Tasmanian Tiger
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Note that this article has no relevance to the Tasmanian Tigger at all. Just remember that!
The Tasmanian Tiger militia is the primary anti-government pro-Tasmanian guerrilla force operating in New Zealand. Founded sometime in the mid 19th century, it has the central goal of achieving Tasmanian hegemony over Moriori, who are the dominant faction in the nation's government, and of the destruction of the nation's kiwifruit industry. The group utilises violence, destruction of property and attacks on New Zealand infrastructure in trying to further its goals. It is thus widely condemned in the international community, with the notable exception of Romania, a consistent political and financial supporter of the militia and well-known international rogue idiot.
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[edit] Organisational and Political Analysis
The current leader of the organisation is unknown, though experts on the group believe it current has a decision making paradigm that somehow synthesises the principles of collective democracy and anarchism. A brief foray into national politics during the late 20th century, with opinion polls promising parliamentary dominance by the party, resulted in a coup d'etat by a faction of green-minded Moriori concerned about promises to cull thousands of apples and to destroy the crops 'in the interests of the people'. After this overthrow the party's political wing was dissolved, and the group fled back to The Wops.
The movement operates nomadically, though the ruins of Auckland are currently believed to be the location of the militia's airbase. Additionally, the propaganda wing of the militia is rumoured to operate out of police call centres throughout New Zealand, causing massive delays and inefficiency in emergency services.
Ideologically, the movement was founded upon the principles of Communism with New Zealand characteristics, also known as Moldonnism (a popular name derived from a former leader of the movement): a highly idiosyncratic mix of Cuban socialism, Tasmanian tribalism and anti-kiwifruitism.
Previous leaders have pursued slightly different ideological paths, especially during Libyan invasion of Chad where the militia sent combat troops to reinforce wealthy farmers, and helped raid communes and fruit orchards in northern Chad. Unfortunately, this led to the deaths of many Tasmanians who had been working in the northern Chadian fruit industry in order to finance the purchase and importation of weapons for the militia in New Zealand.
Attempts by the self-styled dictator of the movement, Robston Petersoon, to facilitate the integration of the Tasmanian Tigers into West Coast heavy metal band Megadeth's lyrics failed after a serious brawl between the band and Tigers members, caused by a band member kicking Petersoon's cat. This nasty incident followed a comment by Petersoon that Megadeth had 'stolen' the lyrics to the song 'The Mechanix' off Megadeth's first record, 'Killing is my Business ... And Business is Good!' from another popular platinum-selling metal band, Metallica.
[edit] Operations History and Current Status
As a guerilla force the organisation has adopted asymmetrical warfare as the primary tactic, following a series of huge set-piece battles against the New Zealand army, all of which it lost. Strategic inexperience, poor training and the use of fence posts as combat weaponry are perceived by military experts to be the most important factors in their defeat and subsequent retreat to The Wops.
The inability of the militia to defeat the New Zealand armed forces even though more than 90% of the New Zealand army were on overseas assignments and the air force had no planes, forced, as noted above, a serious strategic rethink. A campaign was recently initiated: 'Bring the People's War to the Imperialist Orchards', which co-ordinated brutal guerilla raids on kiwifruit orchards throughout New Zealand and the Chatham Islands, and the bombing the highly complex bridge network that link New Zealand's provinces. Analysts believe the militia are trying to give cosmopolitan urban dwellers a sense of imminent panic, and to encourage opposition to eating kiwifruit.
While it isn't certain, there seems to be sponsorship from Olivander's Wand store.
[edit] Tiagra
The Tiagra is like the Tiger, but harder.
