Swimming

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Swimming is and always has been an excuse for guys (including Lauren, who is as butch as they come) to wear tight cloth like garmets around their genital areas and for girls to show off the slight (say, 32B) bumps on their chest that they have developed over winter (in soviet Russia boobs are an excuse for swimming).

Of course, some people wear loose swimmers known to many as "board shorts" of cause this is just because their penises and/or breasts are not big enough to fill regular tight swimmers. Most of the people that you see wearing "board shorts" are the try hard gangsters that hang around the out sides of the pool perving on all the undeveloped girls (or sometimes boys)

Swimming is the only real sport in the world. Generally it is done in water.

Swimming is sometimes simply an excuse to perv, sure you see people swimming laps, but if you think these people are doing it to get fit then you sir are doing well to have read this far, any way it is quite obvious that they are looking at the people from under the water, and as they turn touching their genitals causeing little pleasure each time.

Swimming also gives women an excuse to not shave their legs for weeks before a big swim and guys a reason to finally feel what it is like to be shaved. Women in swimming find this relieving and also unusually attractive to feel a male swimmers freshly shaved legs, back, and head. Hmm...

UnNews: Iowa celebrates Summer with worlds largest pool.

[edit] Swimmers

There are Seven basic types of people that you will see at a public pool and chances are you're one of them.

A pervert.
An old fat lady.
Some guy with a small #### (who has stuffed his swimmers to make himself feel big).
A todler who ##### in the pool.
The try hard gangsters.
Young undeveloped girls.
People showing off what they are developing during puberty (for these people they have just entered puberty and are most likely pushing 30).

Other People you will see at the pool: (These people are universally recognized as the Capital Cripz Crew)

Grand Bizzle
Gazz
Mizzle
Razza
L to the E
M C Fizzle
Titty Main
Big B
Some Killer Bees
The Hulk
Slutty McSlutface

[edit] Which group are you in?

Now you ask your self are you in one of these groups, if your not you have to ask yourself what are you doing at a public pool, is it because you enjoy the STD's that you will inevitably get or is it because you can't get a man in real life and you like to sit in the pool with your pants off hopeing someone has recently ejaculated in there so you can get pregnate.

What ever the reason, if you think you don't fit one of those groups and you don't fit one of the reason above then you are either in denial (yes that is in egypt) or your mentaly retarded, if this is the case you have four options.

Stop reading this article and maybe try going to the mentality page (it is posible that this will lead to the last option).
Stop reading this article and go to wikipedia to learn more (not recomended).
Get of the internet (also not recomended).
Suicide (Yes this is a good choice, do you really want to be a vegetable your whole life, I mean seriously no one likes vegetables).

[edit] Swimmers and safe sex

Having sex while swimming is the safest method of having sex, yes this is more safe than not having sex. The ancient quote "If you have sex you WILL die" does not count if your in the pool, of cause this is not the place to discuss the reasons behind this, but it has something to do with the sperm being afraid of water and getting stuck in the penis causeing and explosion (which is entirely irrelevent).

Now on to Olympic swimming, this of cause is rigged, Ian "Thorpedo" Thorpe, is as many of you can guess an asian invention that the australians stole, along with the kangaroo and Tasmania, the whole sport is faked just like Car Racing and tenpin bowling. The Pool is actually only 25 metres long not 50 and through the magic of camera angles it is made to look like 50, the water is also actually sewage and through the wonders of photoshop (which I add is quite easy to get for free) they make it look clean, the acual race consists of two or three swimmers (the ones out in front) and the rest are put in digitally (so if your looking to become an olympic swimmer, then stop now because you will either be swimming in sewage for 25 meters against something Asians made, or you stand their and they cut you out and add you to the race later).