Taxi

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[edit] Taxi (the TV show)

Taxi was a 1970s 'fly on the wall' documentary centering around the lives of cab drivers and featuring real life cab drivers Marilu Henner, Robert DeNiro, Tony Danza, Jodie Foster, Judd Nelson and Andy Coffin.

Most of the series participants' conflict was centred around the cab drivers pay disputes and work place reform complaints leveled at their diminutive dispatcher Danny Aielo, who delighted in tormenting the drivers as a way to make up for his own extremely small penis. DeNiro went on to become an actor.

[edit] Taxi (the shitty car with the shitty driver)

Invented in 25 BC by Maximus Overchargus of Elysium, the very first Taxis were Roman sedan chairs rented out in most major Roman settlements complete with a set of Numibian and Bengali slaves to provide weather and political analysis to the middle classes. In the 3rd century Visigothic king, Aldric the Pissed, rediscovered the Taxi and developed it as a transport device to breech Romes defensive walls by providing an excuse for a bunch of barbarians to wander into Rome waving around taxi licenses unchecked by gate patrols.

The use of Taxis once again went into decline until the 17th century when the English poet Lord Byron paid Jack the Ripper to take him home in his horse and buggy using a quarter of a groat of opium thus re-rediscovered the Taxi. Jack went on to pioneer the no one can save you now style of cabbie conduct that is still adheared to to this day. The invention of the petrol engine provided a means to bring Taxis finally out of obscurity and firmly into the top ten deadly things on planet earth.

[edit] How To Become a Taxi Driver

• Step one. If you you were born within 150 KM of the area you are planning to drive in, please immigrate to some other place first. Mainly New York.

• Step two. Welcome to wherever the fuck you are. Now blink twice and look around for a taxi and wave at it.

• Step three. Ask him to take you to "The city" (most places near taxis have something they will refer to as a city). Study the driver carefuly along the way and remember this route. It's the only one he uses as it earns the driver more money. So, it could be the only one YOU will use soon enough.

• Step four. Locate the nearest taxi accreditation centre by inquiring of your driver "Hey buddy! Where`d you get your licence?" Try not to sound Canadian.

• Step five. Obtain your licence. This is the easiest part of the whole deal as anyone can get a licence. Scratch that, anyTHING can get a taxi licence by just walking through the door, letting them photograph whatever you plan to shove in the front seat and paying the licence fee. Some depots are known to employ menageries of chimps from laboratories and ex-Russian circus bears.

[edit] London Taxis

London's Black Cabs are frontline troop carriers for the Ministry of Love. On no account should you ever set foot in one unless you want to find out what's in Room 101.