The Church of Duck
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“For freedom, for honour, for ducks!”
~ Charlie Gander
The Church of Duck is a separate faith from Duckism. Followers of The Church of Duck believe that all ducks are divine and shall one day rule the world. It was founded in 1765 during The Great Duck War. Technically the church of Duck isn't really a church, it's actually a religon, but as the co-founder of the Church put it:
“We were gonna call it Duckism, but those Duckist bastards stole that name from us before we could make it up.”
~ Connor Hogan
The current leaders of the Church are Cormac Brannigan and Connor Hogan (who also founded the church in 1765), who were reincarnated by the church of duck leader of that time Bob Kudky in 2006, and have been ruling ever since.
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[edit] How was the Church of Duck founded?
The Church of Duck was founded by Cormac Brannigan and Connor Hogan in 1765, during the roughest years of The Great Duck War, when believers in Duckism were shipped off to Duckistan, to escape from the deadly Robot Nazis who were attacking anyone who believed in the faith. Both co-founders now say that they didn't really believe in Duckism, in fact they now agree that it's a load of bollucks, they just wanted a holiday from the evil robot Nazis, and everyone knows that Duckistan is a nice and sunny place, even though it's poor.
Once they landed in Duckistan and went to the refugee camps, they learnt of the ways of Duckism. They refused to have duck feet attatched to their necks, as is the Duckist tradition, when they refused, they got the livin' shite bayt out of them, and that really pissed them off. So, in secret, they created the Church of Duck, and under the cover of night, they collected followers and converted them. Soon, they were getting a lot of followers, so they decided it was time to build the first Church of the Church of Duck. But to build the first church they needed two things, one: somewhere secret to have their church, so as the Duckists could not find it and bayt the livin' shite out of them again, and a duck. The Church of Duck believes that for any building to be worthy of Churchism, it has to be home to at least one duck, the more ducks though, the holier. The Great Cathedral of the Duck in Ducksberg is the largest Church of duck in the world, and is home to over two-thousand ducks. So Brannigan and Hogan needed a building and a duck. To find the building, they decided that they were going to have to leave the refugee camp, so in the dead of night, them and there 200 odd followers sneaked out of the cmap, to Ducksberg, capital of Duckistan, to find a suitable building. On the very outskirts of Ducksberg, they found an old abandoned warehouse. They ignored this, and kept searching for a suitable building.
[edit] The First Church of the Church of Duck
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Eventually, they found a suitable building; it was an old warehouse, just down the road from the one that wasn't suitable. They spring cleaned it and soon it was a proper building, two storeys, with good sanitation, water and food supplies. For a while the followers lived in this building, until finally Brannigan and Hogan decided it was at last time to find a duck, so as to make the building a valid church. So, they sent three dedicated Church followers, who have now been given the title of The Three Saviours of the Duck, to steal a duck. They sneaked in at the dead of night, and as they were looking about the camp for a duck, they were spotted by a Duckist scout. They were attacked, and only one of them survived, while the other two got the livin' shite bayt out of them (as is the duckist tradition for betrayers). To this day no-one knows the name of this man, but he got the duck and brought it back to the warehouse. He was pronounced as the first Church of Duck preist the next day, and conducted the necessary ceremony to upgrade the building into a church.
He did, and now the Church of Duck was an established religion. Today, that church is now The Great Cathedral of the Duck.
[edit] The Battle of the Refugees
The Battle of the Refugees was a battle that occurred in August 1765, when the The Great Cathedral of the Duck began to become a serious church, serious enough even to threaten Duckism, who could not afford to spare troops, as they were still fighting in The Great Duck War. After they had bayt the livin' shite out of them, the Duckists killed the two members of the Church who had attempted to steal their ducks. This enraged the Church of Duck, which now consisted of over 1800 members, 23 preists and 8 nuns, as well as 12 precious ducks. They soon built up an army. A month after the murder of the two saviours, the Church now had a 2150 strong army, while the refugee camp had 450 soldiers, most of whom had not even been trained. On the 24th of July, 1765, the Church of Duck's army set off to attack the Duckist refugee camp. It was a crushing defeat, with all of the 450 soldiers were killed, including Frank Jhonson, who had won the annual Duckism Pool 12 times, a record that has not been beatin to this day. Of the 2345 refugees, 1875 were killed, and 470 were converted to the Church of Duck. The Church had suffered minor injuries, 36 soldiers were wounded, while only two were killed. With the destruction of the giant refugee camp, the Duckists had no-where to put their beleivers, for this reason they lost The Great Duck War , allowing the Robot Nazis to nearly totally destroy their faith. The Church of Duck had made it's first enemy. For centuries Duckism only existed on the small remote island of Kragen, and during the 2006 census only had only 67 beleivers.
But then in January 2007 membership became over 500 with Seán Fearon and Niall McCann's Ballyduck Rebellion.
So now, as a result of the Battle of the Refugees, the Church of Duck virtually destroyed Duckism.
[edit] Enemies of the Church
Today the church has many enemies, one is of course, the Duckism of Kragen, though the Church does not see this as a threat. Another enemy is of course Duck Hunters, as killing a duck is a deadly sin, and is punishable by death. Another enemy is the Chinese, due to their compulsive eating of the sacred "Peking Duck".
But the most deadly enemy of the Church of Duck is of course Pat O'Neill, who is a duck hunter and eater! He also speaks French, which the church of Duck find very distatseful. Pat O'Neil is definitely the biggest threat to the Church as it stands today, but the present leaders Hogan and Brannigan have agreed with Pat that violence is not the answer, and are currently trying to talk things out with him politically. But, if all else fails, they must kill him.
[edit] Allies of the Church
Today the church has few allies. It has allied with the Robot Nazis, who wiped out duckism in 1765. It has also allied with Justin Timberlake, who is a key enemy to Duckism, and now Justin is a part time preist for the church of duck.
[edit] The Church of Duck Today
Today the Church of Duck is one of the major religons in the world. The Church of Duck capital is of course Ducksberg, capital of Duckistan. The biggest duck church is again of course The Great Cathedral of the Duck in Ducksberg. Other major Church of Duck churches are located round the world, including in Ballyduck (South Armagh, Ireland) Duckshire (Yorkshire, England) Duckington (Utah, U.S.A) and Rio Duckenéro (Brazil). It has over three million followers and is growing into one of the biggest religons in the world today.
