Tamworth

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**Tim-Tam**
Motto: "DO YOU LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC!?!?!" and "Got Water?"
Official nickname	Tamworth, WTF is that?
Official languages	English, Bogan (Bogan only during Country Music festival)
Mayor	Bob the Builder
Established	1810s
Currency	Broken Banjo strings, Bogan toe nails.
Opening hours	ANYTIME! This is a city we are talking about! Are you on crack??
Civic anthem	"Doin' What Comes Natur'lly" (folks are dumb where I come from)

Tamworth is one of the many departments of Hell, which uses Country Music to punish its occupants and slowly drive them insane.

1 History
2 Country Music
3 Golden Guitar
4 Demographical Insight
5 See Also

[edit] History

Tamworth is an experimental colony for social embarrassments and others deemed unfit to mingle with the rest of society, like Sudanese refugees. It was first discovered by a bunch of British folk and a very lost walrus back in the 1810s. They called it Tamworth after the British city (not actually a city, but an old town becoming a vast soulless housing estate) because they were drunk and couldn't think of anything else. Also, the name 'Tamworth' in Walrus means 'Pig's Anus' (a direct reference to the intoxication level the walrus was suffering at the time).

Tamworth soon grew into a Regional City with many suburbs, all of them good. Except Coledale, which became a gang area (I am actually serious about this part). It has two shopping centres, and another one coming soon, our first two level one!

Originally established as the largest retirement home known to man, Tamworth is a place that people are sentenced to - indeed, no-one really ever chooses to go there. If you find yourself in Tamworth, you've probably done something very wrong, like murdered your entire family, raped a herd of cattle, or liked country music at some stage in your life. Indeed, the overall shittiness of Tamworth has led to calls for it to be used as a nuclear testing ground and a graveyard for, to quote mayor James Treloar, 'a graveyard for sheep lost due to landmines'. This was before a nationwide suggestion to build a centre for 'boat people', an initiative later moved to Woomerah on the grounds that Tamworth would be too far from the ocean, 'inhumane' and 'just stupid'.

Tamworth's claim to fame is winning the 1999 Tidy Town award.

[edit] Country Music

Tamworth is the Country Music Capital of Australia which means for one week a year, residents can't get any sleep because the music is loud and the people are too. Parts of the CBD are blocked off for this event so people can walk around the road. There are Buskers at the event, heaps of them, so much that some people avoid them at all costs.

Specifically used to brainwash occupants until they become retarded, banjo-loving zombies (otherwise known as 'bogans'), Country Music sounds sort of like what 300,000 cats would if you slowly lowered them simultaneously into a giant blender. That some people actually like this 'music' is a myth. Note that the word music is used loosely here, the title 'Country Music' is more of an ironic statement than anything else.

The Golden Guitar is a piece of crap, and doesn't deserve to be written about. Avoid at all costs.

Possibly the most memorable moment in the town’s history was the great Country Music flood that swept through the town and washed all the bogans down the river and out of the town. Rumour has it that some old guy was in a porta-potty that was washed down the river and never seen again. That was until cotton farmers drained the river and found the potty at the bottom of a watering hole.

[edit] Golden Guitar

Located opposite the Radio Station, the Golden Guitar was made in the mid-1980s by a Golden Giant who couldn't find a bathroom. It has become a symbol of Tamworth, which has turned away tourists in dozens of dozen droves. It is also Big, like some other Big landmarks around Australia. It has been known to work with some giants.

The Golden Guitar was built to ward unwary travellers away from the perils within Tamworth. It now serves as a testament to the amazing crappiness of the town. Lee Harding was once found lying naked on it.