The Great Possum Badger War

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Since before man ruled, Possums and Badgers have been far from allies. The exact reason for the war is unknown, as we've only discovered 6 out of 23 tablets that tell the tale

[edit] The Tablets

This epic war is inscribed into 23 tablets of stone, with gold lettering. The only tablets recovered as of July 10, 2007, are 6, 7, 14, and 22. Scholars and researchers are currently translating these ancient scribes. More information will be given as it is uncovered. Tablet 1 and 13 has just been discovered!

Tablet 1- Tablet one tells of the great Possum Badger victory! Using witchcraft and wizardry of sorts, they summoned a meteor to destroy the dinosaurs. With only the two great races standing, they quickly turned on each other in a gigantic bid for power.

Tablet 2- Using vastly superior strength and intellect, the Badgers quickly take the upper hand in the opening skirmishes. The fact that in battle all Possums lie down and pretend to die like the little bitch boys they are probably is just coincidental, and has nothing to do with the ease of Badger victories. Probably.

Tablet 3-unknown

Tablet 4-unknown

Tablet 5-unknown

Tablet 6-recovered, currently being studied. It appears that a deal with the devil was made with the possums, and this is where things start picking up for the possums. Also, the state of "Megadeath" in badgers is described as a form extreme power in badgers after they die in a heroic manner.

Tablet 7-recovered, partially translated. Parts tell of the Possums Pirates pillaging and looting badger strongholds along the coast of St. Mustaine Province. In retaliation, Badgers hired Ninja Chipmunk Mercinaries to quelch the threat. This is believed by many to be the start of the Great Pirate-Ninja Conflict.

Tablet 8-unknown

Tablet 9-unknown

Tablet 10-unknown

Tablet 11-unknown

Tablet 12-unknown

Tablet 13- A rogue creature, not classified as either Possum or Badger appears. Scholars dictate said creature went on a giant murdering spree, not discriminating between Possum, Badger, man, woman, or child...or blacks. The Badgers infiltrated the creature's mother's lair and delivered some indiscriminate justice. Possums were also en route, and the battle of Jasicrackia ensued. The creature, outraged at the loss of it's mother also proceeded to kick ass. Heavy casualties on both sides, there was no real victor. The monster, at a loss without it's mother was drowned by the Badgers.

Tablet 14-unknown

Tablet 15-unknown

Tablet 16-unknown

Tablet 17-unknown

Tablet 18-unknown

Tablet 19-Jennifer Aniston is hot stuff and every badger wants to pillage her.

Tablet 20-unknown

Tablet 21-unknown

Tablet 22-recovered, some sentences have been translated, and a rough idea of a leader has been formulated. His name is believed to be Saulament Rockxus and is the king of the possums. His war name is simply "Slash", due to his skills with bladed weapons. He was couragous and powerful, and treated his troops well. He sold his soul to Satan, to become far more powerful. His large, hulking form has been dubbed "el Possumo Diablo Grande" by those who discovered this tablet. In this form, it appears he defeats the badger leader in a duel with items believed to be ancient guitars, in the shapes of a B.C. Rich Mockingbird and a Dean Razorback.

Tablet 23-unknown