Talk:Hamburglar

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

[edit] Merge/move?

There's another article out there caled "Hamburgler" that deals with the same guy. Should that article be merged with this one? Ron Stoppable 17:12, 29 May 2006 (UTC)

Yes. I've moved the other page's history here to the correct spelling (since it was a much fuller version) and deleted the original page. I've pasted the contents below that I deleted. Feel free to merge them if you like (and delete them from this talk page when done). --Splaka 03:39, 30 May 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Deleted contents to be merged?

[[Image:Burglar.jpg|thumb|right|Your food is in serious danger]]

The Hamburglar was born in 1969 to a conservative FBI agent father and a Liberal tree hugging mother.  Abandoned at age 3 by his mother who joined up as a roadie with [[John Coltrane]], The Hamburglar was raised by his conservative father John "Sherlock Holmes" D'Agistino.  The untimely death of his father in 1977 left The Hamburglar to grow up on the streets of [[New York City]] alone at the age of 8.  The young Hamburglar quickly took to a life of crime and by age 12 he was wanted for [[drug]] smuggling, fast food racketeering, and various public lewdness violations. 

Fortunately, The Hamburglar was taken in by young resturant entrepreuner [[Ronald McDonald|Ronald "McDonald" Steinberg]] at age 14.  Ronald gave The Hamburglar a job as a bathroom porter in an upstart fast food resturant called "Steinberger's". After the failure of this fast food resturant, The Hamburglar and Ronald became bitter enemies, blaming the failure on each other.  

In 1985, Ronald started another [[fast food]] resturant called "[[McDonald's]]", which rose to great heights due to the use of low-cost, high-profit [[kanagroo]] meat and an increase of [[Fatties]] in the [[United States]]. The success of Ronald angered The Hamburglar, who attempted to murder Ronald and steal his hamurgers of the new "McDonald's"  

The trial of The Hamburglar was considered the "Trial of the Century", and after 3 years of media frenzy and secret deliberations, the jury found him not guilty of attempted murder but guilty of Grand Theft [[hamburger|Burger]].  The trial led to one of the most famous lines in the history of [[criminal]] [[justice]]:

:'''''How many burgers could a burger burglar burgle if a burger burglar could burgle burgers?'''''

The Hamburglar was sentenced to 15 years in [[prison|Federal Prison]], but was let out in 1993 for good behavior.  A born again [[Christian]], the Hamburglar is now a consultant of burger security for major fast food chain resturants. He lives with his wife Savannah and 3 kids in [[Clifton]], NJ. His friends refer to him simply as "The Hamparolee."

The original Hamburglar, after brutally murdering the first incarnation of [[Ronald McDonald]], was recognized as the [[Greatest Person on the Face of the Earth]] from 1047-1050AD.
[[Category:Characters]][[Category:Fast Food]]