The Kaiser Chiefs

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From the left: Hodgson Bridge, Whites, Ricky Kaiser, Peanuts and Twix
From the left: Hodgson Bridge, Whites, Ricky Kaiser, Peanuts and Twix
“That Ricky Kaiser gets on my tits... why can't he decide if he's fat or thin? Bastard...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ricky Kaiser

“A bad Blur”

~ Gallagher Brothers on The Kaiser Chiefs

“No, we are the angry mob!”

~ The angry mob on The Kaiser Chiefs

“Hodgson Bridge is going down”

~ Fergie on Kaiser Chiefs

“Am I bovered?”

~ Lauren Cooper on Kaiser Chiefs

“Na Na Na Na Naa”

~ everyone on Kaiser Chiefs

Kaiser Chiefs is a musical drug, if you try it just once you will be very addicted and will never be able to recover. The Drug consists of Peanuts, Hodgson Bridge, Ricky Kaiser, Twix and Whites. The effects of just a small dose of Kaiser Chiefs, is extreme jumping and the uncontrollable urge to sing “Na Na Na Na Naa” or other meaningless sounds.

The drug originates from Yorkshire Puddings and was the result of a serious recipe malfunction; no one has been able to correct the terrible mistake.


Contents

[edit] List of side effects

One side effect is extreme jumping
One side effect is extreme jumping

Here are some ways to see that your friend has become affected with Kaiser Chiefs

  • Abnormal teenage behaviour. (This hits people of all ages)
  • Extreme lust and desire for fat curly haired Yorkshire Pudding
  • Also an uncontrollable lust for crossing Hodgson River
  • Always sing “aah aah aah aah” after every sentence
  • Says your name four times in a row (such as Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary. Often followed by a “aah aah aah aah”)
  • Stealing cow bells
  • Always eats at Kaiser Fucking Chiefs (KFC)
  • Skipping
  • Speaking in tongues. (Some people call it English, most just call it gibberish.)

[edit] Cure

Lauren Cooper has been searching for a cure since 1999, but without any luck. She hasn’t been able to stop the Gallagher brothers from being assholes or thinking that they can make music. When asked about the problem she said “Am I bovered? Look at my face, is this the bovered face?”. A few seconds after this, she was turned into a doll of Billie Piper by the fanatic Kaiser Chiefs user Doctor Who.

[edit] Famous people addicted to Kaiser Chiefs and their side effects

Doctor Who has been addicted to the drug since the year 1123½. It is said that it was him that created the drug in the first place. The side effects of his intense use are: believing that he can travel through time and space in a police call box called a TARDIS. He spends most of his time kidnapping young innocent girls and taking them into his blue cardboard box, where he scares them with stories of his two-hearted anatomy and the time and space continuum.

The Gallagher Brothers abuse of the drug first started in 1992 where they formed the group Oasis. The side effect of listening to Kaiser Chiefs is that they believe people actually care about what they think.

Mark ‘Bloody’ Ronson became addicted to the Kaiser Chiefs one night some years ago when he was wandering down the street minding his own business, when he heard the unmistakable sound of Kaiser Chiefs music. Since then has Mark ‘Bloody’ Ronson had an obscure urge to put trumpets on every song he hears. The worst of all his side effects is helping to make their latest album.

the Kaiser Chief drug is even said to have influenced Charles Dickens when writing "A Christmas Carol"

[edit] Discography

[edit] Albums

Off with their limbs (2008)

1. British Folk Music
2. You'll Never Be Clean
3. You'll Like This Too Much
4. You Want More of This All the Time
5. You Just Can't Say No
7. Good Boy Gone Bad
8. If You Don't Listen We'll Throw Tomatoes at Your Mom
9. We Are the Truth
10. It will Always Be Like This
11. Addicted to The KC
12. Remember You're a Fan


Yours truly addicted Dog (2007)

1. Name Name Name Name
2. The addicted Dog
3. Heat is a kind of Yellow
4. High on KC
5. Love's Not Competition (you're thinking of cricket)
6. Thank you for all your money
7. I can do something
8. My Kind of Doctor is a timelord
9. Everything is sh**t nowadays
10. Boxing is also a competition
11. I have never learned anything
12. Try Your Best to Become an addict
13. We have earned so much money on this that we could retire, but we would rather make an other album in our quest of taking over the world. (aka Mwuhahaha)

Unemployment (2005)

1. Everyday I hate you less and less
2. Steal some cow bells
3. We are the only way
4. How to get on you nerves with just one word
5. Give me your money
6. Oh My! I just wet myself
7. Born to be a Kings Cross Hooker
8. Mark please stop sending me trumpets
9. I gave you everything, and this trumpet was all I got in return
10. Stalking is my tradition
11. Mark 'Bloody' Ronson, NO!!
12. I'm going solo

[edit] Singles

From Alice in Wonderland:

  • "Never Go Wrong", TBR October 2008


From Yours Truly Addicted Mobster:

  • "Ruby ruby ruby ruby na na na na naa" (2007), #99½ UK
  • "I Took Your Mom's Temperature and She Liked It" (2007), #1.000.000 UK
  • "Repeat Name"(2008), #6 UK
  • "Everything is Bollocks"(2006), #69 UK
  • "Love Is a Competition (and a boardgame)" (2008), #911 UK (This single came with a exclusive PS3 game)
  • "Cricket"(2007), #1 UK and India
  • "Repeat sound"(2008), #256 UK


From UNemployment:

Special and international singles releases:

  • Kaiser Chiefs split "7 (features "Tennis Ball Song") (2085)
  • "AAAAAAAAA!AAAAAAAAA!AAAAAAAAA!" (limited edition Christmas 7", available only on the Kaiser Chiefs website and restricted to 2000 copies) (2805)
  • "Na Na Na Na Naa" (AAAAAAAAA! only) (2086)
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/The_Kaiser_Chiefs"
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