Terri Schiavo

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

This article is in a persistent vegetative state

This article is currently in a persistent vegetative state. Please debate its future on its discussion page.

“...”

~ Terri Schiavo

“Terri Schiavo is in a constant vegetative state, but can she see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?”

~ Television on Terry Schiavo

“Oops, I must have been busy attending to the concerns of George W. Bush.”

~ Christian God on Terry Schiavo

“I was totally Schiavo'd last night”

~ Oscar Wilde on Alcohol consumption

An animated .gif of Terri Schiavo's last days.

Schiavo's owner user listens to the Voice from Heaven.

Theresa is often described as having been in a persistent vegetative state. Others protest, stating that beans are properly legumes, and the tomato is a fruit.

Saint Theresa of Schiavo (December 3, 1963 – February 25, 1990 - March 31, 2005) is a saint of the Roman Catholic Church and former Yellow Ranger of Ultra Jesus.

Schiavo, a martyr, was beatified for the miracle of distracting the American public long enough that God's will could be codified as law without anyone raising a fuss about it. Devotees of the sainted Theresa express their devotion by emulating the mortification of the flesh that brought their idol closer to the Lord by placing two fingers down their throats and regurgitating. In this way do they rid themselves of the uncleanness just as Terri did in order to receive the visions of Christ.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Terri Schiavo.

The canonization of Terri of Schiavo is disputed, as it is argued that she is the only one who failed to suffer throughout her earthly trials. Some consider her the first vegetable Popess of the Roman Catholic Church.

Schiavo's last words were reported to be in the form of a redondilla, or Spanish quatrain:

muuuu nuhhadsdf durrr jkaaagh

wooee rhruihyo dhidoh waaaaaagh

waaaaa naaaaaa vaaa voooom

baaaa baaa baaaaaaaa booooom

Soylent Green is made of Terri Schiavo. It is the only meat-based product approved by PETA. It is also of note that she also inspired the 1987 hit song by The Smiths, "Girlfriend In A Coma".

There have been legal debates over the past few years between God Vs. The Dover Pa Board of Education over the teaching of Terri Schiavo in elementary school science classes.

[edit] Hail Terri

Devout Catholics may perform the Hail Terri by laying completely prostrate in bed, articulating AHHHHHHH and then virtually screaming WAAAAAAAA. The Hail Terri is often prescribed to atone for the sin of gluttony.

[edit] Film Adaptations

The story of Terri "the Ragin' Cajun' from Shreveport" Schiavo is a sweet miracle of love. A man who loved his vegetables so much that God was so pleased to make his bowl of salad alive even though only for a while. In the beginning, Schiavo was no more than mere cabbage leaves, who then became capable of talking and walking thanks to God's Supernatural Power.

In the few days when she was sentient, she brought the man happiness and made his life enjoyable. After those days of wonder, she perished, also thanks to God. Her body then provided the man vitamins and fibre with negilible amounts of calories. Amen.

Terri Schiavo's remains are buried in a Food Pyramid.

Terri Schiavo demonstrates the different levels of police awareness brought about by psychotropics.

Terri Schiavo won much critical praise with her television show, "Story Time with Terri Schiavo". Her most famous story was titled "Gaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

[edit] Popular Culture

While Paris Hilton is credited with the catch phrase "That's hot," Terri Shiavo was the inspiration for replacing "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" with "Man, I'm hungrier than Terri Schiavo," as she was starved to death.

[edit] See Also

• Terri Schiavo's Journal -- Excerpts from her journal.
• Pinocchio -- Schiavo's brother. Made of wood and lasts much longer. Amen.
• Virgin Mary sandwich -- Schiavo's heavenly mother. Made of toasted white bread and cheese with a teeth mark. Amen.
• Soylent Green -- You are what you eat. Amen.
• Brain Peppers -- She was good for something after all. Amen.

The factual accuracy of this article is absolutely indisputable.

Who are you going to trust: this uncyclopedia article, or your lying eyes?

   

Featured Article	Featured version: 20 August 2005
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.