The Devil's Rejects

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The Devil's Rejects are a trio of psycho killers who started a long legal battle in the late 70's against the King of Darkness.

[edit] History

The group now known as The Devil's Rejects has a colorful (but not too colorful) history. The most famous member of the group, known as Captain "Cutter" Spaulding was a famous fried-chicken enthusiast and is responsible for the creation of the popular fast food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken. The other two rejects, Otis and Baby, were actually a traveling troupe of acrobats known as the "Incredible Flying Colons", for unknown reasons. When the three were arrested for tax evasion and kitten laundering in 1976 by Sheriff John "FUCK GROUCHO!" Wydell. After this, the three went berserk and killed random travelers as well as Anna Nicole Smith and Count Chocula.

[edit] Death

When the three were found out, they tried to blame Satan. Satan did not appreciate this as he had not possessed a human being (other than Fidel Castro) in several years. The Three were then massacred at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert during "Freebird".

[edit] Rejection

When the three made the trip to Hell's Gate, they were rejected entry. When the three complained, they were referred to Hell's customer support line (1-800-666-6969). They reportedly waited three hours for a "friendly demonic representative". They finally hung up and requested to see the Dark Lord himself. He called them on the Hell hotline and explained to them that he was currently in a war against Glenn Danzig and The Saint of Random Easter Eggs. He then clarified that he would not allow them access to Hell due to the fact that they were "Too Fuckin' Evil".

[edit] Court Case

After this event, the three filed a class action suit against Satan claiming that "rejection of eternal damnation was a violation of laws against discrimination" (the sentence in quotes was later made into a catchy Rob Zombie song). They hired reputable lawyer George Carlin to persecute the Great Beast. Satan, in his defense, hired a group of demonic attourneys as well as a homeless man from Washington, D.C. named Joe. The case was presided over by Judge Judy (who became a real judge by guessing the capital of Venezuela), who had taken a great interest in the Devil's Rejects. And so began the court case.

[edit] Devil's Rejects v. Satan and Board of Demonic Advisers and homeless man from Washington D. C. named Joe

When the case started, it's name was shortened by majority vote, to

[edit] Devil's Rejects v. Satan and Board of Demonic Advisers

The Devil's Rejects' lawyer George Carlin stated that

• Racial prejudice was present in Satan's decision
• That Satan was an incompetent purveyor of misery and darkness
• That KFC is definitley better than Wendy's
• That The Devil's Rejects deserved three free daypasses to SatanLand, $3,000,000, and a chance to shove a running chainsaw up Jack Thompson's ass.

Satan and his Board of Demonic Advisers stated that

• There was no racial prejudice in the decision
• That Satan could easily kick their asses
• That Satan reserved the right to reject anyone entry to Hell
• that KFC was definitley better than Wendy's
• and that The Devil's Rejects should go fuck themselves after taking his name out of their group name.

[edit] Court Decision

The jury had leaned towards Satan at the beginning of the trial, but after hearing stories from the Rejects about their childhood and how Tiny had fucked a stump, the jury backed up the Rejects, allowing them to win the case. Satan was pissed.