Telethon
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Originally conceived as a non-stick coating for frying pans, A telethon is now a program on television where guilty people ring up and pledge telephones to raise money for charity.
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[edit] Beginnings
Telethons were started by Alexander the Great who needed to raise money for his Persian campaigns. Unfortunately, seeing how neither the telephone nor television had been invented yet he failed at his quest for funds. Luckily for him, the Persians (modern day Iraqis) were too busy wearing towels around their heads, wearing curly shoes and violating women's rights to fight back.
[edit] The Golden Age of the Telethon
During the middle ages the telethon started to gain more acceptance through cups tied to each end of a piece of string and jesters as viewing material. Henry V used a polystyrene cup tied to each end of a 400 mile long piece of string at the Battle of Agincourt (rumored to have been an 'arrowing" experience) and jesters in court to get money on the way to beating the French into submission. Napoleon also used them against Wellington at the Battle of Waterloo but just like Charles VI of France against Henry V they turned out to be a complete pile of rubbish.
It was only in latter 19th century where Tinky Winky, the gay Tellytubby of Tubby Land conquered the evil, blood thirsty Dipsy and united the Four Whore Houses of Tubby Land that the telethon really came into it's own.
Without knowing it, Tinky Winky had employed a Scottish nutcase called Alexander Graham-Bell to build a contraption that could communicate without wires (an Englishman called Mark-Oni-Wan had tried doing the same but failed). Graham-Bell had some success, most notably with drinking scotch and calling lakes "lochs" but one day he beat up and stole an Italian immigrant's work and started perfecting it as a means of torture. Whilst he was whipping 13 year old boys he suddenly realised that he could hear the cries of the boys through the cable. Tinky Winky was pleased, he could now communicate with his troops and the drafted in Autobots. The penchant of Alexander for crazy snacks gave rise to the name: Graham Crackers.
[edit] Usage Now
With the advent of television in 2233 famous leaders like Ming the Merciless, the Daleks and G-Man from Half Life could use telethons to garner interest from alien races to help defeat earth (which we all know is impossible with Gordon Freeman, Dr Who and Flash Gordon to save us). The IB program also uses telethons to raise funds for their biological weapon, which shall be used to rid the world of people that are less "smart" or anyone with a sense of humour.
