TERD

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TERD stands for "Teachers' Educational Reading Directions." It is a larger liberal organisation than the ACLU, and is aimed at guiding teachers in filling students' heads full of poop, nothing interesting, or usually a combination of the two. TERD recruits new member schools by using personality quizes for the school, and then accepts or declines the application based on the number score. As a member of TERD, schools are required to follow their guidelines if they want to receive money.

[edit] Backgroud

TERD was a latin word that means sheldon jackson, it was later perseived as a piece of crap

[edit] TERD's Mission Statement

It was stated By Dr. Spock in 1965, "We, the TERD organisation, wish to nurture and love the students of the United States' member TERD schools. We will guide the principal, teachers, administrators, and other staff in the enforcement of our rules and regulations. We will do this not by caning, or spanking, or physical abuse, but by loving and caring for every student. We will try as much as possible to shelter them from the outside world for as long as we possibly can. And when the time comes to teach them the ways of the world, it will be our job, and not the job of parents. From the meanest of bullies, to the class clown, to the teacher's pet, and to the regular students, we will make sure that ALL benefit from our policies." [Unless you are a white, heterosexual male]

[edit] History

TERD broke with doctor Spock in 1969, in order to avoid confusion with the Spock from the growing-in-popularity Star Trek TV show. Spock could not bear to see his TERD organisation overthrow him as their leader, but he was quoted in his later years as saying, "TERD was my brainchild. And like all children, they must eventually go out into the world on their own." Finding new strength, TERD then was released upon the world from the restrictions of Dr. Spock. No longer having a leader, TERD elected a new leader every 1 year. It has been a time-honored tradition for new TERD president to introduce one or more fresh policies to teachers and schools every year. The first policy was the Poetry Analysis, and it has been downhill since then.

[edit] Downhill Since Then

TERD began extreeme liberal policies, many of which are still in use in member TERD schools today. These policies are:

• 1971- Poetry Analysis
• 1972- School bans Fedoras in school, even though all of the kids had parents who wore them. TERD retorts by saying, "It is time for a new generation."
• 1973- The MLA, or Modern Language Association
• 1976- Teaching kids to spit on white South African immigrants that the kids happened to pass in the street until their leadership gave up apartheid 10,000 miles away.
• 1977- Teaching Global Warming in schools so that kids would "Like, save the environment, man."
• 1980- Founding of the "Like, save the rainforest, man." school fund raiser. It raised a total of 143 dollars. W00t. Not...
• 1981- Starting the "Don't smoke" class (AKA Health)
• 19 19 1985- Tries to ban soda machines in high schools, but after realising that it was responsible for a lot of the schools money, they put it back the next day. Most students were unaware that anything even happened.
• 1987- Teaching Kids never to ever drink, not even at parties. This didn't work.
• 1987- TERD orders teachers to take away student's Walkmans, and to never give them back. TERD even went as far as to size collected walkmans and sell them. They used the money to fund the posters in 1989.
• 1989- Puts up posters all around schools which say, "Soda rots your teeth, mkay."
• 1991- School-wide fund raisers to ban Freeon. Raised 144 dollars. One more than last time!
• 1992- TERD takes the school ban of Fedoras further, banning everything from hoodies to baseball caps. This is so that their knowledge can more easily enter your head, without a hat to block the info flow.
• 1993- TERD orders the removal of the Nativity scene at the school Christmas event, claiming that it, "Contains an explicit reference to Christianity, which is a violent religion because of the crusades." How the school connected a nativity scene to the crusades remains a mystery to this day.
• 1994- With the end of Apartheid in South Africa, TERD ends their 1976 policy. But they begin a new white guilt policy, which is aimed to make every white person feel like second-class citizens.
• 1995- TERD bans Pokemon cards in school, because the trading of the cards encourages free enterprise.
• 1995- Replaced every school play of Romeo and Juliet with The Lion King play to embrace African wildlife.
• 1996- Teachers are encouraged by TERD to read the storybook Heather has two Mommies in class.
• 1996- All TERD member schools ban Pokemon T-Shirts, because Pokemon encourages animal abuse and poaching.
• 1997- All TERD schools ordered to stop the playing of Tag at recess. Teacher TERDs enforced 'no tag' by handing out detentions like lollipops at a doctor's office.
• 1998- Orders the shortening of all drinking fountains in every school to 3 feet in height in order to accommodate midgets.
• 1999- TERD Bans Yu-ghio-h cards. However, since they spelt it wrong in the rulebook, kids brought them to school anyway. It is really Yugioh.
• 2000- TERD schools stop having the Pledge reciting every day, because it contains the words "under God"
• 2001- In response to the Terrorist attacks of 9/11, the TERD schools host a large "Muslim Culture Accept-a-Thon" day.
• 2002- Replaced the school play of The Lion King with Frosty the Snowman because The Lion King contains a 'scary scene' where Simba's father dies. It also displayed dictatorship when Simba's uncle Scar takes over the pride. Frosty the snowman seemed like a better choice because it would show the devastating effects of Global Warming on the snowman population.
• 2003- All school administered softball games must no longer keep score because it might "Hurt the losing team's feelings"
• 2004- TERD bans all cell phones, to bar communication of students with the outside world, even after school has ended for the day.
• 2005- Takes the Frosty play out of school because it contains a reference to a "Corncob Pipe and a Button nose, and two eyes made out of coal." Since coal is a 'nonrenewable resource' and they didn't want to encourage kids to use coal in any fashion. And the pipe could be seen as a tobacco endorsement by the school and teachers.
• 2006- Removed all American flags from the schools, because it might, "offend someone who recently immigrated to the U.S." They later replaced the red, white, and blue flag with just a plain old red flag.
• 2007- Experiments with a Ban on Legos at a member school because it expresses free enterprise, which they dont want kids to know about since they spread lies about freedom.

[edit] How To Be A TERD School

Becoming a TERD school is easy! Just use this simple Quiz. You can then E-Mail it to the TERD foundation along with your school's name, state, and street adress.

For every question you get right, give yourself a point. For every wrong, minus one point.

• 1. Does your school have soda or snack vending machines? Right answer: No
• 2. Does your school prohibit hats to be worn indoors? Right answer: Yes
• 3. Is your school a private school? Right answer: No*
• 4. Does your school make white people feel guilty about what their ancestors did 100 years ago? Right answer: Yes
• 5. Does your school allow blacks to pass classes easier than whites? Right answer: Yes
• 6. Does your school have at least 5 gay or lesbian teachers? Right answer: Yes
• 7. Do you allow MP3 players or cellphones at your school? Right answer: No
• 8. Do you serve meat at your cafeteria? Right answer: No
• 9. While studying art forms and culture, do you include art from many nations other than those that are White European descent? Right answer: We don't have ANY European art in our school!
• 10. Do you allow smoking in the teacher's lounge? Right Answer: Yes, who WOULDN'T smoke after being with those brats all day?
• 11. Is health class a mandatory class to take? Right answer: Yes
• 12. ^...For every grade level at your school? Right answer: Yes
• 13. Are half your foreign language classes NOT spoken in any European Country? Right answer: Yes
• 14. Are Harry Potter books banned? Right answer: Yes, because that book offends wiccans.
• 15. Do you say "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas" to your students? Right answer: Neither!

OK, Add up your points. Here is the scale

• 1-3: You FASCIST! You are very inconsiderate of other people's beliefs! You violate other peoples' right to not be offended in any way. I wish there was a hell just FOR YOU, but we here at TERD are atheists.
• 4-7: You have some work to do before we accept you into the schools of TERD.
• 8-11: Congrats! You can become a TERD school! We will E-mail the TERDy details to you shortly.
• 12-15: Oh my word! I would kiss your feet if they weren't covered with germs!

(*You may be a private school and still be a TERD member. However, you MUST score in the 12-15 range if you are a private school.)