The Jam

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
It was Rick Buckler's day off
It was Rick Buckler's day off

The Jam were a UK band initially created in the late 1970s as a cunning suit marketing ploy, comprised of handsome male models Paul Weller, Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler. They were expected to stand still in a shop window in Lewisham, London, holding musical instruments in order to make the suits look cool. However, they quickly grew bored of this, and started trying to play their instruments to alleviate the boredom.

The noise they made was atonal and frankly terrifying, but this did not deter them. Instead they swapped their instruments from the original kazoo, penny whistle and trombone they had been given, and the new guitar, bass and drums turned out to sound much better together. Their confidence quickly blossomed, and they started writing songs.

They were sacked by the store manager for taking attention away from his stylish bri-nylon suits, but they were now a band! (And they kept the suits, as they quite liked them).

Contents

[edit] Music

The band quickly settled on the "Mod" style of music, although no-one was satisfactorily able to define exactly what that meant. Buckler and Foxton grew to be an extremely tight rhythm section, and as with all good rhythm sections went completely un-noticed while guitarist/singer Weller took all the plaudits.

Paul Weller quickly established himself as the band's creative and stylistic focus by the underhand tactic of being the only decent songwriter.

The band quickly established their groundbreaking "guitar, bass, drums and singing" style, which helped them to stand out from the other bands at the time. They also stood out from other bands at the time by voting Conservative - another smart move by Weller, designed to make the band seem cool[1].

[edit] Career

Weller overshadowing the others as usual
Weller overshadowing the others as usual

[edit] Early Success

The Jam were successful quite early.

[edit] String Of Successful Albums

The Jam followed up their early success with a string of successful albums.

[edit] Breaking Up After A Farewell Tour

The Jam finally broke up after a farewell tour.

[edit] After The Jam

Paul Weller went on to have success with the Style Council, and then as a solo artist. Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler went on to watch Paul Weller's success, and not be bitter or resentful about it in the slightest, as evidenced in the below excerpts from Rick Buckler's diaries, edited slightly to improve readability, and not to remove traces of bitterness and resentment. Edits shown in italics [2]:

Sept 4th, 1983 Start economy drive: stop using champagne on breakfast cereal, start ordering milk.

Weller's new band The Style Council are doing quite well. Great, just great. I'm particularly pleased[3] that the bass and drum parts are being handled by synthesisers - it really makes me feel special[4] to be replaced by £20-worth of microchips from Dixon's. Must get my own project off the ground some time soon, to keep Paul company[5] in the charts.

July 12th, 1985 Reduce milk order.

The Style Council continue to go from strength to strength. I couldn't be happier for[6] him. I bet he misses me and Rick though. Synthesisers can't be such good conversationalists as us. Maybe I'll call him up and see if he fancies playing a few gigs as The Jam again, for old times' sake[7].

July 13th, 1985

No he doesn't. Oh well, such is life[8]. Good luck[9] to him.

Dec 9th, 1989 Cancel milk, start stealing next door's.

Weller split up the Style Council. The poor chap must be[10] short of a few bob. Maybe I'll offer to reform the Jam with him to help out[11].

Dec 9th, 1989 He's still not interested, seems he's going to try a solo career. Although of course I wish him all the best[12], I can't see that lasting, so my offer to re-form the band is still open, in case he gets[13] desperate.

January 12th, 1999 Complete community service for milk pilfering.

Weller's solo career is going well. I'm really pleased[14] he's proved my prediction wrong. They're even calling him "the Modfather", and an influence on modern music. That's great, he wrote all the songs, he deserves all the attention[15]. Bet he's getting nostalgic for the old days though. I may offer[16] to play some Jam shows with him.

August 8th, 2006 Start job as milkman

Weller was quoted on the radio as saying a Jam reunion will "never, ever happen" as reunions are "sad". Fine, I can respect his opinion[17].

[edit] The Inevitable Reunion

In 2006, tired of making obscene sums of money from their hugely successful post-Jam careers, Buckler and Foxton decided to give something back to the Fans, and started touring together, playing classic Jam songs. The reunion was hailed as a tremendous success by Foxton and Buckler. They kindly offered to take Weller on their next tour with them, if he felt like it. He has yet to respond.

[edit] References

  1. Worryingly, this is true
  2. original text included in footnotes
  3. pissed off
  4. shit
  5. kick that bastard's arse
  6. fucking hate
  7. I hate to say it, but I need the bastard's help
  8. Fuck
  9. Bollocks
  10. I'm getting really
  11. I really need this
  12. Egotistical wanker
  13. as I'm getting fucking
  14. I can't believe how spawny he is
  15. Me and Bruce weren't just window dressing you know (well, not after we left the shop window anyway), where's our respect, you bastards?!
  16. beg
  17. Bastard!
Personal tools
projects