The Divine Cookbook
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The Divine Cookbook, written by The Baker in approximately 18,012 BC is the foundational document and fundamental truth and scriptural basis of The Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc. Despite being the oldest known page bound book in history, its existence was almost completely unknown the world for almost 20,000 years. The book was just recently discovered by Australian student and Alchemist Bernard Joseph Quill at 3.42pm on the 24th of November 2005. Quill quickly set to work translating the book from its completely unknown language, known only as Bakerian, using a golden spatula and silver whisk which were, amazingly, both discovered with the book in Quill's own backshed. The book was published in its current form in March 15th 2000 and it was hailed an immediate success with top critical reviews and mass economic success. Ever the entrepreneur, Quill was quick to capitalise on this success by releasing a Manifesto, comprising of an in depth interpretation of the Cookbook, and the doctrine of beliefs and practices of the newly establishing Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc. Over the passing months following these releases various other doctrines and sequels have been released, such as 'Reflections on Irony' another book written by the Baker some 16,000 years ago amazingly also found by Quill, though this time in his ceiling, also 'The Gospel of Cheesecake' by Quill and Chef Byron, and man others written by various theologians of the Cheesecake faith.
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[edit] What People are saying about The Divine Cookbook
"It [The Divine Cookbook] has, with its revelations, not only captivated me, but changed my outlook and gave me after a lifelong search the conviction of having, at last, found the Truth." Pope John Paul II, just moments before his very ugly, mysterious death.
[edit] History of the Divine Cookbook
This major event in the world's history when The Baker finally translated The Divine Cookbook. In 18,012 BC, (some century after the creation of the Ultimate Cheesecake) The Baker used the newly bestowed powers of literacy to translate the Ultimate Cheesecake Recipe. Being the first page bound text in history, it was secretly held in the possession of the Baker for some 14 000 years, who lived on a spiritual plane above our own. Following the disappearance of the Baker simultaneous with the destruction of the Ultimate Cheesecake in the 14th century the book was seemingly lost, before being uncovered by the Piemaker’s Guild some 30 decades later. Following a massive rift in the diarchy of the guild, Chairman, Kind Hubert Raghet split with the guild in the 17th century, taking the Cookbook with him. The Cookbook remained the secret possession of the Raghet House for three generations, until the riot of 1715 in region of Guernica, the locals overthrew the Raghet's whom had become despotic rulers, following the crowning of the Greedy Kind Bob VI. The Castle of the Raghent dynasty was burnt down, and the Cookbook seemed lost to history, until it was miraculously found by Bernie Quill in his backyard shed, in late 2005. Unfortunately the original recipe was removed from the book in the 14th century by the Guild. The recipe was a text so dangerous and highly valued that it is thought to still held deep in the heart of the underground city of cream. This place is the still unknown sovereign kingdom of the Piemaker’s Guild, who are holding the Recipe safe so that it does not fall into the wrong hands and destroy the universe, as it so nearly did in 1345. Below is a modern attempt by the High Priest Chefs in the Church to recreate the original Recipe of the Ultimate Cheesecake of Salvation, based directly on notes regarding the cheesecake creation which still remain intact within The Divine Cookbook.
[edit] Ingredients
- 1 Honey Grahams, crushed (about 3 Tbsp.), divided
- 2/3 cup boiling water
- 1 pkg. (4-serving size) Jello Brand Lemon Flavor Sugar Free Low Calorie Gelatin
- 1 cup Low Fat Cottage Cheese
- 1 container (8 oz.) Fat Free Cream Cheese
- 2 cups thawed Whipped Topping
[edit] Preparation
Sprinkle 1/2 of the crumbs onto side of 8- or 9-inch springform pan or 9-inch pie plate sprayed with no stick cooking spray.
Stir boiling water into gelatine in large bowl at least 2 minutes until completely dissolved. Cool 5 minutes. Pour into blender container. Add cheeses; cover. Blend on medium speed until smooth, occasionally scraping down side of bowl.
Pour into large bowl. Gently stir in whipped topping. Pour into prepared pan; smooth top. Sprinkle remaining crumbs around outside edge.
Refrigerate 4 hours or until set. Remove side of pan just before serving. Store leftover cheesecake in refrigerator.
[edit] References
[edit] See also
- Ironic Cheesecake Texts and Scripture
- The Divine Cookbook - by The Baker
The Manifesto of the Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc written by Bernie Quill and Chef Byron in early 2006
- The Manifesto of the Church of the Ironic Cheesecake.Inc - by Bernie Quill and Chef Byron
- Treatise on Irony in a Religious Dairy Context - compiled by High Priest Bob
- The Gospel of the Ironic Cheesecake - by Bernie Quill
- Cookbook of The Ironic Cheesecake
- Baking a Theology, Five Easy Steps to Salvation
- The Book of Ingredients
- The Book of Inconsistencies
- The Book of Life Death and the Superfluous Cake In Between
- The Divine Cookbook - by The Baker
