The Count
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[edit] Early Years
Count A. Vladda Numberz Basie, better known as "The Count" (short for accountant?) was born in Monte Cristo Sandwich, Monaco in to a mathematician father and vampire mother in the year - 1,2,3,4, ... etc. ... 748, 749, (KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! - 749 wonderful years since the dubiously speculated year of birth of Christ. His parents, ringleaders in Monte Cristo Sandwich underground blood trading, were murdered by Satan when The Count was only - 1,2,3,4, (KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! - four horribly short years before lost innocence old. This is when his OCD was first documented.
After many years of attending Monte Cristo Sandwich Business University, he became a professional blackjack player at the world famous Monte Cristo Sandwich casino where he was able to count cards in games with up to 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 (KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! eight wonderful decks. This continued until the casino's owner, Prince Rainier, hired 1,2,3,4,5 (KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! - five enormous thugs to keep the card-counting menace away.
[edit] Time on Sesame Street
Later, Basie was decorated as a Count by Oscar the Smelly of Trashylvania, and subsequently moved to Sesame Street. There he met up with Big Bird and Kermit the Frog.
They started The Count on methamphetamines, which allowed him to stay up - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, 12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24 (KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! twenty four wonderful hours a day, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 (KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! - seven wonderful days a week. With the use of an extremely strong sun block (hence the pale complexion), The Count was able to stay up all day for filming and drug distributing. Later, The Count met the kingpin of Sesame Street, Snuffleupagus and he was hired as a hit man and accountant.
Fiendish and ruthless, The Count was feared by all who dared to speak his name or could count.
The Count was finally captured by the SatanDisk corporation in - 1,2,3 ... oh hell, I won't even pretend to count to 1996 (but The Count would actually do it). at The Battle of The Letter P, where he was ambushed by the number 20 in his own bedroom. He was executed the day after, but was revived by Big Bird by a cocktail of methamphetamines, DMT, acid, shrooms, and salvia. He now lives in seclusion in Sesame Lane, 1 million, 2 million, 3 million, 4 million, 5 million, 6 million, 7 million, 8 million, 9 million, 10 million, 11 million, 12 million, 13 million, 14 million, 15 million, 16 million, 17 million, 18 million, 19 million, 20 million, 21 million, 22 million, 23 million, 24 million(KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! twenty four million wonderful miles from Sesame Street.
For a period of time, he'd feed on kangaroos. Why? "'Because they taste wonderful, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
He also likes to suck your blood. Being a vampire and all, you know.
[edit] Pedophilia Claims
The Count was sentenced for 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, 12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26, 27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40 (KA-BOOM!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! forty horrible years imprisonment for supposedly abusing kids. One of his victims said He looked at me and I got scared so I told mummy. The Count then claimed in court that he would never be a pedophile saying that was Big Bird's job. This set of an extraordinary next few months as the police closed down Sesame Street trying to search for evidence, while in fact a huge pedophile ring was in working their midst. Big Bird was sentenced to life in prison as the ring leader of these atrocious crimes. Elmo, The Cookie Monster, that big brown elephant thing, Ernie and Bert and Oscar the Grouch were all to sent to prison for (don't need to count it, it doesn't involve The Count) 30 years for their roles. Kermit the Frog was however found not guilty as he said our pedophile ring is in The Muppet Show studio. The court case will start early next year.
[edit] The Epic Battle against Count von Count
- Dawn battled the Count in one of the Pokemon Episodes. This was because count was busy killing innocent pokemon. Piplup surprisingly did the Count in due to the Count's freak accident when a Steelix swatted him to the ground, splintering his ribcage.
[edit] See also
Categories: Articles to fix | Television | Undead | Muppets | Vampires
