The Bright And Shiny Cult
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“I did not gigoogidy their geshmoity!”
~ Bill Clinton on Bright and Shiny Cult
“They've got a lot of sand in their vaginas”
~ Alot of people on Bright and Shiny Cult
“They are the cornerstone example of what has gone totally wrong with my fanclub.”
~ God on Bright and Shiny Cult
“Many have wondered upon the destructive power teenage girls can have on the mind. But only I know the Horrible Truth!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bright and Shiny Cult
A cult of seemingly normal people who often hold slapfights for their initiation traditions. They speak 1337 and can often be seen in groups of six or seven girls all with cellphones and bibles. Often they judge other individuals saying that they will go to Hell if they're naughty and dont follow the bible to the freakin tee.
Contents |
[edit] Origins
The Bright and Shiny Cult was originally called the Happy Bliss Club of America, and was an offshoot of the German American Bund, which was established in 1915. The Club was established as a response to the inability of the Bund to utilize traditional strong-arm methods in America. Their purpose was to find Scripture supporting the Nazi ideals, and dispense this to the American public. They were comprised of teenage girls who didn't have any cooking or cleaning to do (how barbaric!), and had plenty of cell phone minutes. Because of the lack of the invention of modern electronics, their cell phones ran on happy thoughts. During World War Two, they distanced themselves from Nazi ideology, and instead focused on dispensing Christian goodness in the form of nagging, blows to the groin, and incessant chattering.
[edit] The Splinter Period
During the akward transition period from Nazi to Christian ideology, The Happy Bliss Club experienced an equally akward splintering of their ranks. Roughly a third of the girls formed the modern Bright and Shiny Cult, while one third formed the Eternal Perky club of Tomorrow. The remaining third hit puberty, and began to wear make up and think about boys. We know this splinter group today as whores. In the beginning, the Perky Club and the Shiny Cult co-existed peacefully, but after Sarah told Jenny that Tessa was a slut, all bets were off. A show-down at the mall was inevitable, and the girls drew battle lines. After the vicious slap-fight, only the Bright and Shiny Cult remained without ugly red hand marks on their cheeks. The heir to the Happy Bliss Club was clear.
[edit] Results
After the dust cleared and the girls realized what had transpired, it dawned on them that they had completely cornered the teenage bitch category. A monopoly never before seen was of their doing, and they began immedietely to consolidate their hold on the mall. It's believed that they'll be there for a really long time, as they've ignored repeated requests by their mothers to come home. Their moms appear to be very worried too.
