Teddy Bear
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“Sometimes you get the teddy bear and sometimes the teddy bear gets you.”
“Love is black and white until you get attacked by a Teddy Bear.... then it's pink”
“Sometimes I wear a teddy, but mostly I don't.”
“I told him, Ted you can't be driving... it might cause you to hit a bump and spill.
”
~ Patrick Duffy on Teddy Bear
“Osama bin Laden renames one of his sons Paddington bin Laden.”
~ Fox News
“ I bought a Teddy Bear that looks like Lindsay Lohan. It has holes in funny places.”
~ George W Bush on funny holes
“ Gimme back my Teddy Bear god dammit!”
~ 'You' on Teddy Bears
| Teddy Bear | |
|---|---|
| Teddy.jpg | |
| Kingdom | Toy |
| Phylum | None |
| Class | None |
| Order | None |
| Family | oys |
| Genus | None |
| Species | Any kind |
| Binomial Name | Any name |
| Primary Armament | Funness |
| Secondary Armament | Cuteness |
| Power Plant | None |
| HP: | 0 |
| Mana Points: | 0 |
| Strength: | Soft |
| Intelligence: | Funny |
| Weight | 10 ounces |
| Length | 10 inches |
| Special Attack | NONE! |
| Conservation Status | Not Conservered |
Teddy bears are a species of semi-intelligent scavengers closely related to kittens and plecostomi. They have long been considered a mouth watering delicacy in most clawed mammal consuming societies including Northern Korea and several subregions of China including North Korea. In spite of this fact, many parents have been impelled to keep one or more teddy bears stationed snugly in their daughters' dorm rooms in order to clean up after the inevitable carnage resulting from said daughters luring of internet predators via AOL or the internets
Contents |
[edit] Diet
An adult teddy bear, in order to maintain its nauseating level of saccharin sweetness, must consume at least 400 times its body weight in sugar every 4 and a half hours. To do so, a fully matured North American adult teddy would have to consume 300 boxes of children's cereal and/or its equivalent of 4 boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts available year round from 10 yr. old Krispy Kreme salespersons situated at the local Wal-Mart entrance beside the swingsets.
Although heavy use of firebombs have largelly eradicated the teddy bear population in America, they have managed to spread throughout the world. They are especially problematic in that their unholy genetic structures cause them to mutate over time into different, even more sinister forms. See: Furbies, Teletubbies, Henry Kissinger, Great Teddy Bear Takeover.
[edit] Random facts
LIFE SPAN: Typically 15-18 years; some have lived over 30 years
POPULATION: GLOBAL Estimated at 21,500,000,000,000-25,000,000,000,000
FEATURES: Comes in numerous colours, dangerous when provoked, pretends to be speechless among other things
THE FORBIDDEN NAMES: Mohamed, Chuck Norris, Mr T (I pitty the fool that names his Teddy Bear Mr T)
