The Great Music Blandening
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The Great Music Blandening is a crusade by record company executives to homogenise all music. Its current incarnation began around 1992.
The Great Music Blandening is believed to use several strategies:
1. Combining different genres of music, but using only the weakest elements of each genre. One example is to combine the lack-lustre lyrics of a pop rock song with the repetitive sampled arrangements of a hip-hop tune.
2. Electronically blandening the sounds of the individual elements of each album. One ingenious method has been to have the singer sing his or her vocals into an ordinary telephone. The resulting tinny, lo-fidelity sound is picked up by a miked telephone receiver in the recording studio. The same technique is often used by the drummer and/or drum machine. As of 2005 this effect has found its way into more than half of all songs that reach the top 20.
3. A further strategy is to erase the collective memory of pre-blandening-era music by first, relegating these songs to retro stations and compilations -- which actually only use a handful of these songs over and over again, and second, to have new bands record uninspired, half-hearted cover versions of these songs using the above techniques. Receiving copious airplay, the cover versions eventually entirely supersede the original versions.
The ultimate objective of the blandening is to eliminate the outdated concept of 'talent', thus lowering resistance to the eventual replacement of human artists with robot drones that generate revenue exclusively for the record companies. As the plan progresses, several prototypes have been rolled out for trial on an unsuspecting public. So far these trials have met with limited success, as when the droids malfunction they become even greater wastes of space and resources than their human equivalents. (see Britney Spears)
Speaking on condition of anonymity, one record company executive described the eventual product of The Great Music Blandening as "the sound of a boot stamping on a human face - forever."
