The Doors
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Not to be confused with The Windows
“I asked The Doors about their name once...As you can see, I am dead.”
~ Johnny Carson on The Doors
“Father, I want to FUCK YOU! errr.. wait a minute.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Doors
The Doors were a group of acid eaters who also happened to play music. Originally from L'America, they would trade some beads for a pint of gold. Jim Morrison (a.k.a. Mr. Mojo Risin (a.k.a. The Lizard King (a.k.a. Erotic Politician (a.k.a Jim Morrison)))) was the head of the group, and the one who 97% of the population can remember. While nobody is quite sure, it's widely believed that Ray Manzarek was the organist, Robby Krieger played the guitar, and John Densmore bitched a lot (plus played a little drums). The group's legacy is carried on by a large number of insane fans, the majority of whom don't realize their a band, they just worship Jim Morrison.
Contents |
[edit] History
[edit] Formation
The mystique that was The Doors began in 1947, when 5 year old Morrison witnessed a car driven by an 8 year old Manzarek collide with a van full of Injuns, scattering them on dawn's highway, bleeding. According to Morrison, he then went home, and after his nap time, wrote an epic poem about the incident. That would seem to be the last of it, until 1965, when in a freak accident, Manzarek encountered Morrison in Venice, Italy. Manzarek had been fishing, and Morrison, who had eaten so much Peyote he believed he was a fish, became entangled in Manzarek's fishing line. After realizing that people are strange, the couple took a moonlight drive to the next whiskey bar, where Morrison recited some of his poetry. It was here that the two decided to start a band, which they would name The Windows. However, realizing that this name had been copyrighted by a young calculator builder named Bill Gates, they changed the name to The Doors. Jim and Ray hopped into his crystal ship, and headed down to the Hyacinth house, where they witnessed two homeless youths fighting over a half eaten corn dog. Feeling sorry for them, the two youths, Robby Krieger and John Densmore were allowed to join the band.
[edit] Pam
Later in that Indian summer, Jim Morrison met a twentieth century fox named Pamela Courson. His first words to Pam, an L.A. woman, were "Hello, I Love You". They returned to her home on nearby Love Street, where Morrison proceeded to love her madly. After a night of crawling king snake, Pam decided she and Morrison were meant to be together. Jim later joked "Pam, you're going to be the death of me" before going off to take a bath.
[edit] The First Album
By 1966, the group had grown tired of circle-jerking in Ray Manzarek's garage, and decided to go and play their very first gigs. However, 15 minutes before their first performance at the London Fog club, Densmore pointed out that none of them knew how to play anything. So, they decided to do what every other musical group at the time was doing - drugs. Hundreds of sheets of blotter were eaten, dozens of kittens huffed, joint upon joint was rolled until it was enough to make Timothy Leary disgusted. The group stumbled on stage, Manzarek flopping down in front of a keyboard, Densmore falling over a drumset, Krieger threw up all over a guitar, and Morrison began screaming at the audience about lighting fires and soul kitchens. The audience loved it so much that later that year, the group cut a deal with Elektra Records to make their first album, The Doors (The title having nothing to do with the band itself).
[edit] Cuban Missle Crisis Incident
The Doors' career was nearly sidelined permanently when Jamers (a nickname by which the press often referred to Morrison) was detained, tried and briefly executed in 1669 by Ian Astbury, self-appointed world cheese-wiener, for allegedly asking Fidel Castro and a group of little bitch-ass-kiss-ups if they would like to see him install his missile in Castro's wife's tight fist.
Sir Jambly Boo (a mystical name by which Morrison was known at that point), due to the intense publicity caused by this incident, and the hanging, embarked on the final journey of his career, and authored an as of yet unreleased and uncontroversial propaganda piece denying that 6,000,000 French fries had gone uncooked due to a strike by fastfood workers. Densmore would ruefully reminisce in interviews after Morrison's death that when he tried to read a private copy that Morrison had sent him, he found it impossible to finish, being emotionally traumatized by the death of his bandmate and finding it hard even to turn to the next page. Densmore was forced years later in court to admit that he had actually been trying to read a February 1961 copy of Jugs magazine that he had found in the restroom of a bowling alley in North Hollywood but couldn't turn the pages because they were stuck together.
The Cuban and French incidents only hastened "The End" of the tour de force masturbation juggernaut that began so innocently when Morrison and school chum Barbara Mandrell met accidentally while singing drunkenly to a pod of smelly beached whales.
[edit] Discography
- The Doors
- Burn on Through (Into My Backside) (Krieger)
- Spirit Diner (Morrissey)
- The Burning Clit (Krieger)
- Twenty First Century Fox (Manzarek)
- Sweet Home Alabama (purloined from Lynrd Skynrd)
- Bite my Wire (Krieger)
- Front Door Lady (Morrissey)
- You Stared At Me (Densmore)
- Morning (Morrissey)
- Burn it as it Comes (Krieger)
- The Start (Morrissey)
- Odd Evenings
- Odd Evenings (Manzarek)
- You're Home, Little Boy (Morrison)
- Hate me Three Times (Densmore)
- Happy Boy (Morrison)
- Llama Longitudes (Morrison)
- Firelight Drive (Krieger)
- People are Odd (Morrison)
- Your Eyes Have Seen me (Manzarek)
- I Can't Seem to Make Out Your Features in my Head (Manzarek)
- We want the world...now (Morrison)
- Loitering for a Ball of Incandescent Gas
- Goodbye, I Hate You (Densmore)
- Casual dislike Boulevard (Morrison)
- Not to Nudge The Moon (Morrison)
- Winters Almost Here (Manzarek)
- Summertime Bar fights (Manzarek)
- The Identified Fighter (Morrison)
- French Station Wagon (Morrison)
- My Sweet lord (Harrison)
- We Could be So Great Together! (Densmore)
- Yes, The River Blows (Kriger)
- Nine to Five (Parton)
- The Boistrous Procession
- For the Love of God! Don't Tell Anyone! (Densmore)
- Keep Your Hands to Yourself (Morrison)
- Medicine Man's Medley (Manzarek)
- Don't Do it! (Densmore)
- Easy Stroll (Manzarek)
- Wild Fire (Krieger)
- Burnin Red (Krieger)
- Wishful, Flammable (Krieger)
- The Boistrous Procession (Morrison)
- Morrison Hostel
- Townhouse Blues (Morrison)
- Loitering for the Ball of Incandescent Gas (Krieger)
- I Make You Artificial (Manzarek)
- War Toad (Morrison)
- Red Monday (Densmore)
- Boat of Einsteins (Morrison)
- Sea Ho! (Morrison)
- The Mole (Manzarek)
- King of the Byway (Manzarek)
- Burning Summer (Krieger)
- Sally Simpson (Townshend)
- Cinncinati Man
- The Purebred (Morrison)
- Hate Him Sanely (Densmore)
- Been up so Shortly (Manzarek)
- Trannies Growl by My Door (Manzarek)
- San Francisco Lady (Morrison)
- L'Canada (Densmore)
- Bromiliad Brothel (Morrison)
- Slithering Queen Cobra (A hooker, apparently)
- The BEE (Massachusetts Radio and the Beet Crops)(Morrison and Densmore)
- Surfers on the Tsunami (Manzarek)
- Jolly What?
- The Joys of a Reptilian Brain (Morrison)
- Jolly What? (Manson)
- I didn't NOT do drugs (Jackson)
- I AM The Sandwich (Jackson)
- Good Golly, Miss Molly (Hendrix)
- I Ate Them (Morrison)
- The Artist Formerly Known As Love (Colbert)
- Sticks Float? (Wood)
- L'Canada (Slight Return) (Hendr- Jackson)
- Maraca's or Tambourines... (I Can't Remember)
All subsequent albums did not include Jim Morrison and therefore are not worth mentioning.
