Testicles

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“Nevermind them. ”

~ Johnny Rotten on bollocks

Testicles, or stress-relief balls, promote health and happiness, according to Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Testicles are therapeutic devices designed to alleviate emotional stress and anxiety through the application of kinesthetic exercise. They are also known as stress-relief balls.

[edit] Description

Attention customers: Testicles. That is all.

Two squeezable, oval-shaped balls are packaged in close proximity to one another inside a sack, known as the scrotum. Testicles come in a variety of colored pouches, including tan, bronze, chocolate, coffee, brown, black, cornsilk, yellow, pink, red, and blue, but only when an admirer fails to relieve the testicles themselves.

[edit] Instructions for use

To alleviate stress and anxiety, the user manipulates the balls through the silky pouch, rolling them together or in opposite directions, kneading them lightly, or jiggling them. Manufacturers suggest that users resist the impulse to bounce the balls, because they are not made of rubber and could be damaged if too much force is applied to them.

[edit] Uses and benefits

Testicles are endorsed by many physicians, health organizations, and fitness centers as an ideal product for the release of stress, and users also express satisfaction with the item.

“They're great! I don't know how I ever got through the day without a pair of testicles to play with!”

~ Tom Cruise

“Rubbing my testicles makes me feel good all over my vagina.”

~ John Travolta

“Whenever I feel stressed out at work, I take a break, not for coffee, but for a testicles workout. Soon after, I feel like a million bucks.”

~ Donald Trump

“I wish I had a pair to squeeze.”

~ Sarah Michelle Gellar

Doctors also say that testicles are effective in the treatment of arthritis, nerve-related diseases, gout, and depression. "Manipulating a pair of testicles generally has a pleasant, even a potentially euphoric effect, which can result in tranquil, relaxed feelings," Dr. Laura Schlessinger declares. "I play with a pair of them every day, after I get home from the office."

Many users also report finding relief from pain as a result of flexing the testicles between their thumbs and fingers. "A five-finger massage is generally the best approach," Dr. Schlessinger advises.

[edit] Games to Play with Testicles

Heres some fun games to play with testicles!

Game 1

Step 1: Get 10+ guys and find a dark area

Step 2: Get naked and put fluorescent paint on testicles

Step 3: Run around this dark area trying to maim other guys testicles while safeguarding your own

Tip: Bring a weapon(see below for best choices) just in case things get a bit rough.

Game 2

Step 1: Get a bucket of cold water

Step 2: Find a very cold pole

Step 3: Saturate testicles in cold water

Step 4: Touch wet, cold, testicles against the very cold pole

Tip: Bring friends who like to abuse you for hours of fun!

[edit] Commonly known as

Testic