Isle of Man
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“Hope he stays the hell away from the Virgin Islands. They're mine.”
~ Cyprus on Isle of Man
“No Man is an Island”
~ John Donne No Research
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| Motto: "traa di liooar" (trans.: "In apathy we.. ah, forget it!") | |||||
| Population | Vikings-2,345
Druids-3,247 Alcoholics-80,058 Manx SAS Its an elite force of alcoholics who drink pure ethanol and smoke anything they find. They will destroy your breweries if the supply of delicious booze does not satsify their daily need of 261 gallons.They are centered a t the telephone box at creggnesh. No-one can join them your are born into the role and once you have become one you can never leave or else they will send at the mighty david Cannan to reclaim your life for a greater use. Mages-8,452 Felinoids-1,544 | ||||
| Area | 24.7sq Kilometers | ||||
| Form of Government | "Democracy, and we thought of it first, after the Greeks, that is" | ||||
| Current Monarch | King Elizabeth II | ||||
| Currency | Manx Groat | ||||
| Capital City | Douglas Adams | ||||
| Religion | Protestant (required by law), Alcoholisim | ||||
| National Past-times | Fishing, Napping, Grooming themselves, Drinking, Racism, Foreigner Beating | ||||
The Isle of Man (pronounced "I Love Man", or after political-correctness reforms, "Isle of Homo sapiens sapiens") is a small island-nation located just off the west coast of England Classic. Though it certainly exists in one fashion or another, many lawmakers argue as to the existence of the island due to a controversial act passed by British Parliament during the short-lived reign of the French Surrealists Party in 1926, declaring the island as non-existent. This act has never been revoked.
For those who keep asking, the Isle of Man bears absolutely no resemblance to Guy Harris. Really.
Contents |
[edit] A Population of Celtic Vikings
The Isle of Man was originally populated by people who came from Scotland and Ireland. They have a great dislike of the Irish, probably because they are related (no one likes their relatives) and have to live in close proximity to them. In addition to being part-Celtic, the Manx are also part-Viking. During the period of frequent viking colonisation, they made a settlement on the Island of Man, then proceeded to knock-up the local gals. Therefore, the Manx people are naturally part-Celt and part-Viking, which means that, not only can they wield two-handed weapons and go berserk, but they can also summon a familiar, which is usually a cat, though they don't have enough power to summon its tail. Manx people, unlike Germans, don't think they're better than everyone else (despite the fact that they are). Superiority and inferiority never cross the mind of a Manx person; Manx believe in equality, and not judging people based on their race. YOU HEAR THAT, YOU STUPID GERMANS?!
[edit] The War of (A)isles
The country of New England in 1985 confused and enraged many after declaring war on the Isle of Man for violating naming-equity laws. The name was found to be offensive to feminists and grocery store clerks, who could not agree on a proper name replacement. While feminists wished the new name to be the "Isle of Human", grocers preferred "Aisle C". Following a series of competitions, including the tabor toss, lute playing, Pong, swimsuit competitions, wet t-shirt competitions, and round-robin death matches, the feminist argument was declared victor.
Despite the supposed lack of the Isle's existence, New England still managed to be defeated, and the Isle's name was never changed. This victory has called into question the right to non-existence of the Isle.
[edit] The Tynewald Parliament
The Isle of Man boasts (yes, it's always boasting) the oldest parliament in the world - the Tynewald (pronounced tinny-wayldee by Australians). It consists of a small grassy hill on which old men dressed in leather togas shout to the assembled sheep in a semi-extinct language that even they (the old men, that is, not the sheep) don't understand every year or so (Cf. the House of Lords).
The IOM is also notable for not having abolished birching, which it carries out on rowdy northern tourists from time to time.
[edit] Language
The national language of Isle of Man is Manx. Manx is spoken by Billie Emott, Roger Huskins and Laura Cymran. Billie, howewer, only knows a few phrases concerning harvest of barley, and Laura suffers from amnesia. Roger Huskins knows enough Manx to order a pie in the local pub, were there anyone there to listen to him.
[edit] Travel
Amongst the few who have visited this non-existent location, the most often-shared anecdote frequently mentions the lack of celery to be a basis of national pride on the Isle. It is uncertain where this value originates, but it is certain that it does certainly not exist.
If you are unfortunate enough to ever encounter the Isle of Man there is currently no way of getting back to the mainland. This, along with constant rain, the smell of rotting shrimp, large earthworms devouring buildings, zombies, strange wandering people who murmur strange smutterings and the inability to build anything due to strong winds makes living on the Isle of Man just that bit harder, so come now and book your one trip holiday to the Isle of Man and make something more out of your summer, book online, by phone or by post.
[edit] Economy
The island's economy comes mainly from fishing and farming, though, recently, they have begun exporting kittens for huffing.
[edit] Food
The most commonly eaten food on the Isle of Man is in fact, chips cheese & gravy, which they eat only because they are always hungry and full of vodka red bull. Many Manx phrases have to do with chips; the rest have to do with how much they hate the Irish, such as the common phrase, "Hit him, he's Irish." (seriously, it's true). This phrase will always lead to the accused being beaten to a bloody pulp, whether or not he's actually Irish (you can never be too safe.)
[edit] The Carf of Man
The carf of man is a rock at the bottom of the island which is pretty pointless. Used as a bird sanctuary and local drug spot it serves no purpose to anyone who does not wear a mac-in-a-sac or have an eye patch! This is the rumoured home of Big Bird from Sesame Street along side Emu.
[edit] Speed Limits
Amazingly the island has no national speed limit meaning that you're 10 times more likely to die here than anywhere else (this may also be due to the large ammounts of leprosy going around) but it also provides great fun. Think of Formula One racing, with cliff edges and sheep. Also, there is no restriction on the drug known as speed; this pleases many of the youth, who you can find wondering the streets at midday with dazed looks on their faces and small bits of drool coming out of their mouths. The irony is that the inhabitants have not yet discovered how to use electricity, seeing the one electrical feature of the island to be a reincarnation of satan.
[edit] The TITY races
Once a year, a few thousand hairy bikers arrive from Germany for their annual pilgrimage to watch a few suicidal idiots race their TITY bikes around the 37.75 mile course. This is boastfully (again boasting!) the longest road track course in the world. You are likely to find that the majority of people throughout the 2 week festival can be found outside, inside, around, and ontop of the Bushy's (local ale) tent on the promenade. The police take it easy over these two weeks, meaning strippers walk topless down the promenade, and there is general seizure inducing fun all around. Also check out the "World-famous" TT funfair where you can ride classic rides like the Waltzer at a massive cost of £4 a go. Watch out for both the attendants (they'll rob your money and phone) and men in long grey coats.
[edit] Quotes about the Isle of Man
"The Isle of Man does not exist. Man is not an Isle!" -- Tim Curry
"No! Man is an island! -- John Donne
"I am NOT an Isle!" -- The Elephant Man
"Every summer we can rent a cottage, in the Isle of Man, if it's not too dear. We shall scrimp and save." -- The Rutles
"What?! We've run out tripods again?" -- Oscar Wilde
"Hah! I mega-killed the Isle Man a long time ago" -- Mega Man
"Whatever happened to the Isle of Woman?"--David Walliams
"I never thought I'd find a place with more Jews, Gypsies and Homosexuals than Germany, but this place takes the biscuit!"-Hitler
"We took the best bits from our neighbours. The kilts from the Scottish, the ale from the Irish, and the sheep from the Welsh. We just hate the English! " -- Alex Brindley, local clown
"Hey, this place is like a grimier, less sunny version of us." -- The Channel Islands
"Fuck me. A whole article about the Isle of Man and nobody's mentioned incest." -- Plato
[edit] Feminist War
Becouse the name of island basicly says that it is island, which owners are male, feminist's don't like the island, and don't like its name. They insist that the name of island must be changed as "Isle of Wo/Man" or "Isle of Person". Before in flag has three legged symbol, so they change it. "Three legs" was too masculine, and that give dirty thoughts. Now in the flag is four legs and it is totally a symbol of peace and equality. Germans should take look and imitate that!
