| Humo(u)r:
| 6
| A good start on presenting an idea that is difficult to convey. I think the humour would be lost on most people, though; and I have a hard time understanding it too. A lot is lost given that it is written, and the tongue-in-cheek nature really needs to presented as a skit or something that lends a tone of voice to the speaker. Without a tone of voice, you have to work extra hard to get across the idea. I found the connection to psychoanalytic theory to be vague; I hate to say "explain the joke more" but maybe if you expanded upon the intro you could make it funnier and clearer. "Your mom" begins to wear thin after a while, you perhaps could embellish it to make it funnier and also make your point clearer at the same time. I guess you want to maintain the subtlety, but I have a hard time figuring out if the "your mom" comments are all oedepal, or insults (of the "your mom is so ugly she has to wear a Burqa" variety), etc. Some good moments in the article - she's not a barber but needs one - more such moments would help.
|
| Concept:
| 6
| A reasonable idea, but needs to be expanded to be more effective.
|
| Prose and Formatting:
| 8
| Formatted correctly, and yes, you have the grammar.
|
| Images:
| 6
| The Kip Dynamite photo suits the article. If you expand the article, well-chosen pictures could improve the effect you're seeking.
|
| Miscellaneous:
| 7
| Points for originality and for tongue-in-cheek writing style.
|
| Final Score:
| 33
| I would stay away from the more cliche humour such as Captain Obvious and crossing out part of a word.
|
| Reviewer:
| Rogpyvbc 19:57, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
|
