Tel-Aviv

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Disambiguation: you may be looking for telephone, but then again maybe not

Frequently confused with the city named after it, Tel-Aviv is a slang expression in the Jewish language meaning: Tell Aviv (Aviv is a Mossad agent whose code name is "hapoel beer-sheva yarda lega") so when a dude in intelligence gets some news he shouts:"tel-aviv". Therefore meaning to tell Aviv about something (in most cases about bad arabs and crazy chickens who kidnapped a plane and intend to crash it into ground zero, or New Orleans (what's left of it anyway.)

1 Background
2 General atmosphere
3 Zfonbonim
4 See also

[edit] Background

Tel-Aviv is one of the most neglected, undeveloped ghetto towns of sub-urban Israel. It's named after one of Israel's most famous windsurfers, Kal Ben Gurion, or KBG, as friends used to call him. Interestingly, during the christening ceremony for the city of Tel Aviv (in 1993), one drunk celebrant observed the omnipresence of alleged former KBG agents in the city. They didn't speak Jewish but wore fluorescent colored, skin-tight t-shirts emblazoned with the logo "FORMER KGB".

Ironically, Tel-Aviv is home to many of Israel's rich & famous, people like famous Gigolo Bayge Shohat, poet Yossi Abucsis and Romanian thief Alon Hooter. In 2002 Tel Aviv Mayor, Gil Sasober legalised prostitution and Tel Aviv became the whore capital of the Middle East, the most famous prostitute being Madlen Cohen Gery, who is known for her unlimited energy and affordable prices.

[edit] General atmosphere

Tel-Aviv recently won the award for 'shittiest infrastructure in the world'. It is one of the only remaining cities on Earth that flood after 10 seconds of rain, which makes it one of the 7 natural wonders in the world. This is however not a prominent problem, as rain is not frequently seen. The weather tends to follow the trend of hot humid and hellish, causing the people in the surrounding cities to wear wife-beaters and golden chains. People with these characteristics are often confused with monkeys, and if you encounter one waving his hands about and screaming in an incomprehensable manner just offer him a banana. The weather also contributes to the national mentality of confusion and lethargy, which accompanies the Jewish population on the roads, in the buildings, and in queues at the supermarket.

[edit] Zfonbonim

The typical behaviour of the majority of the population does not apply to everyone. Zfonbonim- Zfon meaning north and bonim meaning chocolate bon-bons one might eat for pleasure, are a supreme section of the population, with the ability to transform their natural hatred and hostile behaviour to snobbery and nose jobs. They will be found on the outskirts of Tel Aviv, in Ramat Aviv, sushi bars, and the leading chain of deodorants, Aroma (which offers 1 billion types of deodorants and a free pen with every 79th purchase).