Tampon

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“Suck your own blood!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tampon

They will gnaw your insides.

Tampons are parasitic insects found in the genital area. They are blood sucking creatures.

1 The life cycle of a tampon
2 Common misconceptions about Tampons
3 The habitat of a tampon
4 Tampon species

[edit] The life cycle of a tampon

The life cycle of a tampon last about a month. A tampon spends much of its life as an egg. After hatching, the Larvas live only 6-8 hours. Once they find a host, these creatures will burrow away into their host's body and gnaw away at the tender tissue inside. They are known to gorge themselves on blood until they reach bursting point, at which point they detatch from their hosts and escape to their breeding grounds. Tampons breed in trash heaps, sewage treatment facilities, and in many public restrooms.

Many larva will grow sizable teeth well-adapted for drawing blood

A fully-grown mother tampon getting ready to nurse her children. Note the look on the face: tampons are very protective of their young against strangers.

[edit] Common misconceptions about Tampons

"Tampons are artificial, and unnatural in the worst way."

Tampons are not manmade creatures. They are completely natural.

"Tampon shells are plastic, and an environmental hazard."

Tampons' outer shell is not made of plastic.

"If my boyfriend and I want to have fun, a tampon will protect me from getting pregnant."

Tampons are not an effective contraceptive. They will eat a man's penis after he ejaculates.

"Some Uncyclopedians are just pussies."

Tampons should not be confused with Uncyclopedians.

"I can't get tampons if I am pregnant."

Partially true, but pregnancy doesn't entirely prevent tampons spreading.

[edit] The habitat of a tampon

Tampons live in dark, warm, and wet environments. Generally inside a dead animal carcass, though they have been known to spread to open wounds on any passing critter. Anyone with a bloody nose should avoid approching these creatures.