Swearing

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Swearing is the official first fucking language of the nation of fucking Ireland. It is also widely spoken throughout fucking America and other fucking English speaking fucking countries.

Contents

[edit] History

Swearing was fucking invented in 1881 by Al "Fucking" Swearengen. Swearengen was born in fucking Glasgow, in 1857. As a young goddamn man, he became increasingly frustrated with the range of curse words available at the time. When a typical man of the time stubbed his toe on the dresser on the way to the lavatory in the middle of the night, the only linguistic relief he could get was in the form of words such as 'gadzooks', 'tish', 'bosby', 'taradiddle', 'badsausage', and 'shiteater' (the latter being a rare species of Glaswegian fish, whose name was mainly just a mistranslation and was not considered to be in the least bit profane). Swearengen sought to develop a vocabulary that could more adequately express outrage and pain. By repeatedly stubbing his toe against a dresser and shouting whatever came into his mind, Swearengen developed the first swearword in 1881 - 'bum'. The word was a success, mildly shocking three vicars who were in the vicinity. By 1889, Swearengen had developed most of our current canon of swearwords. In 1892, however, his fortunes were to change. He developed the C-word, the most destructive swearword known to man. When it was tested on April 14th 1892, everyone within earshot suffered intense aural haemorraging. Up to two miles away, monocles fell out of eyes and children's ears were covered up by concerned parents. For his actions, he was knighted and immediately beheaded by Queen Victoria. He was survived by his son, Sod Swearengen. Shit.

In the early 21st century, a TV series was made about the life of Swearengen, entitled Deadwood, after one of his more memorable creations, now sadly in abeyance. However, it is full of startling inaccuracies; all the action is shifted to the American West, and Swearengen kills people with guns rather than swearwords. Piss out my ass.

During World War Two, Britain imposed the Wartime Profanities Act which rationed the use of swearing, in order to give the armed forces priority in cursing.

[edit] Main Structure

Swearing is bi-focused language. It can be centered either on a noun or a verb, depending on the intentions of the speaker. The noun focus is called Descriptive, and the verb focus is called Imperative.

[edit] Descriptive Focus

In the Descriptive Focus, the main noun is stated accordingly to the person it is being said to. 


- You bitch!
   |   | 
   |   |- main noun
   |- addressing word

[edit] Imperative Focus

In the Imperative Focus, the verb is flexed accordingly to the person it is being said to. 

- Fuck you!
    |   |
    |   |- addressing word
    |- main verb

- Go fuck yourself!
   |   |     |
   |   |     |-addressing word
   |   |- main verb
   |- secondary verb

[edit] Special Focus

The Special Focus is a combination between both Descriptive and Imperative, when both noun and verbs are used to swear. 

- Fuck you, you fucking bitch!
   |    |    |     |     |
   |    |    |     |     |- main noun
   |    |    |     |- emphasizer
   |    |    |- addressing word
   |    |-addressing word
   |-main verb

[edit] Advanced Swearing

Having mastered the basic, the novice swearer can begin to move on to more elaborate constructions

[edit] Adjectival use

In really complex situations nouns or verbs can be used as adjectives with auxiliary nouns for added effect. 

- Cunt-bubble
   |    |
   |    +- auxiliary noun
   +- noun used adjectivally

This has the curious effect of rendering otherwise inoffensive words quite rude and thereby extending the accomplished swearer's vocabulary almost without limit.

[edit] Every Word a Curse Word

Sometimes, a swear word can be used for every word in the sentence. For example:

-Fuck fucking fuckers.

[edit] Compound cursing

By also attaching additional qualifying terms to verbs, very complex and highly effective constructions can be achieved. 

- Piss up a rope, fuck-stick
   |    |    |     |     |
   |    |    |     |     +- auxiliary noun
   |    |    |     +- adjectival verb
   |    |    +- qualifying object
   |    +- primary qualifying adverb
   +- primary imperative verb

You can't call someone a stupid fuck because fuck is either a verb (Go fuck yourself) or an adjective (You fucking whore.) It can't be used as a noun due to the fact that a fuck is not a thing (in an insulting sense... compare for example 'That was a really good fuck'). There is a fucker but that's a different word. Don't use fuck as a noun and we won't have any problems alright you stupid fu....oh shit, see what the fuck you made me fuckin' do you shit headed twat.

[edit] Basic Vocabulary

[edit] Criticisms

Two mothers from England, currently residing in Toronto, Ontario, Canada named Gertrude and Prunella Hublle created MASA (The Mothers Against Swearing Association). They feel swearing should be more "taboo", similar to the way it used to be. Mainly the two have been laughed at, followed by sworn at. However, they relentlessly chase their goal of reducing swearing by 100%. But, they say 50% will do.

[edit] Longest known swear

"Fuck your fucking fuck faced fucked up pie shoving hole that you use to spread stupidity upon your fucking friends who lick your motherfucking cock only because they don't have their own cock or mother to fuck in order to be motherfucking bastards like you and your father and mother and their fathers and mothers up to the third generation when your great grandfather decided to fuck a chicken in order to have children he could beat up and rape until they had other children he could rape until your brainless face was shoved into the world multipling the number of shit heads by an unimaginable amount that represents your stupidity and the stupidity of your ways in you miserable life that even snails consider more boring than sliming your father's cloged up ass-hole with slimy juices only your grandmother could reproduce in her infinite ugliness and slimines that can only hurt any normal man and prove she is the witch buffy missed when she was fucking vampires like your grandfather and killing dark bitches such as your flooped-belly grandmother who has no excuse for the pathetic life that her daughter brought into this already poor world which is overfilled with tightassed assholes such as your uncle and his uncle fucking wife which is a transexual dolphin with a silicon implant in her whale lips that suck your uncles fat nipples until they realized how useles they were to this whole world and gave birth to your zombie cousins that are just replicas of Michael Jackson and fall apart while trying to capture your bitch of a girlfriend who is only a stupid whore who sucks ass and shits all over the shitty cave you call home when you drag hay from the fucked up fields you roll in instead of actually doing something with your pathetic life even, to decorate the walls covered with horse shit between which you and your fucked up dog that you like to fuck in the ass instead of your girlfriend who is so damn ugly even animals run away at her sight, you religiously-fucked up sorry piece of white black trash with a small dick overlarge butthole vagina instead of belly button and arms like a baby who stinks like all the barf buckets of the world united into one stinking pile of arse that is your fuck fac...etc."

(Due to the insufficient memory provided from Wikia that hosted Uncyclopedia, the longest known swear was miserably reduced from 28 and a half page of swear to 397 words so that Uncyclopedia can keep its service.)

The answer was:

"Touché!!!!"

"NO! I WANT THAT SWEAR."

A swear string that comprises all known swear words-seriously. Use it well. Also, feel free to use in conversation any of the two-word segments, which in themselves are pretty good.

"You god-damn, whoop-arse, minge-munching, shit-bitch, mother-fucker, cock-sucker, tit-sucking, dickhead-wanking, fanny-furry, cunt-fucking, cross-dressing, donkey-raping, shit-eating twat-bag who chews on his own leathery scrotum sack!!!"
PS. This was made up by a 4-year-old. Scary.

[edit] See also

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