Taco Bell
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SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Consuming Taco Bell by ANYONE may result in rectal injury, premature turds, and explosive diarrhea, followed by temporary feelings of euphoria followed by sharp pains and withdrawls.
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[edit] Background
Taco Bell is a sex position involving hot sauce, a chihuauha and a tiny metal bell. It contains three of my favorite things, beastiality, anal sex and mexican food. Founded as a solution for America's growing waste problems, Glenn Bell discovered that by adding sour creme to the average pile of trash and wrapping it in a tortilla, he could sell "tacos" to ignorant white America. Too make his restaurants more authentic and to avoid paying those pesky labor fees, Taco Bell uses illegal immigrants from Costa Rica and Mexico as its primary workforce. Known for its tasty chalupas and infamous E. Coli wraps, its pastors make up nearly 12/18ths of the population of Mexifornia. In 2004, they reported forced donations north of 276 million dollars. However, most of these profits were spent on candy, against the advice of Taco Bell's mother, who had wanted him to start a savings account. One of the biggest fans of Taco Bell is it's Pope, Benedict XVI. Taco Bell's tacos, until very recently, consisted of Rooster testicles plus the traditional pile of american trash. Taco Bell has since promised to raise its standards and now substitutes rooster testicles for rat meat.The rat meat within the tacos have been known to be of the highest quality outside of New York. Reno Nevada remains the only exception. Instead they choose to use ground up hobo as a substitute for rat meat in Taco Bell's tacos and burritos. Reno Nevada also boast the lowest homeless rate in the west.
[edit] The Taco Bell Chihuahua
In the late 1940s, Taco Bell introduced its new God, a chihuahua named Percy. The dog was a hit, and was much better received than their previous mascot, a crack dealer named Dirty Sanchez( that fat mexican who mows your lawn.) The chihuahua caught on with the American pubic, as well as the public, with his signature catchphrase "A mi me gusta penes gordos", which roughly translates to "I like me some fat cocks." The dog went on to save all of fnord humanity from their sins better than before, and created the dollar menu which will make you feel like hell,that dogs been working with the devil.It's out to get you in your sleep,it wants revenge. it cuts off your balls and b-iotch slaps you, while doing your girlfriend.
[edit] Controversies
In 2002 Taco Bell was sued by the country of Mexico for its' poor representation of Mexican food. The case reached the Supreme Court in 2006 and was decided in Taco Bell's favor when it was proven that, although Taco Bell's food is 83% more disgusting than real Mexican food, every portion contains at least 67% real Mexican body parts.
Hitler Jr has been rumoured to eat at Taco Bell, but he denies it.
Later cries from hardcore beasitality groups found offense in Taco Bell's 2004 slogan "Fuck you, Fuck everything, Taco Bell" After the ensuing bloody riots across Europe because of this controversy, it was more appropriately changed to "I'm going to get double fisted by two black midgets, then eat at Taco Bell!!!=)"
[edit] Latest Offerings
The new E.Coli Supreme Grande has been test-marketed in the northeast, with awfully poor results. As a result, Taco Bell will no longer market this product. This echoes the failure of Chi-Chi's test-market of Green Onions...now with Hepatitis A!.
There are rumors that Taco Bell is considering the production of giant bell-shaped tacos, which consist of the taco salad shell being inverted thereby resembling a bell. Engineers are still working on how to keep the meat from falling out. Lettuce too.
[edit] Taco Bell in Plop Culture
Pop artist Fergie has mentioned Taco Bell as her restaurant of choice. She states in her recent song "Glamorous" that she still went to Taco Bell and that the drive through was "raw as hell." Therefore, one must avoid the drive through at all costs, because we all know what is "raw as hell" Fergie.
[edit] Murder, Hiding, and Rising back to the top
In August of 2544 The Taco Bell Chihuahua Jose H. Sanchez The 23rd Chihuahua was shot and killed while driving in front of a Mc. Donald's in Ronaldville Mexifornia. The shooting was believed to be gang motivated. The next year Taco Bell was scheduled to go to court on charges involving gangs. Taco Bell went into hiding in an un-known location to the general public all though hundreds of penguins caught E. Coli during this time. In 2582 Dane Cook was impeached on the grounds that he shot Spock to steal the presidency. Taco Bell re-entered the general population from 2586-2588 re-claimg most of their former locations who had been taken over by Mc. Donald's.
[edit] How it Works
This is what happens at the drive-thru window at Taco Bell:
6:00pm -- You pull up to the little screen and wait.
6:12pm -- You wait
6:32pm -- You hear a click followed by "Th*czz* for ch*czz* sing *czzz* ell. I'll be one s*czz* ond."
6:35pm -- You assume they said "Thank you for choosing Taco Bell. I'll be one second.
7:26pm -- You hear a click and then "Thank you for *czz*ing. May I take you're order?"
7:27pm -- You order a bag of kittens and a Baja Blast to drink
7:29pm -- You hear a click and then "Would *czzz*ou like anything else?"
7:30pm -- You say no
7:30pm -- You pull up to the first window
7:52pm -- Someone opens the window and takes your money.
7:53pm -- You pull up to the next window
9:47pm -- Someone gives you your food
9:50pm -- You arrive at home and begin consuming
10:00pm -- You take a crap
12:43am -- You stop crapping
12:44am -- You pull up your pants
12:45am -- Crap juice sprays down your leg
12:50am -- You go into the bathroom.
12:50:50 am -- As you take off your pants, shit sprays onto the wall.
12:51 am -- You puke all over the sink after seeing the huge piles of shit all over the wall.
12:53 am -- Your dog starts to eat your shit, but then pukes onto your shoes, and so you puke onto your dog.
1:00 am -- After a few moments of agony on the toilet, the smell gets too bad, so you go into the hall, thinking your shit-fit is over.
1:01 am -- Something warm covers your legs...
1:02 am -- Your dog licks your legs, and you realize you've been lying on the carpet, shitting yourself.
1:05 am -- You succumb to dehydration and pass out as your legs soak up the spicy flavor of puke and crap.
3:00 am -- You wake up to find your dog dead and rotting in a pile of half-eaten shit.
8:00am --You finish cleaning up the massive shit stains all over your bathroom.
9:00am -- You're so fat and hungry that you eat your rotting dead dog, with spicy vomit and shit
6:00pm -- You go to Taco Bell again.
[edit] See also
- Poop Cuisine
- Find the Taco
- Feud Food: Drive-Thru Deathmatch
- Grilled Stuft Burrito
- Baja Blast
- Cheesy Gordita Crunch
- taco
- taco
- taco
- I want to eat a taco
- mexican food wannabe
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