The Kitten Factory
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“A sub-par product. I prefer huffing natural-grown kittens to these factory-made ones, any day.”
~ Oscar Wilde on the kitten factory
The kitten factory was first invented by the Non-Huffable Kitten in an attempt to make more non-huffable kittens. unfortunately, there can be only one Non-Huffable kitten, much like the Highlander, and so the factory only produced the regular kind of kitten. The Non-Huffable Kitten gave up the project in disgust and turned his energy over to commanding the Soviet Galactic Battle Fleet and killing Barney.
The factory was then forgotten for negative a thousand years because it was hit by a tachyon storm, and "re"-discovered by kitten huffers a thousand years before it was created, who then used it to create enough kittens to support their habit indefinitely. Apparently, this particular group of huffers were too stupid to know about kitten plants Uppon realizing that the Kitten Factory was being used for such a purpose by kitten huffers, the Non-Huffable Kitten considered just not making the Kitten Factory in the first place, but that would cause a paradox in the space-time continuum so massive that just thinking about it would cause his head to asplode, so instead he decided to go destroy the Kitten Factory with his army of clinjas. Or maybe he just did it because it was more fun that way. Who knows?
Though the Non-Huffable Kitten succeeded in destroying the Kitten Factory, a few huffers survived, and re-built it later. However, as they did not have blueprints, they made the first experimental batch of kittens out of parts of old soviet tanks, and ended up with a creature with steel wool for fur and stainless steel claws. Which was not small and cute, nor huffable (they tried). These inferior animals, dubbed kitnines, were then cast out and immediately exiled to siberia. They would later be used as cannon fodder in the Human vs. Kitten War by their superior kin, because kit-9s are inferior to kit-10s in every way.
The Kitten Factory underwent a series of renovations until eventually, after an embarrassing number of fuck-ups a fair amount of trial-and-error, they were finally able to produce fully-functioning if occultist kittens. As 99.97% of all kittens created at the Kitten Factory were huffed within a few days of creation, they couldn't spread the gospel of the Dark Kitten Gods, an anti-human and anti-wookie message...that is, until Oscar Wilde (whose name must always be linked) commented that Factory-made kittens were sub-par at the beginning of this article (even though they're not...I know!), thus by causing them to instantly lose popularity, as anything Oscar Wilde (see?) doesn't like is automatically uncool for some reason. Now most Factory kittens (who are not huffed by the factory owners) are sold to UFOs to power their anti-gravity devices and as pets, where they spread their hate-speach and their new religion to this day. Gee, thanks a lot, you jerk!
The Kitten Factory most recently claimed to have come out with a product called a "kiteleven," which is supposed to be smaller, cuter, and more huffable than kittens. Most people believe this to be unsubstantiated, though.
