustrated, the Dog swam out to sea to try and rescue the sailors himself, and was followed by the gathering cult, who once again mistook his intentions and attempted to destroy the sinking vessel. jack the Dog himself died having rescued the Sailors single handedly, who were in turn killed by the vengeful cultists. He is generally recognised as the smartest creature to have ever come from Swansea.

Swansea is also home to the famous MTJ monster, which lives on the skulls and lungs of his victims. He is often seen eating animals such as bees, and can regularly be seen chewing on a half a bee.

The very famous "cheeky boy racer" Marc Emrise Hughes (of the french legion)was born and resided in Swansea until his untimely death in 2008.

Jonathan Melvin Hughes, a Jack wannabe regularly undertakes a night on the tiles in Swansea with his work mates. He is a keen Swansea City supporter and travels often with his alcoholic no-hopers to away matches. Highlights of away days include; A fit bird sat behind him once, swansea scored loads. Melv is often heard saying his catchphrase Fack off' which he so dearly loves.

[edit] Immigration

Swansea is renowed for the 2004 mass exodus of chavs from Cardiff to Swansea, when Cardiff decided to close all its newsagents and bus shelters, hence destroying their natural habitat. The Council responded by urging citizens to look up their local extermination firm in the Yellow Pages if a colony of chavs forms nearby. A chav can temporarily be paralysed by spraying Raid into its face.

On the 27 May 2006, Swansea was destroyed by a nuclear attack from Russia. Many people have yet to notice the difference.