Tauren

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The tauren (also called TAREN by 9 year olds) is widely considered the most hideous abomination in the World of Warcraft, the one true form of entertainment. It is alike to the Minotaur, with almost the exact same cosmetic appearance and stature, but it has a slightly more pronounced hump on its back, shoulder height being higher than it's head.

The quarterback for the cowboys!

The tauren have often been considered peaceful plains-dwelling cows by most, but in truth they are barbaric, carnivorous abominations. They eat cougars for breakfast, lunch, and second lunch, following the eating schedule of hobbits. For dinner they usually feast upon paladin meat because it's very nutritious.

When the tauren first migrated to Cuba they fit in easily with Cuba's first inhabitants. Eventually they were forced to disguise themselves by eating humans and covering themselves with the skins' of a thousand Mexicans. This lead to the great Schism between the tribes, leading to the extinction of all tauren. They became crazed for blood, and as they ate rocks to gain strength(cause that's how tauren work), fight broke out. Everyone died except one tauren who pretended to be a Minotaur, which wasn't very hard considering they are exactly the same.

Sometimes a tauren is even caught roaring, "for the horde!" or other silly phrases with no known application.

When the tauren were extinct except the last one, he wrote a memoir under the alias Abraham Lincoln, impersonating a young Lincoln to gain notice in the world. Somehow it ended up as a fiction tale in the kids section of Barnes & Noble.

It is known that Tauren can get Mad Cow Disease.

1 Real Life Sightings
2 Famous Tauren
3 Statements on Tauren
4 tauren's unique skills

[edit] Real Life Sightings

Though mainly seen in World of Whorecraft, recent sightings of Tauren have been mentioned by numerous people. At a local school, when questioned on the subject of Tauren, one student replied: "Yeah, I know this guy... he sorta looks like a Tauren. I mean, he's big. And he likes hairy women." When questioned as to where such a person could be located, we were quickly interrupted by loud shout of "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAAAAALLL", and saw a relatively large, hairy being run after a small object being punted across the parking lot. (Some claimed it was a gnome).

Upon much discussion, it was concluded that there was no Tauren present. The flying object, however, has yet to be identified.

News Flash: Watch out for the Tauren Hunters as they like to turn Tauren into Tauren Burgers

[edit] Famous Tauren

Ymud Ymudian

The Unknown Author Of The Famous Book "There Is No Spoon"

[edit] Statements on Tauren

Mitch Hedberg, through a seance session, said (regarding Tauren):

I saw this thing, in a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, and drinking milk. I wanted to go up to him, and say: "You, are a Tauren. The cycle is complete."

[edit] tauren's unique skills

ROFL STOMP

Nearly equivalent to Chuck Norris's round house kick, but with a huge abnormal hairy hoof (which was designed by a a guy in blizzard who was on acid at the time and saw one of the employee's as inspiration

Leading cause of Obesity in 12 year old alliance

Enjoy that tauren burger while you can... Mwhahahaha *cough* MoooOoOooo /Stroke

ROFL SPAM

Your ganking a enemy when a tauren comes up to you and writes something really offensive that in most cases you end up emo and just gives up; or you get really really bad Gonorrhoea..This usually ends up in a old your mom joke but some how chuck Norris ends up in it..IE Barens Chat