Thais
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[edit] What is a Thais?
The Thais is probably the most feared, disgusting creature to ever walk/levitate on this planet. The Thais is indigenous to Venezuela, but they are also known to roam through the womb of Paris Hilton. Consisting of nothing but Ben Affleck's left leg and several bottles of Tequila, the Thais is known to feed on small children while they are playing hopscotch. The Thais also dually functions as a spatula. The Thais is nocturnal, so their feeding takes place at night only. Only 3 Thais sightings are documented. These sightings include the following:
1. Directly following the pregnancy of Nan King, in China (11:30 Mt. time as of yesterday)
2. When George W. Bush spoke his first real words (note that this arguably has not yet happened and will continue to be debated over at IHOP and many other uptown breakfast joints for years to come)
3. When That One Guy hit the wall (quite literally) after eleven lethal doses of heroin/one listening session of Barbara Streisand.
[edit] Feeding habits
The Thais will usually feed quickly and voraciously, striking without warning. If the prey tries to avoid the Thais, it shoots its deadly saliva, which is laced with arsenic. This disables the prey to the extent that it loses its nipples. The Thais then will let out an anguished cry of "Epa! Epa! Epa!" before closing in for the kill. Once a Thais has captured its prey, it tucks it into its pouch, to eat later.
[edit] What to do with a Thais
If you see a Thais, the best thing you can do is to urinate on it. Urine causes the Thais to break out in hives and epileptic fits, eventually leading to its self-destruction. If you cannot urinate on the Thais, your best alternative is to dig foxholes for Condoleezza Rice to hide in. This will cause the Thais to do La Bamba until it is exhausted.
