Syndicalism
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“When the working class aquires taste, taste will soon go out of fashion”
~ Oscar Wilde on Working class organisation
“It won't work”
~ Captain Obvious on Syndicalism
Syndicalism is a political ideology that claims that the state shall be dissolved an replaced with organized crime.
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[edit] It just won't work!
This utopian idea is loved by a few and scorned by the majority. The second best argument against it is that any dissolving of the state won't work at all. The best argument against it is if you switched the state against organized crime, what would be the difference?
[edit] Hell yeah, it will!
On other hand most modern stylists agree that it will work. Not only does the trashy punk look have something eternally cool about it, but you'll sound like a really hip dude when you shout "Anarcho-Syndicalism! Anarcho-Syndicalism! Anarcho-Syndicalism!" from the roof of your local McDonalds.
[edit] History
Syndicalism arose in the middle 19:th century simultaneously in France and Italy. The political system in Europe showed itself inept to deal with the economical crisis of the 1840's. A massive shortage of Absinthe left the dispossessed Addicts all over Europe alone to try to take care of their own problems. Their experience of moonshining inspired the workers and peasants] to raise their hoarse voices in a cry for self rule and political autonomy. In Italy the ghost of soberness struck out the Mafia. Independent of each other, this two groups came to the same conclusion - that the best way to take care of your self in a crisis is to stick to your gun and screw the legislation.
[edit] Organization
The combination of workers rights and organized crime soon lead to the formation of the syndicate. The syndicate is the founding stone of the syndicalist organization and has at it's goal to protect a certain trade on the local level. The syndicates are on the national level organized in Trade Union Federations, and on the local level in Families.
[edit] Syndicalism and anarchism
Just like you can't accept an offer by a telephone salesman without finding that you on the same time has bought 15 other merchandises that you never heard of, you can't join a syndicalist orgaisation without coming home with a black star on the jacket. This is mainly the fault of the Spainish who like to blend things freely in their tasty paella. In the civil war against general Franco in 1936-39 the anarchists led the shootings while the syndicalists did the talking, a joint venture that has kept on ever since.
[edit] American Syndicalism
In the end of the 19:th century, the IWW, Illinois Wide Web was founded as Americas first syndicalist trade union. They soon earned the nickname "wobblies" for their inability to decide which kind of action to take in any given situation, and for their love of Kitten Huffing. Usually when the wobblies would get more than 3 members on a work site, they would start a sit strike, then hang around for a few hours, Huff a kitten, then work a little to earn some pocket money. Then go on strike again....
This undecisefulness didn't stop until the employers hired the Pinkerton private detective army to chase the wobblies away from the working scene. This gave the wobblies a direction in life and drove them into the arms of the Tattaglia family, sanctioned by the Your Enemy’s Enemy Is Your Friend - Legislation.
With the Tattaglias in their back the IWW reached a golden age of work extortion. Soon their famous demand:
started to echo all over the dense industrialized Great Lake Region.
In 1914 the Mexican Revonution under the supervision of the anarchic Emiliano Zapata became the first revolution pre funded by the movie industry. Zapata sold the film rights of his memoirs to Hollywood in exchange for the needed guns and ammunition. His revolution was subsequented cast with Marlon Brando in the leading role. Hence Brando became a role model for the american syndicalism, and that rewarded him a place as a lice in the black and red flag. It also helped him to establish a nourishing relation to the mafia and the leading role in the Godfather serie.
From the family branch off the syndicalist organisation came the second greatest of the american syndicalists, Marilyn Monroe. As a libertarian Mata Hari she was hand picked in order to ensnare the very president of the United Stete. The plan was founded on an assumption that the assassination strategy promoted by Sorel on the late 19:th century was unsufficient for modern political struggle. It was therefore suggested that direct violent action against leaders of the state should be replaced by direct sexual seduction.
Shortly thereafter, President Kennedy was assassinated. Most archeologist agree that the hit was organized by Frank Sinatra because he was mad that Marilyn Monroe had outdeted him as the mafias favourite pet. He thus proved the eternal values of anarchist philosofer Sorels love for physical violende. Seducer Monroe quickly passed away from the political scene, sex fast slided away from Washington to Woodstock, while assassination became the political fashion of the decade.
In short, everything returned to the way it was back in the late 19th century. But most people blamed this on the Matrix, and not on the failed anarcho-syndicalist revolution (Primarily because most people have very short memories and are confused by long words.)
[edit] Theory
Unlike the rest of the socialist family tree, syndicalism doesn't work in theory. All attempts made by great filosofers like Kropotkin and Bakunin has ended in contradictions and confusion. This has lead to the conclusion that the syndicalist ideology, which consists to 95% of a simple organization scheme, is under the influence of Kurt Gödels Incompleteness Theorem. Hence, now matter how well developed a syndicalist organisation becomes:
- there vill be at least a bunch of syndicates that doesn't fit into any branch federation
- there will be at least two internal groups with such immense different point of views that every congress will collaps into total incapacity of common activity.
Thus, syndicalism is quite civilised ideology, since it is mostly harmful for those believing in it, but hardly notable for outsiders.
[edit] Practice
The Socialist Complementary Principle states that any utopian idea that works in therory will inevitably fail if it ever is put into practice. Hence, the syndicalist practice works very well, since it hardly ever follows it's inept ideology.
The syndicalist practice consists of a numerous tactics on how to achieve specified limited goals such as raising salary, improving labor safety, score receptionists, keeping jobs, getting rid of jobs and instead live on social security.
Some of the most famous methods are:
- negotiations
- sit down strikes
- massive strikes
- massive general strikes
- massive super-general strikes
- blockades
- extorsion
- blaxploitation
- sabotage
- blatant lies
- horse heads
- harassing starbucks waitresses
[edit] Alternate uses of the word
Anarcho-syndicalism has a lot of syllables. It can therefore be used to confuse drunken members of the opposite sex long enough for you and you buddies to score. There is just something sexy about this word, isn't there? It just rolls off the tounge, just like a lot of other things which are a lot of fun on a Saturday night.
[edit] Famous Syndicates
[edit] Famous Syndicalists
- Baby Jesus
- Emiliano Zapata
- Vito Corleone
- Marilyn Monroe Clones
- Mayor McCheese
- Mickey Mouse
- Donald Duck
- Eminem
- Jimmy Hoffa
- Al C'PWN
- Peter Griffin
