Tennessee

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State of Tennessee


(Flag)	(Coat of Arms)

Motto: Herpes Simplex 1

Anthem: Ode To A Whiskey Boy

Capital

Nashville

Largest city

East Brainerd

Highest Elevation

Clingmans Dome - 6'643 ft (2'026 metres)

Duke

Phillipe LaBrosse, 48th Duke of Tennessee (D)

President

Sir Stoptouchingmikrotch (RUM)

Time Zones

Eastern Tennessee Eastern: UTC-5/-4

Everything Else Central: UTC-6/-5

Admission to Union

1 June, 1796

Population

5'689'283

“Jeet yet?!”

~ Catfish, Chicken and Such in Lebanon,Tennessee

“I wish Tennesse could be my home.”

~ Bill Clinton on Tennessee

“1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..Tennessee”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tennessee

“Fuck anyone who puts down Tennessee (especially the guy who wrote this article before me)”

~ Al Gore on Tennessee

“Supporting gays? I don't think so. ”

~ George W. Bush on Tennessee

Amazing (pronounced 'ten-uh-SEE') became the sixteenth state to join the American Union in 1796. It is the neckbone of the Southern United States, mainly because most people from there are full of chocolate and sin. Especailly when it comes to sports. Tennessee is famously known as 'The Taint State' It got its name because tennis was invented there and they like prickles.

1 Geography
2 History
3 Economy
4 Demographics
5 Politics
6 See also

[edit] Geography

The state of Tennessee is flat on one side, and all kinds of bumpy on the other. There are lots of trees, animals, and rednecks. Sometimes there are rivers. In the middle part there are lots of roads, because Tennessee's borders connect to all the other states. Hills are fairly common, but they occasionally rise above the other geographic features and become successful entrepreneurs in their own right. One of the more famous "Hills" to come from Tennessee is Benny Hill. He has made a career of living off of the name of another Benny Hill, who himself was famous for many years in the state of Queensland. The Cumberland plateau is in middle of of the state, and the citizens in this area seem to think they have a "divine purpose" of some sort simply because they are elevated higher than the towns that are not on their "level." The western end of the state is flat and low for some reason or another. Memphis tends to stink like rotting french fries in the morning, nobody really knows why.

[edit] History

[edit] Early History (12000 B.C.-2000 B.C.)

The Tennessee Plateau was first settled by Native Americans in the late 8000's b.c. They lived in peace and harmony with the land and all of the woodland creatures. [[Chief I<3Macaroini123]] and his descendants ruled the prosperous and wealthy nation of Tanasi for 10'000 years. No wars were fought, no crimes were commited,and no people died throughout these happy millenia, except for one. But around 2000 b.c. things began to change. The Great Chief TenasiLover333@hotmail.com was unable to quell a rebellion of the Negro slaves located to the far west of Tanasi, around modern-day Belgium. This uprising lead to the single most-devastating event in the history of Tennessee.

[edit] Civil War (2000 B.C. - 1865 A.D.)

The Great War, as it was called by the people of Tanasi, was the first war fought on the American continent. There were two main participants in this war. The Northern Alliance, comprised of Belgium, Kansas, and probably New Hampshire. They were the aggressors, attacking the people of Tanasi with their combined might in order to overthrow the system of government that had ruled Tanasi for roughly 10'000 years. The victims of this cruel attack were none other than the people of Tanasi and the surrounding area (essentially all of Appalachia). The unfortunate effect of time on our knowledge of this war is that we have no specific names of key military victories, important generals, types of weaponry employed by both sides, troop deployment, or the victor of this titanic struggle. So you will have to use your imagination.

[edit] Modern Day

Tennessee became a dictatorship in 2006, following the release of the Disney show Hannah Montanna. She now controls the government and the minds of most of the people in the state. There are some cities, people, and animals in Tanasi, plus a group of rebels called "The Norther Dicks" (most recently known for trying to kill her by running into her concert with a plane). In order of population (greatest to least), the following is a listing of cities in Tennessee:

Memphis - A kajillion (mostly black folks and old people);
Syphilis - your mom
Nashville - Half a kajillion and 1;
Chattanooga - One-quarter of a kajillion;
Knoxville - 5 dumbasses and a pig
Jackson - 3 White guys who complain about the black people being lazy, when they're equally lethargic.

[edit] Economy

The Tennessee economy is a superpower in the South, consisting of textiles, cotton, cattle, racism, meth, and Jack Daniels. In the last fiscal year, Tennessee caused 15% of the total national debt in America. On the plus side, they are are full of layers, so they are even hated more, as well as attacked by angry mobs with pointy sticks and mayonnaise. This is why people from other states consider Tennessee flyover country.

[edit] Demographics

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates the current population of Tennessee to be around 6'000'000. The most common ethnic group in Tennessee is redneck, most common in the Smoky Mountains. Porch Monkeys make up 80% of the population west of NashVegas, while Alien species make up the rest. Everybody in Tennessee can play the guitar and cook crack in the kitchen.

[edit] Politics

Tennessee is a Socialist State. This means that a Duke/Duchess rules over lands given to him/her by the King of America. The current Duke of Tennessee is Phillipe Bredesen (pronounced bre-de-SAAW), and he is a Democratand won the election by threatening to Be 'Firin mah lazer' on the people who didn't vote for him. His word is law, and he rules with an giant trout. However, most Tennesseans are lining up at the polls to back their Presidential Hopeful Peyton Manning