Teenagers (Animal)
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Teenagers are complex animals that can be found in rural parts of North America, Europe, and Asia. Although social creatures by nature,it is best not to approach a teenager in the wild. In fact, a teenager attack was Steve Irwin's final undoing. However, more docile forms of these creatures may be purchased as pets.
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[edit] Evolution
Teenagers first appeared from stagnant ponds in the prehistoric Era, specifically, the Oligocene Epoch. Their predators and natural enemies included the Adultus Themanus, the Sixtiesus Musicus, and the feared by all Oprahsaurus. They mainly ate meat, however, some eventually evolved into the Goth sub-species and began eating only vegatables. These teenagers began to lack the necessary protein, and became weaker and hid in darkened places conversing on their doubts about the meaningfulness of existence. The later descendants of the goths still show their darkened traits, and can be spotted in today's society of animals by their sluggish and overall lethargic behavior.
Shortly after the Miocene Epoch came to a close, a new sub-species, the Jockus Populairius began to appear, followed shortly after by the Cheerleadus Populairius. Both genders of the Populairius sub-species had excellent mating oppurtunities, which carries on, if not increased, today.
[edit] Teenagers Today
During the 1940s, a new sub-species of teenager was discovered in a petri dish in a science lab of Harvard, Massachusetts. It was named Nerdus Sockswithsandalsus by Professor Steven M. Hughnerd. The Nerdus developed incredibly fast, and it was at evolutionary peak by the 1970s. The main reason it reached its evolutionary peak so quickly is probably because it didn't have much evolving to do. The Nerdus Sockwithsandalsus can mainly be found wandering aimlessly through comic book conventions, science fairs, and Dungeons and Dragons societies. It is always shunned from social interactions with other teenagers and has low mating possibilities, even with other Nerduses.
Teenagers in the present are highly overpopulated. This is a serious problem, as scientists have reported, because they consume valuable resources at a dangerously fast rate. Biologists have made efforts to keep the population in check, by capturing them, and sending them to culling facilities called "High Schools". Parts of Asia and Europe are worried that the teenagers may become contaminated with Avian Flu. Due to lower resources in the educational system in Eastern countries, farmers have resorted to putting the teenagers in sacks and burning them.
[edit] In the Wild
There are a few things that teenagers are defined by:
- Teenagers are extremely territorial. Should their turf, also known as their room or social standing, be threatened, they will viciously maul anything that moves.
- Teenagers need constant social interaction with other teenagers.
- Male teenagers need a large quantity of food and/or sex every hour.
- Female teenagers need to either gossip or spend money every few minutes.
[edit] Safety Around Teenagers
Here are a few important safety tips to remember around teenagers. If you value your life, you will remember them.
- Never handle a teenager. This will result in loss of limbs and vital organs.
- Never let a teenager near your car. It's natural instinct is to completely demolish anything that has four wheels and an engine.
- Should a teenager try to attack you, throw money at it and it will leave you alone.
Categories: Animals | Age
