Talk:Mike Read
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They closed the Guardian thread!!! :-(
exiledlondoner Comment No. 703932 July 17 12:51 ESP "Last October, having spoken for the third time at a Conservative conference many influential and political figures encouraged me to stand as London mayor, resulting in many people in the party urging me forward."
You couldn't make it up!
Care to name them? I'd love to know which "influential and political figures" would admit to being unable to come up with a better candidate than Mike Read - the mind boggles.
drbendyspoogun
Comment No. 703937 July 17 12:53 GBR Deleted by CIF moderator.
bromley
Comment No. 703940 July 17 12:54 GBR I would like to announce that I, too, will not be standing for Mayor of London.
bananacannon
Comment No. 703946 July 17 12:55 GBR Mike Read - "I'm Backing Boris"
THIS JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER. Can we have the Hairy Cornflake next, please.
cousinJasper
Comment No. 703961 July 17 12:59 GBR Relax, don't do it.
ardennespate
Comment No. 703963 July 17 13:01 GBR "I've decided not to stand as mayor of London".
Because no one will vote for you, you washed-up old has-been egomaniac nobody.
Ragged
Comment No. 703965 July 17 13:01 GBR This was written by Harry Enfield, wasn't it?
Cholo
Comment No. 703971 July 17 13:05 GBR Some of your ideas sound more Ken than Boris.
For starters, flogging merchandise in mayoral offices isn't very Tory. It would impinge upon the private sector. Underground car parks too: If there is a market, the private sector will provide. And why not let the police decide where to put their men to best effect?
Many of your suggestions concerning crime are for the judiciary, not the mayor. The mayor can give the police more money to catch more criminals, but the sentences should be decided by the legal establishment.
The laureate idea - would you pay him?!
Devolution of power and frugality is what Boris should stand for. Not micro-management.
I'd like to see him promise - No more junkets. Especially not to Venezuela or Cuba. - Cut the hospitality budget of the Mayor's office to zero. - Sack all but one of the dozens of press officers. - Sack the "special advisers" currently employed. When Ken's cronies lost their seats at the last election, he simply re-employed them on twice the money. Axe them! - Keep the mayor's budget increases to less than inflation.
Baggy
Comment No. 703975 July 17 13:07 GBR Thanks for standing aside, Smashy. Very big of you. No news yet from Nicey as to whether we can expect the same grand gesture, though.
Honestly, isn't there a pub for this man to bore instead?
"Create a London laureate to extol the virtues of the city in song and verse" - can I nominate Chas & Dave? Or are you angling for that job yourself?
WattaPalaver
Comment No. 703982 July 17 13:10 GBR "I've spoken to lots of young kids in gangs or "crews" as they prefer to be known and most want to get out of a way of life that gives them nothing. Get in there ... understand their problems and give them access to sporting facilities and the chance to make music, act, dance and write. Get them integrated into society and to realise its value."
Thats right Mike. All these "urban" types can only do sport or make music can't they? Its the sense of rhythm that does it, eh Mike?
How about giving them the chance to become journalists or nuclear physicists or geography teachers or Corgi registered plumbers or radiographers? How about giving them the chance of achieving a sense of self-worth that doesn't revolve around sports or entertainment or celebrity?
Patronising Tory twaddle.
Finite187
Comment No. 703990 July 17 13:12 GBR Hey ho Mike, all the tories are coming out of the woodwork I see?
"That said I'm happy to support Boris in any way necessary and have discussed the mayoral situation with his charming father, Stanley."
Yes.. says it all really.
"Get in there ... understand their problems and give them access to sporting facilities and the chance to make music, act, dance and write."
..because Boris Johnson, an old etonian, is the ideal candidate to empathise with street gangs?
"the congestion charge and put the life back into London trading."
..and watch the traffic reach gridlock again, and pollution go through the roof. What an intelligent solution
"Improve traffic light phasing (still a disaster after Ken's tampering)"
Ah yes, that old fairy story.. thought up by drivers fuming at the congestion charge but unable to suggest any alternative.
belfastpete
Comment No. 703993 July 17 13:13 GBR "This was written by Harry Enfield, wasn't it?"
I thought it was Craig Brown.
I write this from my hospital bed where I'm in having my sides stitched back up.
Arnold1
Comment No. 704001 July 17 13:17 GBR Are all Tories unspeakably ugly inside and out?
Yep.
Dave69
Comment No. 704011 July 17 13:21 GBR A copper on every Tube entrance, all the time? Will there be any left for anything else?
I thought the idea that London's 'profile' needed 'raising' was hilarious enough...
bobdoney
Comment No. 704013 July 17 13:22 GBR I notice from this page that China has been swamped by 2 billion rodents.
dumbfounded
Comment No. 704023 July 17 13:25 GBR I have to congratulate the Grauniad on it's wiley editorial tactic of spearing those Boris supporters with a 'Typical Tory' spear from Mike Read as if to vindicate Wally Toynbee and Steven Pence. What next - Boris's dog is the lovechild of Cliff Richard and Mary Whitehouse and is a secret member of the Tom Cruises's Scientology sect.
JJ10
Comment No. 704029 July 17 13:26 GBR I think the Guardian would call this article "Balance"
KingLeonidas
Comment No. 704046 July 17 13:30 GBR Mike Reid has given us the first good reason to vote Ken.
ianiles
Comment No. 704060 July 17 13:33 GBR dumbfounded "...Boris's dog is the lovechild of Cliff Richard and Mary Whitehouse and is a secret member of the Tom Cruises's Scientology sect."
Er, that is true isn't it? Except for the scientology bit. Boris' dog isn't that daft.
And breaking news, Andy Kershaw is also not standing for London Mayor. Which is a shame.
wiredandtired
Comment No. 704073 July 17 13:38 GBR Next up..... Bachman Turner Overdrive and you aint seen nothin' yet.
LesterJones
Comment No. 704083 July 17 13:41 SWE Mike Reid
Thanks Mike, that was bloody hilarious...
"making sure that rapists, murderers and paedophiles have no place, and never will, on the streets of London, and will not threaten civilised society"
Brilliant, yes lets make sure of that ha ha
"I've spoken to lots of young kids in gangs or "crews" as they prefer to be known"
Please film one of these meetings next time you get down wid da kidz ha ha ha
"Let's train traffic wardens to exercise common sense and reward Londoners who work hard"
Oh my God Mike you are priceless
Please get involved in Boris Johnsons campaign, it would be the best thing that ever happened to Kens chances and while your at it think long and hard about why you want to be involved in politics because wanting adoration is NOT a goos enough motivation. You are only clogging up the system and putting people off who might really be useful.
StevoKingoftheNewts
Comment No. 704087 July 17 13:42 GBR Mike Read.
Is this serious? This is someone having a joke no?
englandismdotcom
Comment No. 704093 July 17 13:44 GBR I propose cabinet of philosopher kings or octogenarian DJs to run our capital.
Simon Bates is a must for his sheer conviction and gravitas and his booming tones could ring out throughout the tube network, accompanied by the My Tune theme, exhorting the proles to work harder and achieve Stakanovian quotas. The Hairy Cornflake would be a shoe in for Rasputin.
As head of the London Militia we could have David Kid Jensen in a small tank taking on the kids on the street down with the kids in the hood and catching truants for Bruno Brookes' re-education program.
BJ For the Mayor! Ken for Barbie!
I'm backing Boris.
golfsale
Comment No. 704097 July 17 13:46 GBR "I've decided not to stand"
Did your realise your record was awful?
Tupper
Comment No. 704103 July 17 13:47 GBR Pardon me for asking, but does Mike actually have a job these days? Y'know...what does he DO?
donge
Comment No. 704105 July 17 13:48 GBR Bromley, neither am I I've been a Mayor, got a nice medal though had to give back the limosine though. Mr Read you don't look the part. weren't you a comedian, still are.
talktothehand
Comment No. 704106 July 17 13:48 GBR I am assuming that this is a joke. I hope it is at our expense rather than some nasty person encouraging the real Mike Read to pen an article so we can all laugh at him. He has been a figure of fun for more than 15 years. Surely he hasn't been lured back into the limelight of ridicule.
"Scrap the congestion charge and put the life back into London trading". Hmmmmm. The largest year on year growth in Oxford street trading last year was the day they pedestrianised the whole street. Interesting, no?
And as for trying to portray Ken as anti-Olympics. I mean. Really. For all the man's faults.
tetradite
Comment No. 704108 July 17 13:49 GBR Strange how little (i.e next to nothing) is said here about why anyone should support Boris. The whole piece is "I support Boris, and I'd like to see him do x,y and z in and for London".
It seems a little like you desperately wanted to write what you would have done if (hahahaha) you ever were elected mayor, and have used the recent publicity surrounding Boris to do so. Nowhere are the two ideas linked (i.e I want to see this happen, and Boris is most likely to carry it out).
This isn't even a true statement of support for Boris Johnson, it is simply an ego stroke for the author.
deepblue
Comment No. 704115 July 17 13:52 FRA "I'm Backing Boris" ... and then YOUR programme for London.
(Most of them outside the mayor's control anyway, in case you hadn't noticed. Some politician you'd be).
But who says this is Boris's programme for London?
TheFox
Comment No. 704120 July 17 13:54 POL Mike.
When I was ... oh, yay high, you used to host a Radio 1 show from 6.30 p.m. to 8.30 p.m. and then hand over to the mighty John Peel. Except you rarely finished at 8.30, it was usually 8.32 or 8.33 p.m. - in other words, you stole precious airtime off the greatest DJ who ever lived. I've never forgiven you for it. And your impression of the great man which you sometimes used to 'treat' the listeners to was absolutely awful too. I know this has nothing to do with the London mayoral race, but I just wanted to get it off my chest after all these years. Thank you.
AllyF
Comment No. 704119 July 17 13:54 GBR "making sure that rapists, murderers and paedophiles have no place, and never will, on the streets of London, and will not threaten civilised society."
Hear, hear.
I would vote for any candidate who promised to make rape, murder and paedophilia criminal offences.
Priceless.
themanwithnoname
Comment No. 704127 July 17 13:56 GBR You were talked out of standing for mayor, when was that Mike? Most of us thought you were dead, from the neck up that is.
brianwilsonisgod
Comment No. 704133 July 17 14:00 GBR Deleted by CiF moderator.
Scandaliser
Comment No. 704135 July 17 14:01 GBR Wow, I didn't really take Boris seriously at first but now heavyweights like Mke Read are getting behind him, I'm thinking again.
SuperClive
Comment No. 704150 July 17 14:07 GBR So where's the pro-Boris gang on this thread, then? Or have they all gone for a drive around Notting Hill in their 4x4s, remembering to double-park outside a few schools, to hide from Read's old tosh.
I'm definitely looking forward to Smashy and Toffy for the election!
rolleyes
Comment No. 704153 July 17 14:09 GBR Hail Spode!
Grinch
Comment No. 704160 July 17 14:13 GBR RE Ken saying he'll be bored out of his mind by the Olympics. Cheap shot, Mr Read, cheap shot. Although, at least you had the decency to provide a link so we can all see just how out-of-context you are quoting him.
RE the race for London Mayor, does anyone notice a similarity between the former shadow Higher Education minister who has just announced his candidacy and a previous candidate for the office during the first race? They're both white-haired, both bumbling, likeable and slightly shambolic, and both parachuted in at the absolute last minute by desperate party leaders.
Yes, that's right folks, Bozza = the New Dobbo.
notmelphilips
Comment No. 704169 July 17 14:15 GBR Risible article, but worth it for the excellent posts it has generated.
I fear (or perhaps hope) that the subtext of the piece was a pitch by Read for the job of "a London laureate to extol the virtues of the city in song and verse". I think it's fair to say that that would bring the tourists flooding in. Not to London, of course.
ThurrockHunt
Comment No. 704177 July 17 14:19 GBR 'My Creed' by Mike Read?
hankwilliams
Comment No. 704179 July 17 14:19 GBR "Mike Read, Mike Read 275 and completely off his trolley"!
sentience
Comment No. 704186 July 17 14:21 GBR How much did the Guardian pay Mike for this article? did he donate the fee to chariddee?
GydaGwen
Comment No. 704195 July 17 14:25 deepblue: quite.. I think the bulk of this article was written when Mike Read intended to stand, giving his own views and policies to (cough) win over the voters. Then when Boris turned up, Read realised he couldn't compete with a proper politician, and the piece was hastily topped and tailed with Boris-suporting noises.
Benulek
Comment No. 704197 July 17 14:25 POL 'Let's train traffic wardens to exercise common sense and reward Londoners who work hard, rather than hitting them with constant stealth taxes.'
What awfully clever traffic wardens you have in London! They can tell who has been working hard just by looking at their cars! And they all have second jobs as Treasury advisers.
InternetFact
Comment No. 704201 July 17 14:25 GBR Thanks for that Mike!
Coming up next week: Chris Moyles and Scott Mills discuss whether there is a viable two-state solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict, and Jo Whiley writes about why she thinks green apples are tastier than red ones.
JamesRR
Comment No. 704208 July 17 14:28 GBR Ha ha! This is the funniest article I've read in a long time! Seriously, Mike that has to be one of the most pathetic 'political' articles I've read - the idea that you even considered running for political office is laughable.
You're a washed up old has-been who even at the time was a crap DJ. The fact that you banned Frankie Goes to Hollywood's 'Relax' from your show underlines what a loser you are.
The arguments you put forward read like a comedian's dream. Did you seriously write this Mike?
I'm sure Ken will get no sleep at night now that he knows political heavyweights like you are backing Boris!
I thought it highly amusing that Boris even thought about running for office, but the fact that you're endorsing him is just downright funny! This is going to be the most gaffe-prone, ludicrously funny political campaign in modern British history and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.
Don't give up the day job Mike (if you even have one!).
Baggy
Comment No. 704209 July 17 14:29 GBR Come to think of it, one of the most eye opening lines in all of this is the fact that this numpty's spoken at the last THREE tory party conferences. Whatever you think of their policies (not much, it would appear) what sort of party would allow such a buffoon anywhere near a podium? Eh? Oh.
HarperSmythe
Comment No. 704217 July 17 14:33 I'd like to thank all the posters on this thread for giving me the most entertaining read on any blog I've seen in months.
From A New Yorker
remedymalahide
Comment No. 704222 July 17 14:35 GBR Abolition of the congestion charge, extra parking, the downgrading of bus lanes...
And allegedly by someone who wants 'to get traffic moving'.
Asides from the fact that the proposals are more the rantings of a disgruntled driver than policies for running a great and complex city, the author exhibits precious little logic.
Getting the traffic moving by making it easier to drive is a little like reducing heart disease by enriching the nation's diet with lard.
Catch22
Comment No. 704225 July 17 14:36 GBR I say John Peel for mayor!
claphamleft
Comment No. 704231 July 17 14:39 GBR Fill in the missing words
With friends like Mike Read .....?
"That said I'm happy to support Boris in any way necessary and have discussed the mayoral situation with his charming father, Stanley."
Good for you!!
And what, precisely, is a 'mayoral situation'?
Almost as entertaining as Polly T's vitriol this morning
SmallBrownFenian
Comment No. 704241 July 17 14:42 GBR Just pick the next 3 people who walk past you, when next in London. The chances are they'd be more in touch with reality & have more credibility than Boris!
RichieRemote
Comment No. 704246 July 17 14:43 GBR Like Belfastpete, I reckon this has to have been written by Craig Brown. I looked for the 'as told to..' byline, but couldn't find it anywhere. But this piece simply cannot be in earnest. All the p*ss-taking trademarks are there (like the beautifully-wrought line about 'gangs, or 'crews' as they prefer to be known'). This is one of Brown's best.
brianwilsonisgod
Comment No. 704259 July 17 14:47 GBR "Deleted by CiF moderator."
Oh come on, I put an asterisk in it! How do you know I didn't mean 'what a cant' - as in 'insincere, esp. conventional expressions of enthusiasm for high ideals, goodness, or piety'....?
peh75
Comment No. 704260 July 17 14:47 GBR I'm truly lost for words. What a breath-takingly ignorant and also amusingly random set of thoughts. Is this all a cunning ploy to make Boris look like he actually has a clue by juxtaposing him with someone who so obviously doesn't?
GreenLake
Comment No. 704266 July 17 14:50 USA Poptastic, mate.
drbendyspoogun
Comment No. 704275 July 17 14:54 GBR Dear moderator, what was so offensive about my comment???? It wasn't really personal............
dominijk
Comment No. 704278 July 17 14:54 GBR Is this genuine, surely not.
lennorthfield
Comment No. 704288 July 17 14:57 BEL Check the profile:
Mike has just finished an album collaborating with many literary greats including Shelley, Byron, Kipling, Auden, Shakespeare, Dylan Thomas, Tennyson and Wordsworth.
What? Are you a medium as well?
BellEndBush
Comment No. 704293 July 17 15:00 GBR "making sure that rapists, murderers and paedophiles have no place, and never will, on the streets of London, and will not threaten civilised society"
Gosh, and there was I looking for a candidate who opposed this!
Read, you were a horses arse 25 years ago and nothing has changed. And for the love of all things holy change that f*cking hairstyle.
Benulek
Comment No. 704298 July 17 15:02 POL RichieRemote- there is an even greater line:
'Build extensive underground car parks. Put all car parking underground. I've discussed this with major developers and it's feasible.'
It's not the idea- if he'd just written the first sentence it would look perfectly sensible. It's the repetition in the second one that does it- the man sounds positively manic.
'Build extensive underground car parks. Put all car parking underground. Build a multi-storey car park that stretches down to the upper mantle! I've talked this one through with Isambard Kingdom Brunel and he says it's a flyer!'
Benulek
Comment No. 704312 July 17 15:07 POL RichieRemote- there is an even greater line:
'Build extensive underground car parks. Put all car parking underground. I've discussed this with major developers and it's feasible.'
It's not the idea- if he'd just written the first sentence it would look perfectly sensible. It's the repetition in the second one that does it- the man sounds positively manic.
'Build extensive underground car parks. Put all car parking underground. Build a multi-storey car park that stretches down to the upper mantle! I've talked this one through with Isambard Kingdom Brunel and he says it's a flyer!'
jemscott2
Comment No. 704313 July 17 15:07 GBR Marvellous posts, people, marvellous posts. Best stuff I've seen in ages, and there isn't really a lot left to add that won't been put better above. Just one thing, perhaps: REMEMBER - THIS IS THAT THE TORIES ARE REALLY LIKE...
LemonGrass
Comment No. 704319 July 17 15:08 IRL What HarperSmythe said
donge
Comment No. 704334 July 17 15:13 GBR brianwil, drbendy, what did you print?? I never get posts removed and I print some right old twaddle!i'm in good company, Lord Sumer, Englandis, waltz,scareycornflake, Max hastings,bobdoney.greenlake, he's an Apache or something, has feathers in his hair.
BifidusDigestivum
Comment No. 704340 July 17 15:14 GBR DLT for PM!
jeremyjames
Comment No. 704342 July 17 15:14 FRA
My, my, what a day.
In the morning, Polly Toynbee wins the election for Boris Johnson and in the afternoon Mike Reid (who he?) instantly loses it again.
Who says the Guardian doesn't do irony?
notmelphilips
Comment No. 704345 July 17 15:15 GBR Having more time on my hands than is good for me, I looked at Ready's profile which reveals this gem:
"Mike has just finished an album collaborating with many literary greats including Shelley, Byron, Kipling, Auden, Shakespeare, Dylan Thomas, Tennyson and Wordsworth."
Apart from the apparent implication that he considers himself to be on all fours with these literary greats (Mike's "crew", as I believe the young people say), it seems just slightly grandiose to claim 'collaboration' given that, being dead, they didn't have too much choice in the matter.
wddr
Comment No. 704349 July 17 15:16 FIN Mike - you remember all those times that people were laughing with you...? Er, at you, I'm afraid. Still, thanks for starting one of the funniest threads on CIF for a long time. My favourite policy is "running the tubes until 2am, at least at the weekends, must be an option. Late night traveller safety for the likes of nurses... would become a priority." Yeah, because nurses who work weekends should be a top priority. F**k em if they work during the week though.
AllyF
Comment No. 704357 July 17 15:20 GBR Can we have an article in support of Ken by the other Mike Reid... him off Eastenders.
"[sniff] Gorblimey Pat me ol' darlin' trouble an' strife, wot 'ave you done to me Pat? I'm gonna 'ave to vote Ken now [sniff]"
Wolfieman
Comment No. 704372 July 17 15:24 GBR Pure Partridge. I'd like to know what DLT's views are as well though, just for political balance like.
scrap
Comment No. 704375 July 17 15:25 GBR The other day, I parked on a yellow line "just for a few minutes" to pop into a shop and support my equally hard-working trader friend. Outrageously, I returned to my car to find I'd been given a ticket. How much better it would have been if I'd been rewarded by the traffic warden instead? Perhaps with a cash prize?
However, given the state of my car (not a shiny Bentley, or even a 4x4, but an old hatchback I'm ashamed to say), the warden might not consider me hard-working enough. :(
Naco
Comment No. 704377 July 17 15:26 GBR Imagine this even if its sad...'another terrorist attack on the London Underground'.....now Boris Johnson has to give a well balanced, strong and reassuring speech.Now can you imagine that?
This angers me;a traversty, a blatant insult to our intelligence, and if the Tory actually think joking baffoon is what they have to offer the most important city in the world, then I have lost what ever little respect I had for them.
ianiles
Comment No. 704385 July 17 15:28 GBR BellEndBush "And for the love of all things holy change that f*cking hairstyle."
Style? You are joking, right?
I'd imagine that brianwilsonisgod's deleted post summed Mike Read up quite nicely.
Hey Mike! Guess what? You've united CiF posters in a way not seen on this site ever before. Maybe you should have run for mayor
MKone
Comment No. 704399 July 17 15:31 GBR My God, are the comments here representative of the average Guardian reader? I sincerely hope not! I don't think I have ever read as much uninformed, ill-mannered, ignorant rubbish as the responses to Mike Read's article. Mike Read has come up with some fine ideas to undo the damage wrought by seven years of the most embarrassing and disgraceful politician of the modern age (well, second, after George Galloway) and all that has been written in reply is bile and nonsense.
Good on you for taking the time to think of some answers to London's problems Mike, and good luck supporting Boris. Londoners certainly need some new ideas and someone, ANYONE, other than Ken.
Flappy
Comment No. 704400 July 17 15:32 IRL Smells like Chris Morris to me....
daddysgonecrazy
Comment No. 704417 July 17 15:36 GBR Deleted by CIF moderator.
drbendyspoogun
Comment No. 704418 July 17 15:37 GBR MKONE, Just because your married to the idiot doesn't mean you have to embarrass yourself, Mike can fight his own battles, just think 'bush tucker trial.'
brianwilsonisgod
Comment No. 704420 July 17 15:37 GBR donge: In answer to your question on what I said to get myself censured - I summed up my opinion of Mike Read in one four-letter word which I felt encapsulated him perfectly. But apparently the moderators do not reward hard-working folk for brevity on this forum. Perhaps they're traffic wardens in their spare time (just kidding guys, I love you really)...
malcolmwilliamson
Comment No. 704422 July 17 15:37 GBR Since when have the views of a DJ on politics been considered important. I stopped listening to Mike Read doing his proper job years ago. I trust he hasn't been paid a celebrity salary for his thoughts.
JamesRR
Comment No. 704426 July 17 15:39 GBR Come now Mike, don't call yourself 'MKone' and try and post a positive response on here! We all know it's you! That's because nobody in their right mind could possibly read your article and not crack up at the sheer lunacy of what you're saying.
What's the campaign slogan going to be pop-pickers?
"B-b-b-b-b-b-Boris, you just ain't seen n-n-n-n-n-nothin' yet..."
Dylanski
Comment No. 704427 July 17 15:39 GBR My personal favourite "Broken parking meters should be free until mended"
Genius. Why pay for parking when you can simply kick in the nearest parking meter.
Catch22
Comment No. 704429 July 17 15:40 GBR Dear Mike
How is this: "With work and leisure patterns changing, Londoners are keeping later hours than ever before so running the tubes until 2am, at least at the weekends, must be an option."
Going to actually help working people? I know, I know you said that people's working patterns are changing but still I think most people who work until 2am do it during the week, Monday to Friday, so fat lot of good running it until 2am on the weekends would be. Plus surely most of the people keeping these ridiclulous hours are city bankers who can afford a taxi anyhoo.
Why don't you just be honest and say that people would like the tubes to run until 2am on weekends because they would like to get the tube home after a night on the lash instead of having to get a vomit stinking, misogynist infested night bus. You would have scored more points with that one.
As for tubes running until 2am helping the working class, what about those that would have to run it? And the longer shifts for the police that would have to be at every station?
Ah, yes you're beginning to see that you haven't really thought these policies [if you can call them that] through aren't you.
Joined up thinking Mike, joined up thinking.
RichieRemote
Comment No. 704433 July 17 15:42 GBR benulek: You're right, 'I've discussed it with developers and it's feasible' is a brilliantly bathetic touch. claphamleft points to the bizarre phrase 'mayoral situation' as well. And I've just spotted another gem: 'I have the blueprint set up and ready to go for an online newspaper with every word about London, written by Londoners or by people visiting the capital.' 'Every word about London' is a good one, but the weak ending - 'or by people visiting the capital' - is even better. God, this really does read as parody.
claphamleft
Comment No. 704438 July 17 15:45 GBR Have a look at Mike's profile - presumably written by himself - even funnier than the article
Apparently, he's just finished collaborating on a new album - with a load of dead people!
And that hairdo - I swear it knocks 10 years off him!
belfastpete
Comment No. 704440 July 17 15:45 GBR "Genius. Why pay for parking when you can simply kick in the nearest parking meter."
Nice idea, make a note Lynne.
As Alan Partridge would say...
friendsreunited
Comment No. 704452 July 17 15:48 AUS Mike, you'll be sad too see the usual losers, who've achieved not one fraction that you have with their pitiful lives, take exception to your fine article. I always enjoyed your Radio 1 show, and as fellow spectacles wearer I view you as something of a role model.
I particularly liked your fine idea of getting young gang members involved in modern interpretive dance. Donning a single piece leotard and making expressive shapes to Kate Bush songs is what got me off heroin, so good stuff.
All in all Mike I'm sure you'd have made a brilliant mayor and I'm sure Boris will be happy to know that he has your endorsement.
mrh2
Comment No. 704458 July 17 15:49 GBR "I have the blueprint set up and ready to go for an online newspaper with every word about London, written by Londoners or by people visiting the capital. It goes without saying that there are, of course, countless issues not discussed in this limited space!"
Sorry Mike but I beat you to it 8 years ago:
martinusher
Comment No. 704461 July 17 15:50 USA You're just trying to keep him out of national politics....
Boris is a maverick, a potential embarrassment because he doesn't always keep his mouth shut and follow the party line (possibly because he has a conscience and/or half a brain, something I've tended to regard as a bit of an anomaly in Conservative MPs). What better place to get rid of him? He won't reverse the Conservative policies that have dominated NuLab thinking (much of which you talk about in the article pre-dates NuLab) but he'll be out of Parliament.
Boris. Use some common sense....I don't think London is ready for a Conservative mayor yet. They just want your ultra-safe seat for some neocon robot. Let them put some other sucker up for a candidate and stay where you can do some good.
AC89
Comment No. 704466 July 17 15:52 USA Some of Reads ideas sound good, others not so good, including scraping the congestion charge and building more car parks. If we want to tackle the climate change problem we shouldn't be making it easier for people to drive in the city. There's no reason not to take public transit. NYC's mayor is proposing a congestion charge for parts of Manhatten too and I hope he is successful.
notmelphilips
Comment No. 704468 July 17 15:53 GBR Just when I thought that for perhaps the first time ever there was going to be a cif thread with complete unanimity (not to mention all round amusement), up pops MKone. Shame on you.
Still, I can't recall anyone getting such a good all round kicking as the hapless Read.
wddr
Comment No. 704478 July 17 15:55 FIN @AllyF; "Can we have an article in support of Ken by the other Mike Reid... him off Eastenders."
Be careful what you wish for. I have it on good authority that 'the other Mike Reid' has been approached by "many influential AND political figures" from the Stop the War Coalition. As we speak he is putting the finishing touches to his policy of training hard working traffic wardens to fix broken parking meters at 2AM in the morning, at least at the weekends, and rewarding them with electric cars which are can drive in bus lanes.
smallhog
Comment No. 704485 July 17 15:59 GBR Why on earth has Mike Read even been given the space for his views? He is a total nonentity - I despair....
scrap
Comment No. 704487 July 17 15:59 GBR notmelphilips,
We were begging for more... MKone was the encore. Brilliant!
Mangog
Comment No. 704498 July 17 16:03 GBR Is this bloke Nicey or Smashey?
Haigin88
Comment No. 704501 July 17 16:03 GBR "I've had discussions with the Football Association..."
A-ha! We've finally found an argument against the sacking Second Choice Steve. Be careful what you wish for, people!
Mangog
Comment No. 704513 July 17 16:07 GBR 'I've spoken to lots of young kids in gangs or "crews" as they prefer to be known and most want to get out of a way of life that gives them nothing. Get in there ... understand their problems and give them access to sporting facilities and the chance to make music, act, dance and write. Get them integrated into society and to realise its value.'
Agreed. I'm down wit' the homeys and their "crews" myself. Let's just reduce all black kids to performing artists. That'll integrate 'em.
Wanker.
LibertyCentral
Comment No. 704524 July 17 16:09 GBR Just one tip, Mike...
If you are going to quote something out of context in order to slate a political opponent then it tends not to be a good idea to link the original article and make it easy for everyone to see what was actually said, as in...
"Mr Livingstone said he was for the Games because of the money and jobs will bring in to London, but added that the event itself does not excite him.
He said: "I have no interest in sport. I'll be bored out of my skull. But I did the Olympics for the regeneration of East London."
So Ken's not a sports fan and honest enough to admit it, that's hardly being negative, especially when as Mayor he choose to look at the economic and related positives for London and value the Olympics for that.
DaveCa
Comment No. 704531 July 17 16:12 GBR "Seeing a chance to make a real difference to a great city I thought it would be refreshing to go down a "people not politics" route..."
Once you've read a comment from a party member, contemplating standing in an election for a particular party, talking about "people not politics" you know you are in the presence of a fool.
Mangog
Comment No. 704547 July 17 16:18 GBR MIKE READ
MIKE READ
275 AND 285
MIKE READ
MIKE READ
275 AND 285
NATIONAL RADIO ONE!
God, that brings back memories of not wanting to go to school. Those urban dance classes were a right pain!
I'm about to pi55 my self here!
misharialadwani
Comment No. 704562 July 17 16:23 GBR MKone-you're right,mate..Mike Read is and always has been one of Britain's most radical,poptastic thinkers.." Ah wanna dedicate this liddle number to a Tom Hobbes, a grade guy,a fab mover an mah canditate for Lunnun Mayor..it's a grade fren of mine Mr.,hahahah,I should say,Sir..Eldon John doing his evergreen favourite,"Sadderday Nide's Awride For Voting." Thanks,Mike..hilarious...I dream of the Guardian giving us Paris Hilton's take on the Maastricht Treaty...
themanwithnoname
Comment No. 704566 July 17 16:24 GBR MKone, are you serious?
You've just endorsed the manifesto of an idiot.
GaryBaldy
Comment No. 704567 July 17 16:24 GBR I think it's shameful that Ken would stoop to getting this spoof blogpost written to discredit his rival. Particularly when Boris didn't have a cat's chance anyway. Shame on you Ken. I for one will be voting for Berezovsky who at least values London.
BellEndBush
Comment No. 704568 July 17 16:24 GBR "I've spoken to lots of young kids in gangs or "crews" as they prefer to be known"
Blimey, it's like watching your father trying to dance at a wedding.
Mikey, the funniest thread ever, cheers, and what makes it even funnier is that you're actually serious.
rolleyes
Comment No. 704574 July 17 16:26 GBR "have the blueprint set up and ready to go for an online newspaper with every word about London, written by Londoners"
Trouble is it would be almost indistinguishable from the so-called nationals anyway...
cpople
Comment No. 704581 July 17 16:27 GBR I would just like to thank all the posters on this thread for making my week. It's comments like these in response to such an ignorant, deluded rant that restore your faith in humanity.
JamesRR
Comment No. 704583 July 17 16:28 GBR Mike, is that a shih-tzu sitting on your head?
I'd hate to be you right now. For Christ's sake man, get a grip.
sergeantfox
Comment No. 704589 July 17 16:30 GBR naco:
"This angers me;a traversty, a blatant insult to our intelligence, and if the Tory actually think joking baffoon is what they have to offer the most important city in the world, then I have lost what ever little respect I had for them."
Actually, if the majority of London voters share your opinion of the city, Boris would be the ideal candidate to reflect them, in most non-Londoners' eyes.
However, I'll credit the prisoners of the M25 with being a little more sensible...
Catch22
Comment No. 704592 July 17 16:31 GBR MKone is MarkGreeon0!
KevTheRev
Comment No. 704593 July 17 16:31 USA "Due to confusion and uncertainty, bus lanes are often empty"
What, you mean the confusing big blue signs with times displayed on them? Yeah, I can see how that can lead to uncertainty.
If that's enough to confuse you, then you really shouldn't be driving.
downsman
Comment No. 704594 July 17 16:31 GBR What a feast this piece is. What a veritable smorgasbord of hilarious 'down with the crew', 'people not politics' self-deception. Worthy of Falstaff himself - "I know thee not, old man". The best laugh on CIF since it started. More please.
Terracewhiner
Comment No. 704609 July 17 16:37 USA Who is it on the Guardian who decided to print this claptrap? We must be told. It's frightening to think that he, she or it is still working there.
It is the same with Boris. Who in there right mind put him in as an MP?
Mike Read is Mike Read and Boris is Boris, but what are the rest of us doing listening to these two brain dead yahoos?
andrewthomas100
Comment No. 704616 July 17 16:38 GBR Possibly the worst, brain dead comments ever seen on Cif.
Did you actually read what Mike Read suggested? Giving kids more access to sport and music integrating them into society, a police officer on every tube entrance, underground car parks, it seemed very reasonable. Whhere were your responses? Or do you just prefer to make juvenile personal insults?
Biggest load of crap comments ever posted in the history of CiF.
jonthemilk
Comment No. 704621 July 17 16:40 GBR I used to like you as a Radio One Jock.
What happened?
Another waste of space, check out the diatribe for any recognition of climate change, Mike Read, you have turned into a pillarstone of self-interest.
Trilobyte
Comment No. 704627 July 17 16:41 GBR "I've spoken to lots of young kids in gangs or "crews" as they prefer to be known....."
Christ.
This is the man who is so down with the kidz that as a Radio One DJ he unilaterally refused to play one of (if not *the* )best and most popular pop songs of the decade because it had the word "come" in it....Does he believe that his statement above goes anyway to convincing people that he is in touch with what young people want?
I did like Pop Quiz though.
jonthemilk
Comment No. 704629 July 17 16:42 GBR I used to like you as a Radio One Jock.
What happened?
Another waste of space, check out the diatribe for any recognition of climate change, Mike Read, you have turned into a pillarstone of self-interest.
Weigy
Comment No. 704635 July 17 16:44 BEL This is from a man that used to speak to a talking crow, called "Crow". Maybe Boris could take a leaf out of MR's book and have a campaign glove puppet?
Bring back Gordon the Gopher, Ed the Duck or Otis the Aardvark out of needless retirement. Give the tuck-shop scoffing, Eton hairball what he deserves.
Anduin
Comment No. 704640 July 17 16:45 GBR Mike Read gets invited to speak at Tory conferences because I suspect some Tories think that he Has His Pulse On What Young People Think. I truly suspect that they think he's cool, if they knew what cool meant of course.
scrap
Comment No. 704648 July 17 16:47 GBR Andrewthomas100,
Woo-hoo, thanks for the endorsement. "Biggest load of crap in the history of Cif", eh? Brings a tear to my eye already... in years to come, I'll be able to tell the grandchildren - I was there.
VanDusen
Comment No. 704650 July 17 16:48 GBR Mike - has Smiley Miley pulled out as well or is it just you?
managia
Comment No. 704652 July 17 16:49 ITA I feel a little sorry for the guy now. That Saturday morning TV show seemed quite good to me (when I was very young and had no critical faculties).
But, as Wolfieman said, this is pure Patridge.
In fact, if you read it back, but in a Partridge voice, with Partridge-style delivery, you will laugh for a thousand years.
FlyingDodo
Comment No. 704666 July 17 16:55 GBR "it would be refreshing to go down a "people not politics" route and have spent a great deal of time at Westminster over the last six months"
- Right, PEOPLE not politics being defined here how?
"It's essential for Boris to be much, much tougher on the persistently antisocial, making sure that rapists, murderers and paedophiles have no place, and never will, on the streets of London, and will not threaten civilised society"
- London, of course, being the one place on earth that currently promotes these people being on the streets? Or is he suggesting that it would be fine for them to be in Leeds, just not in our capital?
"Build extensive underground car parks. Put all car parking underground. I've discussed this with major developers and it's feasible"
- Really? ALL car parking in London? Who are these major developers? Do they own Metronet?
Mike, have you actually looked at the powers of the Mayor of London? I can't actually type a response to your traffic warden suggestion, due to the tears of mirth obscuring my view (inability to touch type, sorry).
As other posters have noted, it seems that you changed the headline of your blog from "Why I am running for London Mayor (because some Tories jokingly asked me to and I didn't get the ironic subtext)" to "Why I am supporting Boris ((because some Tories jokingly asked me to and I didn't get the ironic subtext)."
TheScaryCornflake
Comment No. 704667 July 17 16:55 GBR Hey Donge!
In 'real life', as its laughably called, Pat Butcher goes out with TV newsreader Moira Stewart.
a fact that needs no punchline.
whateverandever
Comment No. 704671 July 17 16:57 GBR @wattapalava
HEAR HEAR!
GreenLake
Comment No. 704672 July 17 16:57 USA "I'm backing Boris."
Does Cliff know?
Ste67
Comment No. 704683 July 17 17:03 GBR I would like to announce that I will not be standing for Mayor of London either.
friendsreunited
Comment No. 704684 July 17 17:03 AUS jonthemilk- didn't Mike co-host Swap Shop with the great Noel Edmonds? Or am I mistaken? Anyway fantastic memories, I still recall the time I rang in to offload my old Karplunk game for a David Cassidy album. Early precursor to E-bay, so I understand.
downsman- you misunderstand Mike's intentions. This is a classic piece of post-post modernism. He intentionally rejects irony and insight as beneath him and embraces his crapness. By doing this he has moved beyond the dominate ethos of our age. He is soaring above us, like a mighty golden angel. Never mind Mikee for mayor, Mike Read for PM. You heard it here first.
Dennis1832
Comment No. 704689 July 17 17:04 GBR "Enthusing that 'it's all such fun'" whilst competing to hurl abuse at someone is just not pleasant.
I think MKone's real point was that he/she hoped that the average Guardian reader was not as ill-mannered and ignorant as most of the commentators appeared to be. I'm afraid, they are, and if you spend any time reading these columns you'll be trawling through streams of hate-filled venom. The usual response to a conservative view point is one of anger, often mixed with a suggestion that they ought to go back to the Daily Mail.
Nevertheless, at all times the Guardianista will display an unshakeable belief in his/her moral superiority and exude extreme smugness. All this hatred will be combined with the view that the left alone is reasonable.
The response to this is more like a pack of playground bullies than anything to be admired.
But many people decide it is fair game to insult some category of people or another. For some it is blacks. For some it is gays. For the average Guardianista it is anyone who disagrees with you.
There is enough to take issue with in Mr Read's article without personalising matters at all. Kindly play the man and not the ball.
drbendyspoogun
Comment No. 704715 July 17 17:14 GBR If the Andrew Thomas above is who i think it is, (are you a Shrewsbury Town fan?) then he too is a humorless Tory git.
BellEndBush
Comment No. 704718 July 17 17:14 GBR "Nevertheless, at all times the Guardianista will display an unshakeable belief in his/her moral superiority and exude extreme smugness. All this hatred will be combined with the view that the left alone is reasonable.
The response to this is more like a pack of playground bullies than anything to be admired."
Ah, nice to see the NHS are still doing humour by-passes.
muslimicity
Comment No. 704721 July 17 17:15 GBR Sorry guys, but neither will I be standing for mayor of london.
I could give a list of reasons why but I don't want to sound like a desperate tory who wants some attention.
Love
Faisal
Bluestringer
Comment No. 704722 July 17 17:15 GBR Silly pompous arse.
Not changed a bit since he decided to ban Relax from the airwaves to protect the liddle chilrun.
Never mind electric-power cars, Mike. I expect your car is powered entirely by your own self-righteousness.
Trilobyte
Comment No. 704724 July 17 17:16 GBR @Dennis1832 We are playing the man and not the ball-make your mind up man! To be fair I think there is plenty of critial comment about MR's laughable policy ideas in amongst the comments about his hair and Cliff Richard, if you look hard enough.
@The Scary Cornflake Is that true? Really really truly true, as my 5 year old daughter would say?
paulhs
Comment No. 704726 July 17 17:17
"Mike Read gets invited to speak at Tory conferences because I suspect some Tories think that he Has His Pulse On What Young People Think"
I think, sadly this probably isn't too far off the mark, although maybe the first time was in 1981, and the second time 1984. Maybe he still has business cards printed with "Celebrity DJ" written on them. It doesn't say in the profile (which is funnier than the article).
Alternatively maybe they think he is the Eastenders actor. I think the conversation went like this:
"OK, so we got the wrong Mike Read the last two times but this time his agent assures me that we really have got Frank Butcher this time"
DaveCa
Comment No. 704727 July 17 17:18 GBR andrewthomas100:
"Did you actually read what Mike Read suggested? Giving kids more access to sport and music integrating them into society, a police officer on every tube entrance, underground car parks, it seemed very reasonable. Whhere were your responses? Or do you just prefer to make juvenile personal insults?!"
Didn't you spot that these were the 'ideas' of a man not standing for election? When endorsing a candidate wouldn't it be better to support his manifesto, rather than sketch out your own manifesto - one that you won't be presenting?
Do I prefer making juvenile personal insults? Of course I do, when dealing with the juvenile ideas of a man far to old to merit paternal forbearance.
Love
Comment No. 704736 July 17 17:19 GBR 'As I've decided not to stand, I'm going to get behind the man who is. I'll be available, if needed, to help Boris raise London's spirit and profile and become London mayor.'
Don't hold your breath, or then again...
notmelphilips
Comment No. 704738 July 17 17:20 GBR Dennis1382: "Kindly play the man and not the ball."
Are you sure this is what you mean? If so, to compare Mike Read with a gonad is about the cruellest thing that has been said on this thread. Seriously - if necessary - the whole article is so riddled with self-delusion and self-satisfaction that there is no distinction between man and ball. Hence the tenor of the comments made.
Back to Read: "... many people in the party urging me forward". I have the feeling this often happens to him at parties, in the sense of 'go forward and multiply'.
deepblue
Comment No. 704751 July 17 17:23 FRA Thanks all - with two notable exceptions, if I remember correctly .
Best laugh I've had in ages.
timesnewroman
Comment No. 704753 July 17 17:24 GBR Who is Mike Read and why would anyone care what he thought, or wrote about?
legslikeaspider
Comment No. 704759 July 17 17:27 GBR Mike: you're a self important twit. I've never read a piece so lacking in self-deprecation or indeed self-awareness.
How's life at the 'BigL' anyway? Still losing your station's owners 20 grand a month?
Catch22
Comment No. 704761 July 17 17:28 GBR Dennis1832: "I think MKone's real point was that he/she hoped that the average Guardian reader was not as ill-mannered and ignorant as most of the commentators appeared to be. I'm afraid, they are, and if you spend any time reading these columns you'll be trawling through streams of hate-filled venom. The usual response to a conservative view point is one of anger, often mixed with a suggestion that they ought to go back to the Daily Mail."
Dennis, Dennis Thatcher is that really you? Have you too been collaborating with Mike Read from beyond the grave?
LesterJones
Comment No. 704766 July 17 17:29 SWE @Andrewthomas100 @MKone @Dennis1382
You three will be voting for Mike Reid then will you?
Dont let the fact he isnt standing get in the way.
(Thats three votes less for Boris then)
Who wouldnt want the backing of a delusional ex-DJ?
lansing
Comment No. 704769 July 17 17:32 GBR Will we Londoners all get free 'Tee-Hee' mugs ?
whathavetheydone
Comment No. 704774 July 17 17:35 GBR Possibly the best and funniest (ok, a bit harsh in places) set of CiF comments ever.
Thing is, I've worked with people who come up with shallow and daft ideas and then claim that unidentified people such as 'developers' are behind it. Of course they don't actually follow through, they just blame circumstances or other people for not being able to put their genius into practice. Following through would mean showing the world that they really are full of it.
Arblemarch
Comment No. 704777 July 17 17:36 USA 'Finally, in brief, explore more usage of the Thames'
Maybe we could throw you in it, Mike?
Kalumba
Comment No. 704779 July 17 17:38 GBR Mike Reid: do you have concrete well researched reasons for banning bendy buses and scrapping the congestion charge? If so include them here.
Or is it that your views come from pure instinctive prejudice and that you just dont like them?
JamesRR
Comment No. 704781 July 17 17:39 GBR Dennis1382 get a grip will you?
If anything, the comments made against Mike Read haven't been strong enough.
Not only has he committed gross crimes against the music industry and crimes against hair, he has single-handedly managed to write the most purile piece of crap ever to be produced for The Guardian newspaper.
Mike must have known what was in for after writing that article. Although saying that, given that he's such a self-important, big-headed, pompous old prude, he probably wouldn't.
LordLuvaduck
Comment No. 704790 July 17 17:42 FRA Well..
A momentous moment for London. Two great British intellects stand shoulder to shoulder. Mike Reid-Read is backing Boris.
What more is there to be said?
benmids
Comment No. 704795 July 17 17:45 GBR Oh my...I've never enjoyed a blog as much as this one....ever! My eyes rolled when I saw the pic of Mike 'relax..don't do it' Read. But then all was forgiven...have you ever read such vacuous, ill infomed stuff...it's like an answer to a gcse question!
He should be promoted to work for the UKIP...now the other ego Kilroy Silk is off the scene...
Pure comedy...thanks Mikey...hope I never get invited to your 'crew'!! Haha
Notgullible
Comment No. 704803 July 17 17:48 GBR Guardian readers are just showing their ignorance. Mike Read is not just a 'has-been' radio DJ as most assume. He also wrote and directed a West End musical called, Oscar Wilde: The Musical, which opened at the Shaw Theatre in 2004. True - it closed the following day after poor reviews (The Telegraph said it was "hard to feel anything other than incredulous contempt") but it illustrates that he can apply his talent to other areas besides politics.
And as for the Tory Conference, if Labour can have President Clinton and Nelson Mandella, why can't the Tories have Mike Read.
You Guardian readers need to stay in a bit more.
DrippingCopperPots
Comment No. 704816 July 17 17:52 GBR "Let's train traffic wardens to exercise common sense.."
There are training courses for exercising common sense now? Fantastic! You know, they really do think of everything in London. Probably why Mike felt he didn't have to prior to posting. Couldn't get his mind off them bendy buses I'll bet. Bless him, the silly old sausage...
HermanHesse
Comment No. 704819 July 17 17:52 It has a really gone down hill since Saturday Superstore hasn't it. Face it Read you are washed up and the 80's revival has pretty much ignored you. Voting for Boris ain't the going to make it all "COME" back.
Sp where next ? I suspect entertaining the eldery is just a care home away.
PS. Tosser is not a swear word. Read you are a Tory Tosser.
wddr
Comment No. 704830 July 17 17:59 FIN When asked to comment about The Smiths song 'Panic' (the one that goes "Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ..."), I remember Mike Read saying something along the lines of "well, Morrisey has obviously just washed his dinner jacket and is hanging it up to dry." The man is quite clearly a comic genius. You people should be ashamed of yourselves, mocking a person just because they have no idea what they're talking about, and a Shawaddywaddy haircut.
paulhs
Comment No. 704831 July 17 17:59
I just looked at the website for Big L, Mike's new employees. The website (http://www.bigl.co.uk/) says (I kid you not):
"Fed up with bland radio stations playing the same songs over and over again?"
Priceless.
2bapilgrim
Comment No. 704832 July 17 17:59 GBR Please oh please lets have more of this. I'm really looking forward to the Boris! campaign and a mounting crescendo of idiocy and pratfalls. The only problem is that Mike Read has started the process off at such a high level that it's hard to imagine where it goes to next. Sacha Baron Cohen would have difficulty inventing characters as stupid and opinionated as Mike Read and as arrogant and accident prone as Boris!
chiff67
Comment No. 704839 July 17 18:02 GBR (*snort*) ...that's the noise of me lauging into my sleeve at work...
Did any of you click the link to 'conservative conference'?? Look at the heading...
'A New Direction'....haha...I bet if the old prude knew he'd be talking about a 'nude erection' he'd not have come back for a third...
hmmm...and I was wondering why they can't get elected....
This is priceless...pure unadultarated comedy...I hope his ego takes a reality check...
(*snort!*)
GeorgeH
Comment No. 704840 July 17 18:02 GBR I think the guardian put this online to make Polly Toynebee's article on the same subject look stronger, no?
moook
Comment No. 704843 July 17 18:03 GBR Jesus wept
I hope the Guardian isn't paying for this self-important piffle.
cheesemeister
Comment No. 704846 July 17 18:04 GBR In a similar vein, I've decided not to put my name forward for the first test on Thursday.
Vencio
Comment No. 704847 July 17 18:04 GBR Hilarious!! FYI, here's what the BBC wrote in Jan 2007
DJ Read steps up Tory mayor bid
Ex-Radio 1 DJ Mike Read is stepping up his campaign to be the Conservative candidate for London mayor in 2008.
Mr Read said he was seeking financial backers after being assured by the party he would be taken seriously and not treated as a "lightweight".
The Tories were forced to extend their search for someone to take on Ken Livingstone in 2008 after being turned down by several well-known figures.
Radio presenter Nick Ferrari pulled out of the race last year.
Others thought to have turned the party down include Lord Coe and former Metropolitan police chief, Lord Stevens. Actor Tom Conti is still thought to be considering a bid for the nomination, which has been thrown open to non-party members in an effort to boost interest. Encouraged
Mr Read told the BBC News website he had been urged to consider standing by Tory activists after he made a speech at the party's annual conference.
He said he had also been very encouraged by a meeting with party chairman Francis Maude.
"I actually played my own devil's advocate. I told him I don't want to be perceived as a token, lightweight celebrity. "I left the door open for him to say 'don't do it, I think you would be too lightweight'."
But Mr Maude assured the broadcaster he would be taken seriously and that the party was looking for someone well-known to take on Labour's Mr Livingstone.
SeymourKlereley
Comment No. 704848 July 17 18:04 GBR Did you cross paths with that other champion of the people, Jim Davidson, at your conferences, Mike?
Glad you didn't waste your towering intellect with Labour get-togethers - they only had that uppity negro, Neslon Mandela.
Total knob.
GaryBaldy
Comment No. 704861 July 17 18:10 it gets better and better. there's a link to the "printable version". there's a printable version?
Catch22
Comment No. 704865 July 17 18:11 GBR Notgullible: "Guardian readers are just showing their ignorance. Mike Read is not just a 'has-been' radio DJ as most assume. He also wrote and directed a West End musical called, Oscar Wilde: The Musical, which opened at the Shaw Theatre in 2004. True - it closed the following day after poor reviews (The Telegraph said it was "hard to feel anything other than incredulous contempt") but it illustrates that he can apply his talent to other areas besides politics."
Yes how awful of us, we are so uncultured, as his profile tells us Mike has put 30 John Betjemans poems to music and had them sung by many top names.
In fact you'll find an album of them nominated for this year's mercury music prize, the Arctic Monkeys, Favourite Worst Nightmare.
Rilly
Comment No. 704870 July 17 18:13 GBR Mike, love the mayoral promotional merchandise idea. I know someone who can do you 50,000 'Frankie says choose Boris' t-shirts really cheap. Let me know what you think
nickproctor
Comment No. 704872 July 17 18:15 GBR Today, having given the matter considerable thought, I have decided to withdraw my bid to be elected Mayor of London and wish, instead, to give my support to the former-DJ and poet Mike Read in his bid not to be elected Mayor of London either. However, although I will no longer be seeking higher office, I would ask that the former-DJ and novelist, who has been similarly dissauded from testing the support of Metropolitan voters, to consider instead playing some records on the radio station Big L, where he can be found along with other DJs who are not seeking to be elected Mayor of London, like David Hamilton and Adrian Johns.
It is in this vein that I ask him, in all sincerity, to consider a request for my cousin Mary-Louise, whose birthday it will be on Thursday. She will be 46,is a particular fan of Duran Duran and remembers the former-DJ and Shelley collaborator from his days on Swap-Shop, or whatever the programme was that replaced the one with Noel Edmonds on it. Would it be possible for him to play Union of the Snake? Which reminds me - has Noel considered not-running for Mayor of London. Or Jimmy Saville, now that Jimmy is no longer running for Stoke Mandeville?
BrianGriffen
Comment No. 704874 July 17 18:15 GBR Well, if a monkey can become mayor of Hartlepool... no, Mike Read should definitely not become mayor of London.
Twanglow
Comment No. 704884 July 17 18:21 GBR Lordy. Read the profile, if anything it's even better.
LondonE2
Comment No. 704887 July 17 18:23 GBR Mike, you had no credibility even in your DJ days (as was brutally obvious even to an impressionable 12-year-old girl). The hubris-ridden belief that your endorsement will sway anyone in Boris's favour (rather than making him seem even more embarrassing) would be hilarious if it didn't expose the Guardian's descent into near-tabloid populism in publishing your column at all. As for Boris: he was in my year at Oxford and, if I recall correctly, couldn't operate the college washing machine without help. Enough said.
Tadlhe
Comment No. 704889 July 17 18:24 GBR LMAF
Flashingblade
Comment No. 704891 July 17 18:24 'It's essential for Boris to be much, much tougher on the persistently antisocial, making sure that rapists, murderers and paedophiles have no place, and never will, on the streets of London, and will not threaten civilised society.'
And you can tell who they are by what exactly? Their 'I'm a a rapist/murderer/paedophile' t-shirt? And the policeman at every tubest staion will do what eaxctly? Scare away every middle-eastern looking person with a ruck-sack? Come on Mike, there's a reason why this kind of populist bollocks spouted by the Tory party over 18 years in power was finally given the great FO.
Ieuan
Comment No. 704894 July 17 18:25 MAR jeremyjames said: "In the morning, Polly Toynbee wins the election for Boris Johnson and in the afternoon Mike Reid (who he?) instantly loses it again."
My feelings exactly.
"Who says the Guardian doesn't do irony?"
Not irony, I reckon that the Guardian crew got so spooked by the responses to PT's blog that they put this one up as black propaganda.
This has to be a joke, right?
JonnyB
Comment No. 704902 July 17 18:28 GBR Tsk! I am disappointed at the tone of this debate. Might I ask that people stop being immature and snipey and address the serious and weighty content of the article?
What stood out for me was:
>>"Create a London laureate to extol the virtues of the city in song and verse"
An excellent idea. It would need to be somebody who fancies themself as a songwriter and poet; somebody with an excellent track record in music - perhaps, for the sake of smoothing the way politically, somebody who has endorsed and supports one of the leading mayoral candidates...?
The thing is - I just CAN'T think of anybody who would fit this bill. Obviously many of the top contenders would be too modest to perhaps put themselves forward for the job.
Can anybody suggest a name?
Flashingblade
Comment No. 704904 July 17 18:28 'It's essential for Boris to be much, much tougher on the persistently antisocial, making sure that rapists, murderers and paedophiles have no place, and never will, on the streets of London, and will not threaten civilised society.'
And you can tell who they are by what exactly? Their 'I'm a a rapist/murderer/paedophile' t-shirt? And the policeman at every tube staion will do what eaxctly? Scare away every middle-eastern looking person with a ruck-sack? Keep an eye on that dodgy looking Big Issue seller? Come on Mike, there's a reason why this kind of bollocks - that was spouted incessantly by your Tory party during their 18 years in power - was finally given the great FO.
pastis
Comment No. 704906 July 17 18:28 FRA "Let's train Traffic wardens to.... reward people who work hard"
What did you have in mind Mike? A copy of Dollar's greatist hits? Front row sits at the kajagoogoo reunion concert?
Derivative
Comment No. 704912 July 17 18:30 GBR Oh I see, it's all a plug for the online newspaper that the lovely Mike Read has the 'blueprint' for.
Tragic really, if it wasn't so awe-inspiringly hilarious. Still, Johnson's hardly a credible candidate himself.
ReynardtheFox
Comment No. 704915 July 17 18:33 GBR Raise London's profile? Exactly how much higher does the profile of one the world's largest, most famous and richest cities which pretty much everyone on the planet has heard of and knows about with the possible exception of a few uncontacted tribes in the Paraguayan Gran Chaco, need to be raised? If he was standing for Mayor of Doncaster then maybe.
Or are we just repeating buzz phrases without really thinking about them?
pinktower
Comment No. 704916 July 17 18:33 CHN Mike played Happiness is a warm gun on his Capital Gold show once. I think he did it to show he is harder and cooler than you think. So there. And I remember when Freddie Mecury died he eulogised Queen by saying something like '5 number 2s and 2 number 1s, it doesn't get better than that.' (It gets alot better and so it doesn't do justice to Queen to quote those statistics.) But I digress. Nobody is going to bring back the beloved Routemasters. End of story. Neither would a mayor want to lose the cash made from the Congestion Charge. Fact. Tories always talk about cutting down on crime but they never actually have any idea how. Groundhog day. But underground car parks? I like it. You could finance it by scrapping the congestion charge.
notmelphilips
Comment No. 704924 July 17 18:38 GBR This really is an excellent thread - the best since the one about hidden political meanings in board games, but whereas that only attracted a few, but hilarious, posts, this one might reach the 1000 mark if we keep at it. I wonder if Mike Read will respond? Or better still, if CiF will give him a regular blog to add to the gaiety of the nation.
I nearly choked on my teacake at notgullible's excellent contribution: "He also wrote and directed a West End musical called, Oscar Wilde: The Musical, which opened at the Shaw Theatre in 2004. True - it closed the following day after poor reviews (The Telegraph said it was "hard to feel anything other than incredulous contempt") but it illustrates that he can apply his talent to other areas besides politics."
I'm not normally a fan of the Torygraph, but 'hard to feel anything but incredulous contempt' does indeed sum things up.
Ah well, time to go to some other threads for a bit of ill-tempered and witless jousting.
bill40
Comment No. 704939 July 17 18:48 GBR this is the best thread i have ever read. just a shame i had to read the drivel that preceded the hilarious posts. God i wish London had elected this dude as i believe London only exists for me to laugh at. still our Bozza will do the job just fine for me. As i always stress i live nowhere near the dump, I hate cockneys with a passion, cor blimey guv'ner and you know where you can stick your jellied eels.
Go Boris!
whathavetheydone
Comment No. 704944 July 17 18:52 GBR Never before have I actually bothered to read all the posts on CiF... but this is priceless... keep it up.
"I'd like to see Boris push for a police officer on every tube entrance/exit so that underground miscreants know that their exit route is effectively sealed. "
Anyone tried to single-handedly 'effectively seal' a tube exit at rush hour?
And I thought it was common sense that common sense is something which can't be taught... as in, it's sense, and it's common.
Is Read suggesting here that it would be 'common sense' for traffic wardens not to give tickets to people who are illegally parked???
Muppet.
Rilly
Comment No. 704948 July 17 18:53 GBR I'd like to apply for the 'London Laureate' job that Mike suggests.
'Mr Livingstone I presume' said Boris came the reply 'but I was expecting Steve Norris' from the post of London mayor I've been freed and it's all down to that article by Mike Read So I'm off to Caracas to find solace
If I don't get the job, maybe I could write the lyrics for Mike's next musical
DaveCa
Comment No. 704961 July 17 18:58 GBR notmelphilips:
"Ah well, time to go to some other threads for a bit of ill-tempered and witless jousting."
You could always try Brian Brivati's article. It's a bit like Mike Read's, but with academic credentials.
davidabsalom
Comment No. 704965 July 17 18:59 GBR "If I don't get the job, maybe I could write the lyrics for Mike's next musical"
Sorry, Riley, only the dead get to collaborate with Mike Read.
deb1
Comment No. 704967 July 17 18:59 GBR Can't comment. This is too funny. One of those are crying laughter moments.
ljepo
Comment No. 704968 July 17 18:59 ESP Can't add much to the very funny comments except to say that Mikey was actually in talks with the Tories back in January: http://politicalquote.blogspot.com/2007/01/ken-can-relax-if-mike-read-runs-for.html
Some good quotes just to show that today's article wasn't a one off....
Err...big mistake Mike.
Wrong Mike!
Wrong again!
On a serious note I remember a time when we in Britain looked down our noses at the Americans for electing an actor as President. We thought the same about Indian and Pakistan as they elected singers, film stars and ex-cricketers. Now it seems to be Britain which is leading the way in the process of celebrties becoming politicians and indeed politicians craving to be celebrities.
What next.... a blogger's alliance to stand in the next general election?
Prodicus
Comment No. 704973 July 17 19:02 GBR Mike Read may not be the brightest lamp in the box, but on the other hand, who the hell would vote for anyone supported by the charmless 90 percent of posters on this thread who are so acid-mouthed they must have trouble smiling at their own mothers, even if said ladies would admit to having borne them. Viva Boris.
Barmyoldkak
Comment No. 704984 July 17 19:07 USA Everyone please remember this pice when it comes to nominating your favourite articles at the end of the year- it reads like it comes from a time capsule from the early-mid 90s..... cheered me up no end.
LesterJones
Comment No. 704986 July 17 19:07 SWE In his profile strangely disconcerting ex-DJ Mike Reid claims to be collaborating with Shelley, Byron, Kipling, Auden, Shakespeare, Dylan Thomas, Tennyson and Wordsworth?!
How is that possible?
prontopronto
Comment No. 704993 July 17 19:09 GBR mike read,
i know your heart is in the right place but thanks for making me really really laugh.
and thanks to the guardian for putting this in comment, it's magical stuff.
i love the guardian sometimes, i really do.
paulhs
Comment No. 704994 July 17 19:10
His musical couldn't have been that bad.
So I too checked the review:
Read was blasted last year for his work on the Cliff Richard tribute musical Cliff, but here outdoes himself in tackiness. This sorry biomusical, chosen - madly - to relaunch the Shaw Theatre on Euston Road as a dynamic off-West End space, passes golden genius through the filter of presumptuous mediocrity and produces over two hours of leaden dross. Were it on the radio, you might just about tolerate it as background noise; played out before drooping eyes on a spartan stage, it's excruciating.
The review ends:
it's as a pitiful vanity project, not as a serious West End contender, that the evening is best understood.
I think Troy McClure from The Simpsons was cast in the part of Oscar.
AndyV
Comment No. 705008 July 17 19:15 GBR If Londoners vote for bumbling Boris, then they are more stupid than even I think they are.
BrianGriffen
Comment No. 705017 July 17 19:22 GBR I know somebody who would vote for Mike Read...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Tulip_Rose_Read
carlweathers
Comment No. 705020 July 17 19:23 GBR @JonnyB: [>>"Create a London laureate to extol the virtues of the city in song and verse"
An excellent idea. It would need to be somebody who fancies themself as a songwriter and poet; somebody with an excellent track record in music - perhaps, for the sake of smoothing the way politically, somebody who has endorsed and supports one of the leading mayoral candidates...?
The thing is - I just CAN'T think of anybody who would fit this bill. Obviously many of the top contenders would be too modest to perhaps put themselves forward for the job.
Can anybody suggest a name?]
I'm thinking a former DJ with little if any credibility but who is looking to make a come-back and has some interesting if not mainstream thoughts to bring to the table....
I'm thinking JONATHAN KING!
downsman
Comment No. 705024 July 17 19:24 GBR For anyone not yet totally laughed out, I second the poster above who recommends clicking onto Mike's profile above. It just gets sillier as it goes on - and he obviously can't see it.
followyourheart
Comment No. 705027 July 17 19:25 GBR So, with all his 'other' more lucrative interests, how many hours per week would he devote to doing a 'good' job?
Orthodoxcaveman
Comment No. 705031 July 17 19:27 GBR Thanks Mike for giving me such a good laugh...I still can't decide whether Prodicus is Dave lee Travis, Noel Edmunds, or Simon Bates.
bolivarsbastard
Comment No. 705040 July 17 19:33 USA Guys, don't you get it? This is Cameron's way of getting rid of Boris cheaply. Once Boris bungles the London election, Cameron doesn't have to waste time or space giving him any sort of post. This means less embarrassment, and the chance to find someone who doesn't come across as a caricature of Conservative values, not to mention common sense. Of course, if Boris wins (and I see pigs orbiting the Tower first!) then Cameron can talk about his brilliant strategy. Either way, the Slick One is a winner.
LordLuvaduck
Comment No. 705055 July 17 19:39 FRA This entry was tagged with the following keywords: mikeread ego loony smashygoesbonkers ricepudding gaga istherehoneystillfortea
davidabsalom
Comment No. 705058 July 17 19:41 GBR "More than 30,000 UK playing fields have gone under Labour..."
Is there any authority to this figure? 30,000 seems a little high - it's roughly 8 a day - but I can't believe a major cultural icon and serious political contender like Mike Read would just plonk down the first figure that came into his head.
Benulek
Comment No. 705063 July 17 19:43 POL Wow, this has been fun. And I don't think much of this has been particularly 'acid-tongued', as one spoiler put it. This thread is evidence that sometimes it's impossible for a group of ordinary, averagely intelligent and self-aware human beings NOT to find something funny. The thing is, people often say something like 'this could be by Craig Brown' when they want to deflate some or other pomposity. But this is different- this really COULD be Craig Brown! I don't think the majority of posters are being particularly vitriolic- it's just that so much of this goes so unerringly to some primal comic reflex that pretty much any kind of comment or quotation is going to set off another round of laughter. There is an element of car crash, and that's perhaps cruel, but we don't appear to be dealing with what you might call one of the less self-regarding members of the species. I'm sure his ego can take it.
Like I said, it's been fun. Cheers CiFers, you made 37C in Warsaw much more bearable.
HenryB62
Comment No. 705064 July 17 19:43 GBR All these articles on Boris make a pleasant relief from the endless diatribe of Islamic propaganda. I was beginning to think the Guardian was run by and for a cranky religous sect.
paulhs
Comment No. 705066 July 17 19:44
And I guess if Boris were to win, who would get the first refusal on writing, composing and directing the musical?
TheDoctorOfLetters
Comment No. 705068 July 17 19:44 GBR What intellectual power! Integrity! Humility! And in one so young! You remain an inspiring figure for the youth of today, Big Mike. Hats off to the Guardian for giving you the space to distribute your sage counsel. Could we persuade you to run for the Head of the UN, instead?
formerlefty
Comment No. 705090 July 17 19:53 GBR To the poster who suggested 'MKOne' who defended Mr Read, must be the great man himself, I point out that he mentioned George Galloway in his post, thus displaying a far greater knowledge of the minutiae of politics than Mike is likely to have.
And on reading all the above posts, I'm starting to think maybe _all_ of CiF should be written by clapped-out staggeringly egotistical former DJs.
Instead of coming away from my PC full of negative feelings of anger over fraught political topics or worrying if I've posted something that 'went too far' or feeling depressed that someone I disagree with made a convincing argument, I found myself chuckling merrily. Been a long time since I chuckled merrily.
Let's have more. Perhaps Simon Bates on global warming, DLT on the private finance initiative...
PaddyTaffy
Comment No. 705097 July 17 19:56 FIN This is hilarious - the first comment can't really be topped... you couldn't make this up.
I, too, hereby rule myself out of the mayoral race. Thank you.
BrianGriffen
Comment No. 705099 July 17 19:57 GBR Carlweathers
unfortunately, according to Mike Read, there will no place on the streets of London for paedophiles such as Jonathan King.
Kaitain
Comment No. 705105 July 17 20:02 CAN I always thought that Smashy sounded most like Peter Powell ("Hi, gorgeous!") and Nicey was largely based on Alan Freeman.
DoctorShadrak
Comment No. 705106 July 17 20:03 GBR good job you changed your mind Mike, your a Twat and no one would would have voted for you anyway.
I hate Ken Livingstone, with a passion [some remarks were removed at this point - CiF Moderation] and as a Londoner I feel helpless that I am unable to unseat him.
but Boris ? you have got to be joking, a Tory toff, what has he got in common with me and millions of other londoners (that dont live in Chelsea) and what could be possibly understand about life in Tower Hamlets or Barking or Fortune Green or Hanwell or Stratford or Tooting. Tory twats like him and Cameron represent everything that is reprehensible and abhorrent in todays hopelessly out of touch politicians, all of them should be burned at the stake for the mess we are in, me and the missus make 70k a year between us and we cant afford to buy a decent 2 bedroom flat in Wandsworth, the lot of them are a bunch of b^*%$&ds
themanwithnoname
Comment No. 705107 July 17 20:05 GBR Read also claims to be the author of 35 published books and written songs for 10 stage musicals and dozens of songs for major recording artists.
Has anyone ever read, heard, listened or saw any of this mans great works. I know I haven't, apart from his pathetic ill thought out policies for london.
twinger
Comment No. 705119 July 17 20:15 GBR A few words in Mike Read's favour, despite the fact that he has turned into just another disgruntled motorist in the 20 years since I last heard of him.
1. Superstore was much better than SwapShop: Read had a good rapport with children and was great on the phones. 2. re banning of Relax: it's easy to mock now from the vantage point of an age where Channel 4 are allowed to show Friends with all its sexual innuendo at 10 on a Saturday morning. The sex genie is truly out of the bottle. But I have a lot of time for people like Mary Whitehouse who tried to hold things up and I'm happy I grew up in decades where it was still possible to shock and be shocking. 3. to give some context to people who weren't there, Wham's Wham Rap was only allowed to be played after 10pm because it glorified life on the dole.
zangdook
Comment No. 705120 July 17 20:16 GBR Deleted by mailed fist of CIF moderator.
Notgullible
Comment No. 705125 July 17 20:19 GBR Typically some Guardian readers couldn't take my earlier stance on Mike Reid. There are those in the world who actually admire people like Mike.
However I'm sure they aren't the sandal-wearing, veggie, 'Save-The-Whales Guardian types who snear at the Osmonds, Englebert, Richard Clayderman, Chris De Burgh, Family of Man, and James Blunt.
To find another take on Mike, about his charity work, watch the 5 minute animated film 'Mike Read Superhero' (which also includes Cliff and Simon Bates) which you can find on -
http://eclectech.co.uk/mikeread-superhero.php
ThurrockHunt
Comment No. 705126 July 17 20:20 GBR @ Kaitain
I think Harry Enfield said that Smashy was based on Tony Blackburn, but Mike was clearly influenced by the great man.
Mike, seriously, you should rethink the hair. You're starting to look like Zelda out of Terrahawks.
moook
Comment No. 705154 July 17 20:34 GBR From the great man's profile:
"Mike has just finished an album collaborating with many literary greats including Shelley, Byron, Kipling, Auden, Shakespeare, Dylan Thomas, Tennyson and Wordsworth"
As you can't collaborate with a dead person, being that they're dead, Mike obviously has a time machine. Who knows, he could even be the real life Doctor! As mayor, he could probably get the Olympic debacle sorted with a swipe of his sonic screwdriver. Mike for Mayor!
[An additional remark, quoting part of a comment which was deleted, was removed at this point. CiF Moderation]
GreenLake
Comment No. 705155 July 17 20:35 USA twinger:
1) No WAY Saturday Superstore was better than Swap Shop. It wasn't even as good as TisWas.
2) The sex genie was long out of the bottle when Smashy put the mockers on Relax. Mary Whitehouse and her ilk were trying to push us back to a time of sexual repression, guilt and humiliation. I'm happy my kids won't have to grow up thinking sex is icky and shameful.
3) I don't remember Wham Rap being being restricted to the post 10pm time slot! Really? Well, so what? That doesn't justify banning Relax, does it?
themanwith noname:
As a wedding gift, some friends of mine gave me and the new missus a book, the title of which I forget, that listed what Cliff Richard was doing on every single day from 1958 to 1993. The "editor" of this tome? Step forward one Michael "Smashy" Read.
notmelphilips
Comment No. 705157 July 17 20:36 GBR formerlefty: "Instead of coming away from my PC full of negative feelings of anger over fraught political topics or worrying if I've posted something that 'went too far' or feeling depressed that someone I disagree with made a convincing argument ..."
Excellent. I thought I was the only one.
themanwithnoname: "Has anyone ever read, heard, listened or saw any of this mans great works?"
Didn't he do 'War and Peace' and 'Finnegan's Wake'? Actually that last one could almost be true.
Keep it up folks, and there'll be more posts on this thread than on Polly Toynbee.
wddr
Comment No. 705162 July 17 20:40 FIN Just when I thought this thread was beginning to dry up, Twinger comes up with this gem:
"A few words in Mike Read's favour... Superstore was much better than SwapShop"
So the only thing in this guy's favour is that he isn't Noel Edmonds.
Benulek
Comment No. 705170 July 17 20:42 POL Given Mike's rapport with gangs- sorry, 'crews'- of misguided youth, perhaps he could focus his energies on some pastoral work with individuals whose past appetites for violence and wanton vandalism might still prove a threat to the interests of decent, upstanding, law-abiding (apart from the silly, inconvenient ones of course) Londoners.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/02/14/noxford14.xml
JamesRR
Comment No. 705184 July 17 20:52 GBR Dear, dear Mike. I've heard of car-crash television, but this is pure car-crash 'journalism' (and I use the term loosely).
Never before in the history of online news has one man and one article been mocked so comprehensively, wholeheartedly and unanimously.
We could have sent Mike Read to Northern Ireland in the 1980's. He's the one thing that could have united all the factions together - united in utter contempt of Mike Read's ability to be a complete and utter twat.
At the end of each of his paragraphs, I'm still expecting an Alan Partridge style "needless to say I had the last laugh..."
Someone should contact a museum so we can have this article stored and displayed for public viewing for all eternity so any aspiring journalist / politician can see how not to act if you actually want to succeed in life.
I can see a 'Mike Read' definition in the dictionary - Mike Read, noun, 1. Twat, 2. Attempting to be credible when mocked by the world around you, 3. A human error, an anomoly, a blip, a mistake, a stain on the fabric of humanity etc.
I notice this is Mike Read's first article for the Guardian. It will also be his last.
zangdook
Comment No. 705191 July 17 20:55 GBR Hey, kids and kidettes, here's a link to that review in the Torygraph!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/10/21/btdc21.xml
Chavette
Comment No. 705192 July 17 20:56 Still laughing here.
Please can we have Bruno Brookes' analysis of the global warming crisis next?
easterman
Comment No. 705199 July 17 21:01 IRL Deleted by self-moderator
PorFavor
Comment No. 705205 July 17 21:03 GBR Not standing? And I was convinced that he was a veritable Whittington.
nobodyisinnocent
Comment No. 705208 July 17 21:04 GBR cor blimey gov!
did those years in the real life fly on the wall documentary called east enders playing cockney wanker pay for the face lift/shrivel and hair do/don't (delete as you see fit)?
GreenLake
Comment No. 705216 July 17 21:08 USA JamesRR: "I notice this is Mike Read's first article for the Guardian. It will also be his last."
I bloody hope not! This is the best CiF thread ever. The least they should do is give him a weekly column.
DickTurnip
Comment No. 705219 July 17 21:09 GBR I'm still not convinced. this HAS to be a spoof. But I really, really hope it isn't. ps. I think the MR banning "relax" is a bit of an urban myth a bit like the Jockie Wilson pic. anyway, my money is on Steve Coogan.... for the spoof authorship I mean, not the mayoral situation.
frothwrath
Comment No. 705226 July 17 21:12 GBR Isn't this article a bit previous, Mike? What happens if Boris isn't selected as the Tory candidate?
ThurrockHunt
Comment No. 705240 July 17 21:25 GBR I was listening the day Mike banned 'Relax' - I think he said it was 'overtly obscene'. I was on the way to Mitcham, and I had to stop because I was laughing too hard to drive.
Flatcap
Comment No. 705243 July 17 21:26 GBR Er - who is this guy Mike Read? Is he famous for something?
Benulek
Comment No. 705247 July 17 21:30 POL I think tousle-haired sexual predator Boris may be disappointed when Mike Read informs him that the 'mayoral situation' has got nothing to do with a bit of how's-yer-father with the Shadow Leader of the House of Commons.
Sorry.
It's late.
misharialadwani
Comment No. 705254 July 17 21:33 GBR GreenLake-"...give him a weekly column." Amen to that..at first,I felt a smidgen of guilt at taking potshots at such an obvious imbecile,you know,shooting fish in a barrel-but,hey,he set himself up as a target,he mustn't be shocked if people take aim...at this juncture,I would like to announce that my cat,Pongo,has decided to withdraw from the Mayoral race.He is far too busy collaborating with the late Andrew Lord Website on a musical biography of Mike Read,tentatively entitled,"Beavers From Outer Space Ate My Brain And Left A Dead Chinchilla Nailed To My Head." It's for the best,really...
robertdaniel
Comment No. 705264 July 17 21:38 GBR well done Mike !!!
this is just the common sense approach that we are crying out for and I agree that Boris is just the man for the job.
Boris is the right man to deliver the necessary toughness on paedophiles and the anti-social, especially with his fantastic experience in crime and social problems ** He would have the neccesary understanding and empathy from his background, for instance he would much better than that posh tory bloke, cant remember his name??, who upset Liverpool and Portsmouth with those outrageous, but hardly offensive, comments.
Secondly in regards to the bored "crews" you are so right to highlight their plights of boredom, something needs to be done. But they need worry of future dullness, im only in my twenties but ive heard of great street parties during the early eighties in brixton, toxteth and bristol. well someone said lots of people got battered.
and finally yes lets get more police on the underground or further still introduce bouncers so we can be totally sure that those undesirable are hassled and harassed or better still not let in.
you have made a brave and unselfish decision to stand aside mr reed, but lets get behind the man that matters.
BORIS
ekoj
Haigin88
Comment No. 705274 July 17 21:48 GBR If Mike Read has spoken this kind of ludicrous claptrap at - as he so proudly says - *three* Conservative Party conferences, then surely someone managed to film at least one of them? It must have been horrific to witness. Where was Abraham Zapruder when we needed him?
themanwithnoname
Comment No. 705283 July 17 21:50 GBR Thank you 'Zangdook' for that link. Read got an absolute hammering from that critic and yet he keeps coming back for more. He has obviously got a very thick skin but to be deluded to this extent must mean he needs some medication.
spdevcambridge
Comment No. 705285 July 17 21:52 GBR Hang on folks, the key sentence is: "Non-party members can vote but have to apply for a form and knowing how apathetic folk can be I believe this would, for me, narrow any chance of winning, as the Tory faithful are much more likely to vote for an established politician."
I think the mass response here has demonstrated people are not apathetic.
Can't we start a draft Mike campaign? I think Boris has to earn the nomination. Let them go head-to-head on the hustings to woo the voters.
I promise I'll apply for a form. I don't live in London, though. Is that a problem?
pastis
Comment No. 705286 July 17 21:54 FRA Mike,
Would you reconsider your decision not to run? Remember that Livingstone won first time round on an indepedent ticket so a precedent exists. London has been through some worrying times over the last few years and a MIKE FOR MAYOR campaign just might put a smile back on people's faces. If you need to raise funds I'm certain many members of the public would come forward as cash donors. Personally I'm convinced that you're just as talented as Boris.
unprinted
Comment No. 705289 July 17 21:59 GBR Mike Read not standing for mayor? The nation's capital mourns.
Hang on, this isn't exactly the standard Shermanesque statement of not standing ("if nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve") is it?
It's more like Michael Hesseltine's 'I'm not, but here's what I'd do if I did' denial that he would stand against Mrs Thatcher... not long before he did, in fact, stand.
So there's hope for us yet.
davidabsalom
Comment No. 705299 July 17 22:08 GBR Mike Read takes time out of his busy career to give us his well-thought-out policies for a better London despite his undoubted distaste for personal publicity. Yet all we can do is mock. I despair of this country.
Still at least we still have Boris.
PetetheTree
Comment No. 705311 July 17 22:18 GBR "Create a London laureate to extol the virtues of the city in song and verse"
There already is one, Toryboy - his name's Shane MacGowan.
Given what usually happens to things Smashy disapproves of, I take it Ken's looking at a landslide victory.
Can the Guardian pleeeaaaaassse get this dimwit Read to write a regular column? It's so much more entertaining than Zoe Williams...
kingnakamura
Comment No. 705320 July 17 22:22 KEN Does Mikey do stand up? Any idea if he's expensive? How to get in touch with his agent?
Catch22
Comment No. 705354 July 17 22:47 GBR GreenLake: "As a wedding gift, some friends of mine gave me and the new missus a book, the title of which I forget, that listed what Cliff Richard was doing on every single day from 1958 to 1993. The "editor" of this tome? Step forward one Michael "Smashy" Read."
How would he know what Cliff was doing every single day, unless......
uh, oh my goodness, now I understand, Mike is Cliff's...
chekhov
Comment No. 705361 July 17 22:52 GBR Surely this is spoof and a brilliant one at that and very funny. If it's not a spoof it's even funnier!
tetradite
Comment No. 705362 July 17 22:52 GBR Much as I hate to be a sheep I would like to second a couple of recurring posts
1) Thanks everybody, I've checked back to this thread 4 times today and every visit has produced fresh entertainment...
2) I too would like to announce that I am not running for London Mayor. I have also heard on the grapevine that my cat is seriously considering withdrawing as well.
In the words of comic-book guy:
best cif
ever.
prunner
Comment No. 705367 July 17 22:56 DEU Who's Mike Read. Untested and Useless just like Boris will be when Ken gets to debate with the boy. He may get votes from Papua to go on a weight loss programme to see if he can go on a popularity contest there.
scrabble50
Comment No. 705370 July 17 22:58 GBR The poor man, sitting there with his nylon hair and matching truss.And then the torrent of abuse and sniggering. Yes, give him a regular slot to babble and we can laugh. A living caricature, a work of art. Unlike Boris. A mistake waiting to be repeated.
chet
Comment No. 705372 July 17 22:58 GBR The above posts are a terrible indictment of the average Guardian reader. You wouldn't get this amount of spiteful venom on Guido's blog or even on The Hitch. You certainly wouldn't get in the Telegraph and as for The Mail, the immature idiots above are probably not aware that its editor Paul Dacre is a friend and supporter of Gordon Brown. Yes, strange man.
kingnakamura
Comment No. 705376 July 17 23:02 KEN No, No. Not Mikey at all! The real author is our Polly making a resounding comeback after losing her zen earlier on in the morning. Well done, Polly, and there was me thinking you'd lost it.
TC2642
Comment No. 705380 July 17 23:08 GBR I've worked out who MKone (see 3:31 PM) is!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iMXbiqiETM
LondonFido
Comment No. 705388 July 17 23:14 GBR Absolutely priceless - such a great, great thread - many thanks to all - especially Mkone. I was curious to see what titles amazon listed for Mike Read and it seems we can add to his list of posthumous collaborations - evidently he has also produced audiotapes with Rupert Brookes and Enid Blyton
GreenLake
Comment No. 705390 July 17 23:14 USA Sorry. Utterly gratuitous post to ensure we pass the Toynbee thread count. Childish, I know, but this is so much more fun than the "Boris is evil and must die" tone on display there.
Catch22
Comment No. 705401 July 17 23:24 GBR themanwithnoname: "He has obviously got a very thick skin"
Your not wrong there, have you seen his picture?
carlweathers
Comment No. 705402 July 17 23:25 GBR Apparently Andy Cole is retiring from international football.
chet
Comment No. 705412 July 17 23:31 GBR The above posts are a terrible indictment of the average Guardian reader. You wouldn't get this amount of spiteful venom on Guido's blog or even on The Hitch. You certainly wouldn't get in the Telegraph and as for The Mail, the immature idiots above are probably not aware that its editor Paul Dacre is a friend and supporter of Gordon Brown. Yes, strange man.
biba100mejico
Comment No. 705422 July 17 23:38 MEX That haircut is very Herman's Hermits isn't it?
chiff67
Comment No. 705426 July 17 23:44 GBR Well done!
It's nearly midnight...and I'm still coming back for more...Some of the comments are priceless and have really put a smile on my face...so good to see that our fractured society has been mended by this egotist...we're all in the same 'crew' now!
And don't ever say we're being bitchy...the posters here have more of a handle on the pulse of London than this buffoon....
Dougiedownunder
Comment No. 705438 July 17 23:55 AUS Relax Mike, none of us care.
Picatrix
Comment No. 705443 July 18 0:02 FRA I think this MR should post more, not had a good laugh on this site ever. Would not be out of place in Private Eye, as a spoof. Oh well don't worry Mike, The Daily Mail is right behind you!
But to make sure Boris is dead in the water please tell us more!
Absorption
Comment No. 705447 July 18 0:06 GBR "I promise I'll apply for a form. I don't live in London, though. Is that a problem?"
Not for Mike Read. I'm not sure he does.
JamesRR
Comment No. 705455 July 18 0:13 GBR Holy crap - we've broken into a new day and people are still commenting in amazement at the wonders of Mike Read!
Mike, your supreme talents are wasted on us. We can't discuss politics on as higher level as you can. If only we mere mortals could match your infinite wisdom on paedophilia, underground parking and the congestion charge, the world would truly be a perfect place.
I tell you something, if Mike Read doesn't get a knighthood...no wait, a peerage in the new years' honours list for this tome of philosophical perfection on display today then it'll be a bloody disgrace.
Don't waste your time on the Mayor job Mike. Both you and I know that you were born for greater things than that. A man of your esteem should be aiming for Number 10, or UN Secretary General at least.
Don't listen to your detractors Mike. Even if the whole world is telling you that you're a twat (and they are telling you that), you keep telling yourself that you're the best. And that's all that counts. You truly are a King among men, Mike.
saintpatrick
Comment No. 705464 July 18 0:27 IRL wow - Mike, your article, in fairness, was truly awful......
but man oh man, I think thats what they call a New York Pig F*ck - you sir, brought out the best in us............
uppityduck
Comment No. 705494 July 18 1:05 AUS "Build extensive underground car parks. Put all car parking underground. I've discussed this with major developers and it's feasible."
Brilliant!!!! putting concrete over the whole of the Lake District is also feasible, building a nuclear power plant in the middle of London is also feasible.
But I don't think putting a man with a dodgy haircut as mayor of London is.....
C21Potlatch
Comment No. 705496 July 18 1:21 GBR cif: The Musical
Mike visited cif in good faith, Humbly offering his wisdom on the mayoral race. He coulda been a contender, but the voting system was mad. So, he batted for Boris and his charming dad.
His head brimmed with ideas to improve the capital. Not a single one was incoherent at all: Find every thug and perv and put them away; Get gangsters to express themselves through the medium of ballet;
Let everybody drive for mile after mile, Then park under the earth with a satisfied smile; Make traffic wardens practice common sense, not grind petty axes; Reward the deserving, stop punishing them with taxes.
He produced brilliant policies by the score, Only to provoke laughter, as readers rolled on the floor.
Marat
Comment No. 705517 July 18 2:15 GBR Judging by this roll of Cif I think it would be a good idea for the left to vote for Boris in the Conservative Primary.
Mike Read as a Conservative politician and backer of Boris for London Mayor you would make a very successful writer of musicals about Oscar Wilde.
Heres some of Mikes rave reviews
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts/3944431.stm
Wilde show flops after one night A West End musical about Oscar Wilde that was written and directed by TV and radio presenter Mike Read has closed after just one night.
Oscar Wilde: The Musical opened on Tuesday at the Shaw Theatre in London, but was pulled on Wednesday.
"After the first night, bookings were low and the reviews were poor," a spokesman for the theatre said.
The show was timed to coincide with the 150th anniversary of Wilde's birth and was due to run until 21 November.
Benedict Nightingale, The Times theatre critic, wrote of the Wilde musical: "As Oscar himself, Peter Blake is just about OK." Yet it's hard to blame him when he must, for instance, fester in a preposterously impressionistic Reading Jail imagining he's cuddling children... whatever else Wilde was, he wasn't a sentimental prat."
The Guardian was equally scathing:"You begin to wonder whether the sound system is being affected by the hefty rumbling of Oscar Wilde turning in his grave
And the Daily Telegraph said it was "hard to feel anything other than incredulous contempt".
For once I agree with the Daily Vote Torygraph
Vote Labour get a Read
gertom
Comment No. 705521 July 18 2:38 GBR What is the Tory gene that nestles so comfortably within the DNA of a Radio one DJ. Tony Balackburn is the same. Perhaps if you spend your time talking vacuous, meaningless drivel for long enough, you automatically metamorphise into a Tory:- hence -David Cameron.
andyosb
Comment No. 705534 July 18 4:01 GBR I too will not be standing as Mayor of London. However I will be standing as Duke of Earl.
NoComments
Comment No. 705565 July 18 6:25 CZE Is that your Final answer?
sionglas
Comment No. 705572 July 18 7:01 GBR I'm devastated you're not standing Mike !
I was looking forward to seeing the dream ticket of yourself and little Jimmy Krankie sorting out London's chronic garbage problem and it would have interesting seeing how housing supremo,Jordon, handled the affordable housing scheme ?
PatobaIpririm
Comment No. 705584 July 18 7:27 GBR What amuses me about this article is how much Mr Read mentions cars; I think it's all he really cares about.
All these so 'common sense' traffic flow suggestions... and then he would scrap the Congestion Charge.
If that happens, you can phase the traffic lights any way you like, it won't matter. London's streets will be a citywide gridlock, a metal zoo.
Trilobyte
Comment No. 705594 July 18 7:44 GBR Just out of interest, there are 275 stations on the London Underground, with, I guess, an average of 3 exits each? So that's more than 800 officers. Taking into account shifts, non frontline police etc, this would account for about 10-15% of the Met's operational manpower. Standing at the entrance to tube stations, on the offchance that they can grab a wrong 'un as he runs past.
Mike, you won't be disappointed if Ian Blair doesn't slap himself on the forehead, go 'Doh' and rush to put this into immediate effect, will you?
Best/funniest CIF thread ever, IMHO, by the way.
HaSipHaSip
Comment No. 705595 July 18 7:45 THA A big thank you to everyone at CiF for giving me the best lunchtime laugh ever. Even Mkone, who's pomposity was standout...
LizStockeraswas
Comment No. 705600 July 18 7:59 GBR Just to say ...... yes, my grandchildren, I was here for the Mike Read Blog .....
And what a wonderful party it's been!
Ceredig
Comment No. 705608 July 18 8:10 GBR Go for it Mike, go for it! After all, Boris only pretends to be as thick as two short planks, you're the real thing.
davidabsalom
Comment No. 705613 July 18 8:17 GBR Come on people - this thread is being beaten by the Harry Potter one!
I can't believe commenting on some over-hyped media construct is more popular than this serious political debate.
Baksheesh
Comment No. 705615 July 18 8:20 ROM Well,Mike, who else would be a credible Lord Mayor of London? There's Dick Whittington, Whip Dickington, Whip Dickintongue, the artful dodger, or maybe some other fantasy character. Ah yes, how silly of me; Boris the spider. No? Boris Todeath, perhaps. Only kidding. It's Boris, the ex-newspaper chap. What was the reason he's not editor of the whassisname newspaper any more? Ah yes, a safe choice to run a city with 10 million plus souls.
exiledlondoner
Comment No. 705627 July 18 8:33 ESP Every time I read Mike's article, I find another gem. The man is inspired! Can I add my voice to those calling for a weekly column.
"...resulting in many people in the party urging me forward."
Go forth and multiply?
"Seeing a chance to make a real difference to a great city I thought it would be refreshing to go down a "people not politics" route and have spent a great deal of time at Westminster over the last six months."
Where the hell would you have gone, had you gone down the "politics not people" route?
"Initially it was to be a telephone vote for the whole of London..."
Are you sure you're not getting it confused with Big Brother?
"Non-party members can vote but have to apply for a form and knowing how apathetic folk can be I believe this would, for me, narrow any chance of winning, as the Tory faithful are much more likely to vote for an established politician."
Please reconsider. I will vote for you, at least 20 times.
"That said I'm happy to support Boris in any way necessary and have discussed the mayoral situation with his charming father, Stanley."
What mayoral situation?
"It's essential for Boris to be much, much tougher on the persistently antisocial, making sure that rapists, murderers and paedophiles have no place, and never will, on the streets of London, and will not threaten civilised society."
What about burglars, muggers and armed robbers? Are you going to leave them roaming the street, free to terrorise Londoners?
"I've spoken to lots of young kids in gangs or "crews" as they prefer to be known and most want to get out of a way of life that gives them nothing. Get in there ..."
Er, I'd rather not - "get in there" that is.
"understand their problems and give them access to sporting facilities and the chance to make music, act, dance and write. Get them integrated into society and to realise its value."
That'll solve the problem.....
"I'd like to see Boris push for a police officer on every tube entrance/exit so that underground miscreants know that their exit route is effectively sealed."
And mainline stations?
"Broken parking meters should be free until mended."
You want to encourage people to use their cars in central London?
"Build extensive underground car parks. Put all car parking underground. I've discussed this with major developers and it's feasible."
Mr McAlpine. There's an ageing DJ to see you.......
"...far more needs to be done."
More what?
"I've had discussions with the Football Association who are behind my London Schools FA Cup idea."
Mr Brooking. There's an ageing DJ to see you.......
"Several professional footballers have agreed to be ambassadors and a wealthy and private concern would be happy to get involved with the FA and me on establishing the blueprint for this."
Can I suggest Joey Barton as ambassador to the UN? And don't be so coy about the "wealthy and private concern" - name names.
"Finally, in brief, explore more usage of the Thames..."
Public drowning of DJs?
"set up mayoral shops as an information point for tourists and to sell merchandise such as maps, London T shirts, flags, souvenirs and so on."
Shops selling tat to tourists? Brilliant. Why has nobody thought of this before?
"Create a London laureate to extol the virtues of the city in song and verse and encourage more of the colourful fabric of London to come through."
There's only one man for the job Mike. I think we both know who it is....
"Let's train traffic wardens to exercise common sense and reward Londoners who work hard, rather than hitting them with constant stealth taxes."
I'm really looking forward to a warden giving me twenty quid, the next time I park in a bus lane.
"I have the blueprint set up and ready to go for an online newspaper with every word about London, written by Londoners or by people visiting the capital."
I can't wait. Really.
"It goes without saying that there are, of course, countless issues not discussed in this limited space!"
I'm desperate to hear your take on the Metronet collapse - or maybe not...
"As I've decided not to stand...."
A city mourns...
"...I'm going to get behind the man who is."
I thought there were a number of candidates?
"I'll be available, if needed..."
I'm relieved that you added "if needed". Could that be the first glimpse of some self-awareness? Probably not.
"..to help Boris raise London's spirit and profile and become London mayor."
That would be gin, I assume?
Mike, you're a treasure.
nossisos
Comment No. 705628 July 18 8:35 DEU Listen, Mike, although you've done the heroic thing in standing aside for Boris, surely there's no reason you couldn't bring your radical ideas to another city in need of a mayor? Hartlepool elected a monkey mascot a couple of years back http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/1965569.stm,
so they'll be needing something a little less serious soon.
smallhog
Comment No. 705630 July 18 8:36 GBR Maybe all of the rapists, murderers and paedophiles clogging up the capital's streets could be placed in underground prisons (it's probably feasible you know), and the young kids in gangs or "crews" could become official advisors to the Mayor...
misharialadwani
Comment No. 705635 July 18 8:40 GBR Mike-Please,please,please,(copyright J.Brown),please reconsider..You must stand for Mayor.We need you,Mike..You are a unifying force.Everyone,but everyone thinks you're a dozey prat..personally,I think you're a comic genius...the deadpan delivery,the smarmy self-regard,the Cliff factor,the profound bone-headedness...I don't mind telling you,Mike,it's more addictive than crack.I'm begging you,don't cut off the supply. Lets hear it CiFers..WE WANT MIKE,WE WANT MIKE,WE WANT MIKE..
whathavetheydone
Comment No. 705650 July 18 8:51 GBR From an earlier post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iMXbiqiETM
So funny just wanted to make sure you all saw it. Must be MKone, as previous poster said.
Can someone set up a website: www.mike4mayor.com?
Then we can see if we can get him on the ballot anyway... imagine a threeway race between Ken, Boris and Mike!
notmelphilips
Comment No. 705651 July 18 8:51 GBR Good to see that the jeer-a-thon provoked by this lamentably conceived and woefully executed piece of egregious and egotistical nonsense is entering a second day. Keep it up folks.
PrawnTot
Comment No. 705658 July 18 8:57 GBR I can't wait to get into work this morning so I can carry on reading this.
whathavetheydone
Comment No. 705660 July 18 8:58 GBR "set up mayoral shops as an information point for tourists and to sell merchandise such as maps, London T shirts, flags, souvenirs and so on."
I think this is the best of the lot. Central London clearly has a shortage of tat-shops... so why not spend public money on setting up some of our own?
Maybe on this new website someone's going to set up (www.mike4mayor.com) we could have a voting system, which lets us vote for the best gem in this article... I've spoken to web developers, it is feasible.
I vote for the above.
Benulek
Comment No. 705667 July 18 9:01 POL Still going! I'm not going to get any work done today you naughty, naughty people. And I arrived late, as I couldn't find a parking space in Subduction Zone No.1, then stood on the underground escalators waiting for some uniformed fool at the entrance to hand out an on-the-spot fine to members of some crew or other. It made me so mad I kicked a parking meter. Then I wondered why they still have parking meters, since we all park underground. Some higher logic.
scoutzed
Comment No. 705671 July 18 9:03 GBR Is that a wig?
MonkeyGone2
Comment No. 705679 July 18 9:09 BEL If Johnson wants advice on 'crews', shouldn't he be approaching Read's old mucker Steve Wright? He was the man with the Afternoon Posse, after all.
nossisos
Comment No. 705685 July 18 9:15 DEU Could someone gratuitously insult religion or atheism, please, so we can get some help from the AC Grayling / Richard Dawkins crowd.
InternetFact
Comment No. 705686 July 18 9:16 GBR But (almost) seriously folks - for feral youths like me - who are too young to remember much before Labour came to power - it is important to be able to experience the true odious and hilarious nature of the Tory party. Next time one of my peers/crew members tells me that the Conservatives are, like, totally cool, and care about the environment and shit, I will be able to show them this article and show them otherwise.
rolleyes
Comment No. 705713 July 18 9:31 GBR I must say, I've never thought of murderers as "persistently antisocial" before. And does this only apply after the second victim or what?
CheeseBikini
Comment No. 705724 July 18 9:38 LUX Mike "I cut my own hair" Read or Boris "Cripes Er Erm Cripes" Johnson.
I prostrate myself before whatever force led me from England 11 years ago.
bluetuliproseread
Comment No. 705726 July 18 9:39 GBR Ed Stewart's breath stinks.
ElmerPhudd
Comment No. 705734 July 18 9:43 GBR Mike Read -- does he really just want to be Sir Cliff and cross the land righting wrongs and bringing us wholesome music where the only 'ho' is from Santa's xmas single? He is so full of self-importance that I'm amazed that he can consider anyone other than himself is capable of doing anything.
Buses, Mike -- do you actually know what they are? Ever been on one?
Can I suggest others visit http://eclectech.co.uk/mikeread-superhero.php Where we can see him in action saving the world. Boris can have London to rescue from "rapists, murderers and paedophiles", Mike has a far greater agenda.
The British Empire(tm) will rise again and England will be once more the heart and saviour of Christendom.
A newspaper for Londoners, by Londoners?
Does he mean a local version of the Daily Mail with maps and addresses of all known potential evildoers.
Boris - drop kick this clown before you lose any more respect. Mike - you're the best advert Ken has had so far.
MonkeyGone2
Comment No. 705736 July 18 9:45 BEL Looks like we might break the magical 275 and 285 (posts) barrier! Does anyone else remember the source of the '275 and 285' jingle: Read's risible punk parody 'High Rise' by the Trainspotters? He could never resist moaning about the fact that it (and his other crappy records) didn't make the charts, while DLT, Edmonds and Wright all had hits with their novelty singles. The humiliation!
claphamleft
Comment No. 705739 July 18 9:48 GBR Just got back from being an 'underground miscreant'!
Pleased to see that there are '.. of