Dragon Ball Z
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“Those guys need haircuts.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Raditz and SS3 Goku
“As a matter of fact, it isn't.”
~ Tenshinhan on That Being OK.
“ The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation. ”
~ Fred and George Weasely on DBZ
Dragon Ball Z (ポケモン) is the only good anime ever created. Like most crap from Japan, it was created by someone on LSD with the intent of distributing seizures. Most of the characters are named after vegetables, leading to the undeniable fact that Akira Toriyama himself was a vegetable. It proved to be highly boring, even though it wasn't pornography (most of the time). It was originally a coloring book containing many nudes that the Japanese children thouroghly enjoyed.
The author, Akira Toriyama, AKA the Unbelievable Batmobile, is well known for discovering how to never end a story line. He is also credited with the ability to stretch time into years and stuff; seen in all its glory in his '{object} will explode in five minutes!' scenes.
For example, you'll watch an entire episode showing Goku powering up and the villan yelling "IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!!" The next episode is a continuation of this, and three episodes later Goku's finished and he begins to tell a 5 episode long story about the time he smacked around the five year old kid next door: "How could you power up so much?", "I trained a lot with (somebody)", "You did train a lot with (somebody)?", "Yes I trained a lot", "How much did you train?", "I trained a lot..." and this goes on. Constipation seems to also be a recurring theme in the show as the characters make strained faces while yelling at each other. For example: A villain will come out then Goku jumps in and starts to look constipated and yell -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Then he fires an attack that he already knows won't work. (This process normally takes a few episodes) A usual episode normally contains a villain popping up, Goku wasting his time charging for an attack and Goku finally firing the attack although he already knows he'll mess up. There is one fact that is undeniable: if their attack is fired in the same episode it was charged up, it will fail.
Another example is when Goku is fighting Frieza. Frieza knows he can't beat Goku, so releases a death ball on the planet they are on. Frieza gives the planet 5 minutes before it explodes. 240 minutes later, Goku just makes it out in time to get home in time for dinner.
If you tune out for 30 episodes, you'll tune back in to find that very little has happened in the 6 weeks you didnt watch the show. Soon after the characters to the side will then start talking about how powerful Goku is. This takes up another episode or six.
[edit] Main Characters
One of the unique things about Dragon Ball Z is that it has characters (in the vague sense of the word). Actually, what it really has is nearly identical people that have the ability to make a slightly larger explosion than the previous character. Most of the characters are named after vegetables, leading to the undeniable fact that Akira Toriyama himself was a vegetable.
[edit] Primary Characters
[edit] Goku
Goku, AKA the world depository for hair gel, is a Monkey Man. Despite crash landing on Earth when he was sent from a dying planet by his parents, he did not abduct any farmers, a trait many find quite admirable. He has a energy technique where he shouts "CUMINGCUMINGYAH!!!" that he uses to blast his enemies, which he only does once everyone else is dead. Goku is also a deadbeat dad without a job and at the end of the series he leaves his family and friends and goes to Tijuana. He is also a rabid supporter of pie and eating insanely fast with chopsticks. Theories have been raised about how he actually disposes of the food, but so far nobody has been able to come up with a plausible solution. It is determined later in the show that Goku with a car is more dangerous than Goku, and that he could have easily killed Frieza if he had drove his car to Namek, although it still would have taken 100 episodes.
[edit] Kuririn/Krillin
Kuririn (Krillin in the original Engrish) is bald, which in a world where everybody's hair makes up half their bodyweight, makes him the worst character.[1] He dies a lot too, but studies have shown baldness (and extreme ugliness) do not cause death. The dots on his head are genetic STD's, He does some stuff, but mostly just stands around going "He can't possibly be that powerful!" and "I have a bad feeling about this". He also enjoys having sex with robots that look like women who look like robots who look like women. Hell, let's be truthful. He doesn't care if they look like women or not. He once slept with the assembly line at Toyota Motors. Of course, he wasn't satisfied with just an assembly line which was the reason for his strange attraction towards robots.
[edit] Secondary Characters
[edit] Professor Peanut
Also known as Prof. G. Moriarty. Actually Richard Nixon in disguise, Peanut was first introduced in the Bus Saga. Wielding his ultra-powerful Ronald Raygun, he fights justice anywhere and everywhere he goes.
[edit] Freezer
An illegal, androgynous alien from Antarctica. He got into a fight with Goku, and was promptly shishkabobed. He makes 4 transformations:
2nd Form: Grows to two stories tall
3rd form: Shrinks down to 1 story tall
Final Form: Turns microscopic
100% Full Power: Becomes smaller than an atom. Levels buildings by pulling out the bottom brick.
[edit] Grande Chi-Chi's
Goku's wife, who is more irritating than Paris Hilton, and as big of a slut. Her name in Spanish (at least in the Spanish spoken in Spain) means literally Bondage Fetish Warrior, so imagine the sexual behaviour of a person called that way. One of her nicknames is "Cha Cha, The Shit Lady". Her name in Japanese is also supposed to mean "big boobs.". This is soley to confuse blind watchers, since her breasts aren't anywhere near big. Although she has the power to control everybody, she was nearly eaten by a boar in one of the episodes, but ended up sleeping with it.
[edit] Gohan
Goku's first son who, thanks to Piccolo's intensive training involving Hindu squats, managed to help get rid of Cell. Gohan's favorite thing to do is to be a pest, whine, and turn into a sack of potatoes on weekends. These "abilities", however, often cause the other retards he hangs around with to feel jealous and yell strange things at him, along the lines of "PENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS MUUUUUUNCHEEERRR!!!!!" After yelling these things, he gets really angry and becomes the strongest guy on the planet for about 12 episodes.
[edit] Piccolo
Despite many beliefs, Piccolo is actually a Pakistani illegal immigrant posing as a green alien to trick the I.C.E. into thinking he is really "saving the world" or something like that. Many people have described him as "a green high-pitched flute", who taught Gohan how to use his powers to slaughter enemies, whilst Goku went on vacation with Raditz. Rumor has it his training methods are quite different from normal techniques used and include beating up schoolgirls with large sledgehammers, weightlifting pints of alcohol and "Wax On Wax Off Version Two". His powers come from the mysterious power of donuts. He is named after a Pickle. piccolo also worked at a hotel as a picolo he enjoyed the work until goku came to the hotel and got piccolo fired for bad work after that piccolo kidnapped gokus fourth son gok-chi and turned him against goku now goku and piccolo are friends and room-mates.
[edit] Buruma/Bulma
Longest running character in the series , Bulma is the annoying slut with blue hair (one character must always have blue hair in accordance with anime rules,) in Dragon Ball Z. She ends up becoming Vegeta's love slave half way through the series. Also frequently sleeps with any and all of the other characters in the series. She marries Vegeta in order to cover up her promiscuous activities, only later to have a sexual encounter with the son she bears for Vegeta, and a dandelion in the fourth season, which took only fifty episodes.
[edit] Android 18
One of Krillin's sexy and promiscuos Concubines. She is somehow blind and crazy, because being the sexiest chick of the series, she married the dumbest character....we pity her
[edit] Gomen the Sequel
Goku's second son, who was born while Goku was in heaven coughincestcough. He doesn't meet him until after he's born. Gomen the Sequel looks like Goku, which means it's possible to make more episodes from similar characters. Like his father, he has a room temperature IQ, so he lets Boxers do all the thinking. He was born for the stated purpose of having a spare in case anything should ever happen to Gohan.
[edit] Gonads
Gonads is Goku's Great-Great-Grandson's second son, who has come back from the future because he wanted to make Goku change the names of his kids so he wouldnt be stuck with the last possible name starting with Go-. He taped himself to Goku's inner thigh after turning invisible to hide himself, but unfortunately, he is narcoleptic and fell asleep just as Goku was about to be kicked in the inner thigh. Gonads never woke up from the coma, and was never found.
[edit] Tiny ShinMon
Another bald human, he suffers from extreme constipation. Tiny is, like all other people named Tiny, very big and muscular, he also has a third eye which none of the other characters seem to notice or care about. He and his sex doll Chewsoup were trained by a crane, or an emu, or some kind of bird. Tiny spends most of his time dead.
[edit] Kamesennin Mutenroushi / Master Roshi, Turtle Hermit
A lecherous, perverted old man who is usually reading hentai. He lives with a turtle, although thankfully doesn't eat turtle porn. He does however somehow manage to teach all of the other charcters many different ways of masturbating which comes in very handy to Boxers and Gomen the Sequel.
[edit] Makin Puu
Puu is really fat and sometimes he's really thin - a trait only seen in humans like Oprah. However, he's not human, and is actually made out of bubble gum. The Puu saga is about Goku trying to find the Bazooka Joe Comic inside him.
[edit] Broccoli
Broccoli is a mild-mannered environmentalist who helps negate the destruction of the environment from forces such as Godzilla and The Incredible Hulk. With his extensive vocabulary and fine taste in jewelry, he has gained a great following of fans, mostly consisting of librarians and grammar nazis.
“Knowledge is power.”
~ Broccoli, expounding on his lifelong philosophy
[edit] Boxers
Vegeta and Bulma's son, who has purple hair, and does not look anything like his mother or father, because Bulma is a slut. Like the other secondary males, he's always chasing after women in Dragon Ball GT, this is because he is not gay. He is in a relationship with a girl at the end of DBZ, but break it off after she gets stabbed multiple times in the back. (57, to be exact)
[edit] Vegeta
Vegeta is a militant pacifist, the last of the Mohicans. A true scion of the planet Velveeta (also his namesake), he abhors the sight of blood and will often faint during a battle, leaving Sun Gomen or Gomez to come to his rescue. During the final battle with Oscar Wilde, the cowardly prince threw away his pride, willingly giving his life energy to the The Great Semen Man.
[edit] Radditz
Radditz is a female athlete, who comes to Earth in a giant hair salon. When her hairdressing business went bust, it still was not determined how many furry animals were nesting in her hair, but many suspect the giant bush has taken on a life of its own and latches to her skull, sucking out the bodily nutrients and controlling her mind to make her do evil deeds, like steal rice dinners, eat jet planes, and steal little boys for her own pleasure.
[edit] Bill Goldberg
William Scott Goldberg (Nappa in Europe), like Krillin, is bald. He is extremely powerful, likes bad mouthing his opponents, and is apparently Vegeta's body guard, personal cookman, fitness trainer and the responsible of reciting lullabies to the prince of Saiyans. After terrible harrasment issues (such as beating down children and shouting racial slurs at Piccle for being green), Goldberg was threatened to be fired from the show. In a burst of anger and desire in a botched scene in which Chiaotzu accidentally fondled Big G cheeks, he Speared and Jackhammered him, Goku, Vegeta, Broccoli, The Jackson Five and just about everyone related to the series and in the set (including himself at the end. Then he joined WCW.
[edit] Mario
He was put in the show for money from Nintendo. He was capable of beating up many of the shows cast members.
[edit] Sonic
Like Mario, he was put in the show for money from Sega. Was Mario's rival.
[edit] Genji
A trans-sexual alien featured only in one episode. He helped Boxers defeat the Toilet Monster by teaching him the Kage Bushin no Jutsu.
[edit] Cell
The smallest organ of the human body, he has many brothers (billions as a matter of fact) and was composed mostly of water and dissolved proteins. He killed Goku once in a dream. He took many episodes to kill (being so small) and had an entire saga devoted to him. Cell was also a well-known sexual deviant, attempting coitus with any living creature that crossed his path. After Goku put an end to his mad humping spree, he eventually died by overdosing on Viagra.
[edit] The Great Semen Man
The Great Semen Man is actually Sun Gohan, left mentally unhinged by his father's untimely death in the Cell Saga. He thinks he is cool, so he does queer poses to try and intimidate others. After numerous days of his fathers persistant naggin' to stop, he pretended to like girls and then went back to men when his dad wasn't looking.
[edit] Mr. Satan
The strongest evildoer and rumored bastard brother of Bobobo. Mr. Satan is the prime bad guy from the Satan Saga. In the end, he marries Makin Puu and leaves his life of evil to do voice acting for South Park.
[edit] Chewsoup
A disturbing, levitated doll creature who's only true significance lies within his painted visage which resembles the colorings of those found often on street corners and by his willingness to latch onto a foe which is succeeded by an eruption into white light. It doesn't tend to accomplish anything, and due to this some scholars have labeled such an act as a self-destructive fetish. Finally, his logic is intrinsically flawed in that the best one can hope for in a kamikaze attempt is a draw.
[edit] Notable Mentions
There's lots of characters on this show who exist merely to get killed off by someone more powerful. Every once in a while, one of them matters somewhat to the plot of the show. This comes as a shock to fans of the show, I know, but it's true.
[edit] The Jackson Five
Sold to Freezer by their money-grubbing parents, they were renamed the "Ginyu Squad" because in outer space, "Jackson" is a dirty word. Freezer soon got tired of their performances, and sent them off to get killed by Goku for kicks. Michael was the only survivor, and was so traumatized by the slaughter of his family that he turned white and became an insomniac, needing to have a small boy with him to protect him while he slept.
[edit] Android 20/Dr. Gero
The creator of Android 17, Android 18, and Cell, Dr. Gero decided to turn himself into a cyborg, inexplicably renaming himself "Android 20." More inexplicably, upon turning himself into a robot he kept his old appearance (a cross between Ugly Old Man™, That Creepy Guy™, and The Ungodly Offspring of Saddam Hussein and Vlad Tepes™) when he could as easily have made himself look like Matthew McConaughey. Even more inexplicably still, having the technical abilities to create an android as powerful as Cell (or at least as powerful as 16, if you only count real androids), he decides against making himself as powerful as that and for making his body, as well as that of Android 19, out of spare parts of old soviet tanks, thus allowing himself to get pwnd by Vegeta easily.
[edit] Cola
Cola is friezas older brother and much strongest as well. He got drunk on cola as a kid wich gave him ability to posses the powers of the cola wich makes him almost unbelively strong and almost invincible. when cola found out that goku had killed and eaten his brother he went to earth to kill goku, goku was stronger than cola but cola used a transformation to his final form wich lets him posses the powers of pepsi and fanta as well. cola beat the shit out of goku until he transformed until a super monkey man and sent cola back home. after the beating from goku cola travled around in space looking for a friend he met mr. computerguy and fused with him. mr. computerguy made cola become the invincible warrior MACHO-Cola better known as Coke-Cola wich possesed both the power of Chuck Norris and Macgyver making him invincible. Coke-Cola went back to earth but was sealed in the Cola-bottle by the fused version of gohan and goku known as gogo.
[edit] Plot Overview
“Well, now our worst enemies have been sent to the next dimension!”
~ Goku on brutally murdering his enemies
“No, it's Sunday. Otherwise, they'd have been in the building when it exploded.”
~ Vegeta on the above quote
“Look! I can see their parachutes! They're OK!”
~ Tenshinhan on an exploding helicopter
Many people inaccurately claim Dragon Ball Z is all about fighting. This is clearly not true, as often the fighting stops so the producers can make new episodes. Dragon Ball Z had a near total of 290 episodes, which is double 145. Or 7 times 
. However, there were roughly 3,000 lost episodes that were never aired because the "stupid Americans would never understand them", said producer Jacques Offenheimer. They can only be purchased on a set of 500 DVDs that can be bought at www.midgetporn.com
[edit] The Saiyan Saga
Vegetable people from outer space rain upon the Earth, a process initiated by Goku's wetnurse Radditz, who kidnaps his rice dinner. Penis head has a relapse into his former abuductions and steals Goku's rice dinner after firing rice balls at Radditz and Goku, who was standing behind Radditz humping him the whole time. Later Viagra comes to Earth requesting the testicles of a big Guerilla. Yet he prefered Godzilla's, but there weren't enough. In the end, he defeated Goku and goes to kidnap Goku's dinner.
[edit] Freezer Saga
Everyone dies twice. Goku kills Freezer. It takes 107 episodes to kill Freezer, who just comes back in the next saga anyways. The actual plot takes about 8 episodes (99 episodes contain nothing but pointless yelling), costing the producers a total of 12 yen to make. It featured members of the Jackson Five on steroids.
[edit] The Car Saga
Everybody dies when Goku and Piccolo learn how to drive. Even Super Saiyan Mario cannot save them from the fabled 600 car pileup. It, fortunately, takes only 1 episode.
[edit] The Bus Saga
Having seen the death and destruction Goku and Piccolo have caused with their driving lessons, Vegeta decides he can do this as well, and better; not wasting time on stupid lessons, he immediately starts driving without prior experience, figuring it can't be that much more difficult than piloting a state of the art lightspeed intergalactic vessels or blowing up planets by focusing one's spiritual energy.
However driving a fossile fuel powered vehicle turned out to be more difficult than he could possibly imagine, resulting in three episodes of attempting to regain control of the bus, at the same time causing the death of Goku, Mario and Goku again.
In the end, the bus was stopped when Vegeta threw a tantrum, as well as a small mountain range on top of the bus, destroying it and its traumatized passengers. Those deceased were eventually wished back with the PlotHole Dragonballs.
[edit] Cell Saga
Everyone dies. Everyone dies thrice. Everyone dies thrice with rice. Gohan makes Cell die for making Goku die. Gohan does not die, miraculously, and therefore replaces Tarzan and Brad Pitt as the monkey-like human people fantasize about while having sex in Amsterdam. It takes 73(or 730, 7300. fell asleep after 3) episodes. At the end of this saga cell phones were invented. Known as the Mobile saga in countries that speak real English..
[edit] The Missing Episode
Dragon Ball Z: The Missing Episode Transcript
This appears to be a recap episode encompassing the entire series so far and the beginning of the Puu saga, but for some reason never put into animation. Fans have come out in favor of it, however, due to its overwhelming accuracy and honesty. As well as the fact that it doesn't make this show look ridiculous at all.[2]
[edit] Poo Saga
Babidi and his buddy Debra try to ressurect a pink blob named Poo. Goku searches for the Bazooka Joe comic hidden within him, but fails. The entire universe is destroyed by Puu, and the only survivors are Goku, God, a dog and Hulk Hogan. Goku and Hulk Hogan get into a dispute about whose biceps are bigger and end up blowing each other up.
[edit] The Cabbage Saga
Goku and his friends come across Cabbage, a vegetable from the planet Vagina. Within 1321 episodes, all of the heroes are dead except for Goku, who has gone Super Saiyan 35 and has a ripped shirt (Ironically, his pants took more damage than his shirt, but Cabbage thought it would be politically incorrect to show Goku's knee). The saga ends with the Earth being blown up and Cabbage escaping.
[edit] The End Saga
This is another of those 'longest saga' sagas. And it really doesn't end, it just changes. (Like when the "Power Rangers" became the "B-O Rangers" and then the "who cares Rangers")
